RIP Mike

I’m not really sure how I am supposed to act. What I am supposed to say. What I should be doing. My world has been tilted on its axis and to be honest, if I didn’t have the Lord next to me holding my hand, I am pretty sure I’d have fallen off by now.

Hold up. What? I guess I might explain myself better than that. I’ll try, but although it’s getting better, my thoughts are kind of a mess.

Mike died. You know Mike, he has been a part of my life for ages, first as the older brother to a friend, the friend of my sister, the son of my parents friends, then as my friend, as my boy friend, and finally as a best friend. He died on July 29th while on vacation in BC with his entire immediate family. They were cliff jumping and on his second jump, he didn’t resurface. The next morning the RCMP dive team headed out and within three hours had found his body- he had been underwater for 22 hours.

I miss him. Before anything else I hope that much is clear and obvious. Truthfully I missed him before, as we have had some distance between us for the last few months, I had been hoping recently that perhaps we might get past that and be ok again, back to hanging out as much as we have in the past, but I guess it’s too late now.

I’ve been struggling with his death, as anyone does, but even more so because it is Mike. He is, unquestionably, the closest thing I’ve ever had outside of my immediate family, knows me best, and closest to my heart. I have never known anyone else so full of life, so determined to have a good time, someone so willing to give up his own interests and spare time in order to help those around him and to spend time with the youth. He has grown so much in his faith the last few years and it has been a pleasure to watch. But somehow, despite all this, despite the huge impact he was having on the youth and the world that was opening up for him as he left his career to learn more about the Lord he loved and in his own words, ‘being ready to go’ wherever the Lord might call him, despite this, he was called Home.

I find peace in many little things surrounding his death. A week and a half before he died, his younger sister got married. Personally, despite the distance that was between us, I had a ridiculously strong urge to go, I felt I had to be there, that I had to show him my support and that even though we weren’t spending time together, he still mattered to me, I can only hope he understood and realized how much I still care. So I arranged to be off work early, and headed out to the wedding (which was beautiful). Afterwards I had another strong urge, I had to talk to him. So I did. At the time it seemed odd, but now I understand why. As we caught up, I learnt he had sold his house in St. Albert, was taking the insurance off his crotch rocket, was working his way through his Bible, was really excited for the upcoming mission trip to Slovakia, and thrilled about entering the program at Mount Caramel Bible College. He told me in no uncertain terms that he had pretty much cut off his ties here, that there was no longer anything holding him back and he was ready to go. When I asked where in particular, he kinda looked at me funny and told me “Wherever God wants me to be”. It was a powerful statement and one I never would have guessed would be put into practice so soon. After our talk and a quick jaunt through the receiving line, I slipped away without a good bye and left him to family and friends and the celebration surrounding Kari and Jordans’ union. He was happy, strong in his faith, and truly getting into what he felt God wanted him to do, it’s all I needed to know at that time.

I realize now a lot of things surrounding that short conversation. My strong, inexplicable urge to go to the wedding, wasn’t of my own decision. I believe completely that God wanted me to go, to speak to Mike, to catch up on life and see how content he was, how on fire he had become for the Lord, how happy he was with his life, and how much he was anticipating whatever his Savior might throw at him. I’ve thought long and hard in the last couple weeks and cannot remember the last time we had talked outside of that talk, possibly going all the way back to his birthday on April 8, when we stood outside church, looking at my brand new car, and catching up. The Lord wanted me to have a good and recent conversation to remember His servant, to remember my best friend. And it worked. I had known before that Mike had grown in his faith, had watched it happen really, but hearing him say he was reading his Bible (especially as he was not a reader) and that he was ready to go out into God’s Kingdom and spread the news, was such a blessing that I couldn’t be more grateful for those ten minutes or so I got to speak to him.

I believe that there are other little blessings surrounding his death:

I know without a doubt that he was having a heck of a time. Anyone who knew Mike knows he loved adventure and fun, and what could be better than jumping from 70 feet into the water surrounded by the family that he cared so much about.

I find peace and reassurance in the fact that he was knocked unconscious upon impact with the water and that the chances of him being aware of the fact his time on earth was finished were very slim. For me, there is great peace in knowing that while he might of been thinking, this is gonna hurt, it’s doubtful he would have assumed more than that.

