Gotta warn you, its honest and straight from the heart

You ever get one of those moods where you are convinced that nothing could go right? A moment or a day in your life where you just know you aren't good company for anyone, especially those who matter to you. One of those moods where you feel like you've done nothing of importance in your life and its at that time that you realize that you really don't know what matters anymore. You don't know why you work where you do, or why you live where you do, or why you do what you do. You just don't know because the realization hits you flat on your butt, you really don't know what you are doing in life or why you are doing. You know the mood. The one that sets in for no apparent reason and has you feeling like grabbing a 4 liter pail of ice cream, the biggest spoon you can find, a blanket to curl up under, a teddy bear to cling to, and the biggest tear jerker of a movie ever made because then if you cry no one wonders why. Or, as I read in a book one time, you want to grab a couple dozen eggs, go into the bathroom, and throw the eggs in your shower. (Stress relieving and practical for cleaning later on). Or maybe you are more of a doer and you just want to go outside, stand in a quiet place, and scream at the top of your lungs as loudly and as long as humanly possible. We never talk about these moods, but they hit. Or they hit me, so I assume it is normal and other people get them too. No, I don't want to talk about whats bothering me, I don't know what it is so please don't ask, I wont tell you. I can't. I just figured with my trip to Haiti less than a month away I should really start practising my honesty. I want to give from the heart descriptions while I am there so I might as well start now. Get used to baring my soul to the internet where people may, or may not, read this and care... Not gonna lie. Its gonna be really hard to click post on this one. The mood will pass. They always do, so don't worry. No one is home and typing this sorta made me feel like I was telling someone. I think I'll have a cup of tea and go to bed early(early for me at least). Be better by morning. Less than a month till Haiti. I leave 4 weeks from tomorrow. Scary scary scary thought. Have a good night.

First things first...

I Ate Lobster. To many of you this may seem like not such a big thing, but it is. Huge really for me. I don't eat seafood, vegetables, foreign food, oriental food... pretty much if it isn't something I am used to I wont try it. But Tuesday night, Karter and I were in Lethbridge for supper, we ate in the Water Tower, he had lobster and somehow talked me into trying it. After putting it off for most of the meal, FINALLY I try my little piece and it started out ok. It wasn't good, but it wasn't bad and I thought, well its better then I expected. BUT THEN all of a sudden, it tasted like it smells and that is a terrible smell so I think I have decided I don't like it. But I tried it. One battle at a time! Went to Drumheller on Monday. Checked out the museum and a bunch of other tourist things, unfortunately we got rained and hailed on so we stayed in the car for the most part, but it was still a good time. Then sat on the beach at Little Bow Provincial Park for a couple hours before driving to Lethbridge for supper. Here is are a couple links to pics from Drumheller, Vulcan, Little Bow, and maybe even from Lethbridge. Its my first time trying to use these links so if it doesn't work I am sorry! http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=3032&l=c1b8f&id=509833092 http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=3033&l=0e376&id=509833092 Finished my last couple shifts in Calgary. Went ok, rather uneventful. I am back in Edmonton again, supposedly for good this time, but it still doesn't quite feel like this is where I'll be for the next month and a bit. They aren't sure where I fit in the Edmonton schedule, which sucks because that means I might not get shifts and wont make any more money before Haiti. I need to make a bit more to get my finances in better order. Pretty soon I have to start paying back my student loan, got to start paying my AHC, got to keep paying my cell phone and car insurance and gas, and in looking to move out I am sure my bills will just continue to climb... Maybe instead of moving out I will go travel some more, get a job anywhere that isn't Alberta and find some cheap way to live... Not likely though... Oh well. Saw my neice again. She is absolutely beautiful and if the links about work this time then I will attempt another one next time I post. Have a great day and remember to laugh about something, anything. It really does put you in a better mood.

Some random musings...