The discovery of his body, as terrible as that may seem. I guess last year at least three people died there, jumping from those cliffs, and their bodies were not found. The fact that his was found so quickly following the arrival of the dive team, on a ledge some 72 feet underwater, is proof of God’s mercy, His comfort for those left behind to mourn.

There is a couple verses that someone mentioned to Shelly, and I am so grateful for it, because it seems to be a direct answer for why God would take someone like Mike.

Isaiah 57
1 The righteous perish,

and no one ponders it in his heart;

devout men are taken away,

and no one understands

that the righteous are taken away

to be spared from evil.

2 Those who walk uprightly

enter into peace;

they find rest as they lie in death.

And finally, although I’m not sure blessing is the right word for it, someone made an interesting point to me a few days ago. He was competitive- once again not a secret. he loved to win, to be first. Somehow, although I wish it weren’t true, I wish it wasn’t the case, and I wish he was still with us so I could speak to him again, so I could tell him how I feel, how much he means to me- Mike definitely loved to be first, the first to finish something, the first to try something, so I suppose he should be the first to get to Heaven, the first to meet our Maker face to face, the first to sing praises with the Heavenly Host. He is gonna be standing at St. Peters gate, waiting to show us around when we get there, and I doubt there will be a better guide, because he will have tried everything to the max!

I could go on and on, but I have to get ready for work, proof that somehow, life must go on. Truthfully, I just keep waiting to wake up, I keep hoping that I am going to roll over, hit the alarm, and find out that the last two and a half weeks were a terrible dream, denial is a great coping mechanism I don’t care what people tell you otherwise. I am angry with God, there is no question about it, but my sister-in-law tells me that it is ok to be angry with Him (don’t believe it? Read the Psalms!), it is a relationship after all, we don’t always have to be happy with what happens. Even through my anger, I know He has a purpose for it, one that I will likely never understand.

I will miss you Mike, may you rest in peace, may you explore every inch of Heaven, and I will see you when I get there, can’t wait to see you when I get there. God Bless

http://www.legacy.com/can-edmonton/Obituaries.asp?Page=Lifestory&PersonId=130925505

Who me? Excuse me??

I suppose before I jump into the little story I've been meaning to share, I should fill in a few blank spots.

I got a new job. Yep. I am now serving at a local Swiss Chalet, and I actually really like it. I have been there for about a month and a half and it is unquestionable I am still the new girl, the rookie on the floor, but I really do like it. It is surprisingly good money, the food is priced well, and I feel like the customers are politer- not in the fact that it isn't truck drivers anymore, but the local customers- we got those at the Flying J too, but somehow they seem friendlier and more patient here. I quite like it. Hope it continues to go as well as it has, I can only improve and lets be honest, a server who feels more comfortable is a better server and a better server makes more money, so I look forward to learning!

I got accepted into Macewan's Social Work program!!!!! For most of you, you know that, but I really feel like I should share that anyways. Its conditional, but the conditions are simply based on my Crimanal record check and my security something check. Both of which have a 6 month expiry so ppl from within the program actually told me to wait before sending those in, do it within 6 months and I can use the same checks for my field placement. I am so ridiculously stoked about it that I can't even begin to explain it! It is a career thing and it makes me feel like an adult more so than ever before, but its ok, I'm psyched, it is going to be awesome!

I bought a car. The car I have been driving for the last 3 1/2 years developed a little knock in the engine that turned into not such a little thing. Replacing it with just a used engine would have cost almost 2000 and that just doesn't make sense- esp since there are no promises on a used engine, so I went out and bought a brand spanking new 2009 Chevy Cobalt LT. It is currently on the train headed here, and I can not wait to get it! I am financing it, but definitely plan on paying it off sooner than the conctract says.

And finally, a couple weeks ago, my Uncle 'upgraded' as the pastor at the funeral said. He has moved on to a better place. It is sad and hard to say goodbye, but at least I know he isn't in pain. My prayers continue to be with his family as their loss is a great one.

On to my adventure?

So last Saturday, after I get back from the airport, I get dropped off at home (borrowed moms car for a while, and Shellys for a bit, not sure what I am going to do the next couple weeks just yet...) and get ready for work. I was closing the restaurant, but hey, we close at 10 so no big deal right? The last table sat forever, and it was my first close, so around 11 I finally get out of there and am headed to Leigha's to watch a movie and spend the night. On the drive, I figure, hey, pick up a bottle of wine to share/drink, and do so. Didn't even cross my mind that Leigha isn't a big wine fan and she might not have a cork screw...

So I get to her house and we start riffling through the drawers, and, naturally, the corkscrew she thought she had, belonged to a previous roommate. Now what? So we text a friend who manages a bar, asking him, how do you open wine without a cork screw? He gives a suggestion, and it didnt work. So we hack at it for a while and nothing. Finally we give up and determine if we leave quickly, we might make it to a liquor store by midnight to buy one. So we jump into the car and head to the nearest store. It closed at 11. But there is one across the street, so we go there. It cloeses at 12, but we pulled up at about 12:02. Yep, that close. But there has to be one that is open late? I mean, we are in Castledowns area, surely there is an open liquor store at midnight on a Saturday night. On the way to the next one, we stop at a Shoppers. Nope, closed at midnight, and even though it is now just 12:05 and someone is in line to pay for their items, we can't get in. Well after another 1/2 dozen tries, we stumble upon an open grocery store. To get in, I have to knock on the door, the cashier unlocks the door, lets me in, and then shuts it behind me, relocking it. Sure makes you feel safe in that part of town huh? But, nope, the mom and pop grocery store does not have any corkscrews. Pop into a 7-11, ask the cashier, she tells me no, so we move on. Finally, after probably close to a dozen stops/drives by various liquor stores and the like, we are headed back towards her place. On the way we pass a Macs and figure, what the heck right?

This is where it gets more interesting.

I'm wearing my charcol black dress jacket and a black scarf- a fashion scarf, not a cover your face to keep warm scarf. So I walk into the Macs and there is this guy, Middle Eastern I think, behind the counter on his Cell. He hangs up right away, and looks at me funny. This is how the exchange went: (L-Laura, E-Employee)
L- "Do you sell Corkscrews?" Said as I am laughing about something Leigha said as I walk into the store and up to the counter.
E- "I don't have access to the safe. I can't help you" He is looking at me like I am nuts.
L- "Excuse me? No, I want a cork screw, you know, used to open wine?" Thinking to myself, access to the safe, what the heck?
E- "My manager isn't here, I can't get into the safe" He is looking at me sorta wide eyed and almost looking slightly alarmed at this point. I am seriously thinking to myself, this guy is crazy! I park right in front, get out laughing, walk in when another customer had been there, and ask for a corkscrew and he seriously seems to think I am going to Rob him.
L- "No, look. (said ridiculously slowly) I want a cork screw. You know, a cork screw, to open a bottle of wine? You turn it into the cork and then pull it out?"
E- "No." To which I roll my eyes, determine I should look myself, walk up to a shelf, pull off a 3$ corkscrew, and walk back up to the counter, putting it down, perhaps a little forcefully,
L- "Just the corkscrew thanks, that'll be all" Possibly said with some sarcasm. So I pay for it and walk out.

Needless to say, it was an amusing way to spend 40 minutes, most work I've ever done for a bottle of wine, but it was fun and turned into a great story.

Oh ya. My second favorite part? The Macs store we ended up buying the cork screw from?

It shared a parking lot with the first liquor store...

Prayer Question

Those of you on my facebook already know this, but my uncle is sick. He was diagnosed with inoperable pancreatic cancer and it has already spread to his liver so medically speaking there is not much that can be done other than make him comfortable. It the other healing power that has me a little confused.

The natural instinct upon hearing this is to pray for healing. For the miracle that only God can perform, for the instant and medically inexplicable healing that Bible readers and other faithful know He is capable of.

The other option is to pray for peace. For calmness. For understanding. For acceptance. For strength. And all of those are to deal with the worst. With the impending passing.

Ok. So I know technically that you can pray for both, there is nothing wrong with it, but I am confused as to what is 'right'. I mean, I've always thought that we are supposed to accept God's will, that we are called to willingly accept His plan for us. But at the same time, there is alot out there about the power of prayer and how He will sometimes leave His intended course for another path, perhaps in the sense of healing someone.

So what is 'proper' to pray for? Healing or peace? I feel like I am contradicting myself asking both, but will continue to do so. Just feels like a conundrum.