First things first. I AM AN AUNTIE!!! I am really excited about it, in case you couldn t tell, and she is perfect. Her name is Keira Lea, she was born at about 1230 Tuesday morning, 3 weeks early, and weighed in at 6 lbs and measured about 49cms... She is absolutely beautiful and a part of me can't wait to return to Edmonton just so I can sit and hold her for a long time!
Haiti is approaching. In less than 5 weeks I will be in Flordia, bracing for my 6 weeks in Haiti. How do I feel about it? I'm absolutely terrified to be honest. I know I keep saying that it is something that I was called to do and something that I didn't choose so much as it chose me, but somehow that fact keeps slipping my mind and all I can think about is how dangerous the country is. How poverty stricken it is. How completely foreign to anything I know it is. How little I will understand of whats going on around me, because my little bit of Spanish sure wont help when they are speaking Creole(a mixture of french and African dielect). I am developing fears that perhaps I will get there, spend my 8 hours a day holdng the babies(as per my job description) and find out that my love for kids doesn't go as deep as I thought. What if I am not qualified for the job? I don't really have alot of experience with Kids.... Anyways. I am still going, I promise that much. I am just scared to death and ffigured I would voice it.
Calgry rocks. I got a suite this time for my hotel room. A king size bed with french doors seperating it from the sitting area. Both rooms have a TV and space. and If I have guests, the couch is a pull out bed... Its cool. Only 2 shifts left and then its home time. Bak to what, I don't know. starting to feel like I am leaving behind more of a life here than I left in Edmonton... Scary thought...
But on that note, I've got to get going. The boys are waiting on me and there are things to do. Sorry for the honesty of this blog. I figure while I am in Haiti I should be really upfront about what I am thinking so that it is really clear and paints an accurate picture. Time to start practising my complete honesty.
Have a good one!

Calgary part 8

Home for a couple of days. Feels a little strange. Like I am visiting. Maybe it is just because I know it is just for a couple of days, who knows! Back to work on Wednesday morning again. It looks like it'll be through Sunday and then that's it. I think. Stopped by my own J a couple of times and it amazes me how different my attachments to each place are. Edmonton is home, I've been employed by the Flying J for two years as of last Thursday, thats a long time in my world to be working somewhere. But the Calgary J, I've helped with the open. I went in there, knowing what was going on, aware of what to expect, and left a part of me in that building. My heart is in that place because I had a hand in the beginning and that makes a difference to me. Strange, maybe, but thats the way it is.
Gonna be strange to come back to Edmonton. I've gotten so accustomed to being a manager that returning as a server just wont seem natural. I know I shouldn t count my chickens before they hatch, maybe I slip into serving again no problem and discover I missed it more than I thought and give up on ever wanting to manage, but in looking ahead I worry about the adjustment... Oh well. Only time will tell how it goes.
Two of my little brothers are graduating next week. Hard to believe that was me three years ago. Definitely not where I thought I would be at this point in my life. Not complaining, just not what I expected.
Here are a few pictures from the last few weeks.

This is at my parents surprise 30th anniversary. Three of the four Boskers girls, and our first niece or nephew.

In Banff near to Bow Falls

At the Cave and Basin in Banff National Park...

Calgary Part 7 (Part 2 volume 2)

SO things are going awesome. I only have a minute because someone is waiting for the computer but I just wanted to add a little something. Went to the Zoo, did I mention that? It was super awesome had a great morning. During my 4 days off I went on an overnight trip to Banff with Carter, and we had an awesome time! Did a bunch of the tourist stuff, gondola, Cave and Basin, Hoo Doos, Bow Falls, made national news, climb partways up a mountin to check out a waterfall, sat by a lake or two... It was sweet.
Work is going alright. It is strange still sometimes to look at myself and see a manager. I don't really have any of the special training and so am constantly second guessing myself as to decisions I make, big ones and little ones, but it is still awesome. I love the atmosphere here and the staff is super friendly. Definitely glad that I returned to help out again for another month.
My sister in law, Mar, is due in less than a month, and I am sooooooo excited! Everytime I see a calender, my first thought is on how soon I become an Auntie. I Hope it isn't early so that I will be back intown bythen.
Haiti is also approaching alot faster than I know how to handle. I am really excited and nervous and everything, all at once!
But I really got to go. I'll write more coherently and less random brain farts order next time... maybe...