My prayers and thoughts and love are with my uncle and his family. If you have a few to spare, I'd appreciate if you'd send some in his honor as well. Thanks.

A God Thing

So I realize that the title alone might be a struggle for some people. But sometimes, it really is that simple, that there are moments, events, days, that are God moments, more so than usual of course.. But anyways.

Breakforth 2009 was a God thing. Literally, by the end of the weekend, I feel as if I had seen Him everywhere and had spoken with Him on multiple occasions. Huh? Let me explain.
Breakforth is a large annual conference held in Edmonton. It focus's on many areas both within and outside of the church, worship, leadership, working with kids, poverty, and on and on. This year, more than 7000 ppl attended and were fortunate to have not only great breakout sessions, but some amazing speakers in the main sessions as well. Not to mention some unbelievable worship! (Michael W Smith, Brian Doerksen, Paul Baloche, Rita Baloche, Mercy Me, Brenton Brown, just to name a few). If you are curious, check out their website http://www.new-creation.net/ .

Anyways, so one of the speakers early in the conference really hit home with me. He was talking about how prayer shouldn't be a speech at God. It shouldn't be all about us talking to Him and Him simply listening and then filling our requests. No, it should be so much more. He explained that it should be a conversation. Huh? A conversation? With God? Ya, I thought it was pretty out there too, but wow have I learnt better!

This speaker (sorry, I can't recal what one it was, perhaps John Eldridge?) explained how the best way to converse with God is to completely empty your mind, don't think about the phone call you made to your sister last night, or that bill you have to mail tomorrow, just empty your mind and focus on God. Then comes the hard part, listen. Sure you can still pray, say your piece, get it all out there, but when you are done, sit and wait to see if He has anything to say back. Or ask Him a question, something simple, like 'what do you want to say to me'. That was His example, and it seems that alot of the time, he simply hears God responding with 'I Love You'. The speaker went on to say that part of being a Christian is having heard God's voice, so naturally the rest of the weekend would be filled with moments of listening.

I will freely admit, at first, I thought he was nuts. I mean, you can't hear God. But why not? He has done alot of pretty amazing things, talking to someone is cakewalk. But I gave it a try, needlessly it seemed.


Then something changed. And this is hard for me to share on here, but I really feel like I need to get it all out there. On Saturday night, I was at the Brenton Brown concert with a couple friends. We managed to find a sweet spot to stand, in an open area so we could dance or move or whatever while worshipping. Well at one point, during a song, I was standing there, praying away, when I had this urge to kneel. Let me tell you, I have never in my life kneeled while praying before, not even as a kid, so I couldn't figure out where the urge had come from so I ignored it. But it didn't go away. By the end of the song my need to kneel was so huge that I had no choice, I knelt. It wasn't until I was on my knees that I realized, God had just spoken to me, quite clearly. It was pretty neat. But there is more.


So I'm kneeling there, in the middle of the concert, singing and praying and just having an amazing worship experience, when I figure, well, since He started it, lets see if He will speak to me again. So I prayed just what the speaker suggested, I asked God what He had to tell me. It was pretty quick that the answer popped into my mind, 'I love you' but I wasn't convinced it was His voice, and not just myself hoping thats what He had to say. So I did something that I am not sure you are supposed to do, I tested God. I told Him, 'Ok God, if that was you, I want to see some proof. I want a hug, then I will know it was you and not just me wishfully thinking of what I wanted to hear'.

Perhaps that seems like an odd thing to ask for, but there is a little behind the scenes story to that. There is this Sunday evening youth service that I love to go to. Its at a Pentecostal church, and although I don't think it has a denomination, it has really taught me alot about worshipping to God and how He is the focus, ignore what is going on around you. There was a time last fall that while worshipping at this church, I was praying and I felt a breeze. My first thought was unexplicable- it felt like God was telling me He was with me, but I instantly dismissed that, opened my eyes and looked at the doors behind me. They were closed. Not closing, but closed. They hadn't been opened. Weird. So I went back to praying and pretty quickly after that, I felt like I was being hugged, but there wasn't a person hugging me, and I realized that I had got a hug from God.

So now here I am, at Breakforth, months later, and looking for confirmation, I test God by asking for a hug. While I felt something around me, it was nothing like the last time, but I accepted it and went back to worship. Well a short while later, one of my friends gets a phone call and goes running out, with no explaination. After being gone for a bit, he comes back, along with one of my good friends who has moved to Calgary. I didn't know he was in town, but he had just heard that I was there, so he comes running in and hugs me. Yep. A good friend of mine, someone I had no idea was around, within like 15 mins of my asking God for a hug, comes running in an gives me a massive hug. It was pretty cool.


One more thing. Some of you might know that I have applied for social work in the fall. Not sure that I will get in, but it feels great to know I have applied. But it has kinda been a wonder for me if it was something I am doing because I want to do it, or because it is where God wants me to be. So naturally, the last couple months I have often asked Him if I was pointed on the right path. With this whole, listening to God thing, I thought, Huh... Now is as good of a time as any. Well, throughout the weekend, there were 5 breakout session times. 4 of the sessions I attended were based on worship, but the 5th was different. It was titled silence the roar and from my understanding it was about fighting poverty in our world. So I went to it, no idea what was going to happen. Well, the speaker, Tom Davis, gets up front and tells us that he is the President of an organization called Children's Hope Chest (www.hopechest.org). An organization that works with orphanages throughout the world. Yep. International Orphanage work. Sound like something that just might interest me? So afterwards, my cousin and I go up to him to ask what sorta education suits working in the field with them. His response? 'Child psychologists and social workers are definitely good ones' and I thought, huh. Guess I am pointed in the right direction.


That wasn't the end of it. That evening at the Michael W Smith concert/worship was another powerful God moment, something that showed He was listening and responding to my prayers, but I wont bother you with the details. Needless to say, it truly was an unbelievable weekend, one that God was present at, and one that has definitely shown me that God wants to talk to us, He just needs us to listen, even if sometimes all He wants to say is "I Love You"


God Bless

Coffee Shop Conversations (yeah, I listened in)

I had a couple of really interesting experiences last week. On two occasions, I spent a few hours at a local Second Cup, working on various papers. I discovered that it is a really good place to work because there are outlets, they don't mind if you sit for a while, and I don't have any wireless connection, so no distractions. Needless to say, its a productive process so far and I intend to utilize it more often this semester. Anyways...

So Tuesday, I am sitting in the Second Cup, completely focused on my personal essay, answering questions in essay form as part of my Social Work packet (did I mention that I applied?) and when I look up. On the otherside of the store (restaurant? coffee shop?) there is a table with two men sitting at it. One is looks to be in his late 50's early 60's and the other in his mid to late 20's. No big deal right? But what grabbed at me, what really caught my attention, is that they were praying together. And not just a quick, hey, bless my coffee, amen, but an full out prayer. I don't know how long they had been praying before I looked up. But I sat and watched for almost 5 mins before they lifted their heads, unfolded their hands, cleared their table, and left. I was moved. For some reason it just really touched a chord in me.

Then on Friday. I am back at the same Second Cup (I highly recommend the White Hot Chocolate with Whipped Cream), sitting at a different spot. Working on a 1 1/2 page reflection question answer, and a 5-6 page book report on Sidney Crosby (for my Sport Sociology class). When I sat down, there were these three little ladies sitting at the table next to me. I didn't intend to eavsedrop, it just sort of happened, but these three ladies, who had be to late 60's at the youngest, were talking about the recent engagement of, one of them! It was so sweet to sit there and listen to a woman who had to be around 70 years old, talk with such excitement about her engagement. At one point, while she was in the bathroom, her companions sat and discussed how excited they were for her, how she deserved it, after being widowed so long, how her kids are grown up, and she is such a sweet woman. They figured the wedding would be packed because everyone from the lady's church would want to go because she was so well loved. And I honestly sat there, for the second time in a week, completely moved by something going on in a world that I have no part in.

I intend to write a blog about BREAKFORTH, the conference I went to this weekend, but my thoughts aren't quite organized on it yet. A part of me wonders if these two little events were somewhat a gift from God, having me take the time to sit back and appreciate the little things in life, to move my mind, heart, and soul and reach me by demonstrating His love for people, and people's devotion to Him. But I suppose I shall get into that later...

Have a great day! An amazing week! I'll try write about Breakforth soon =)