I don’t believe in coincidences.
I’ve always believed that everything happens for a reason and therefore coincidences are simply not possible. I don’t like believing that things happen without rhyme or reason. There has to be something more to it than that. I can’t simply accept that it occurs as a ‘fate of the universe’ or whatever you want to define coincidence by.
About a week and a half ago, I was at a friend’s housewarming party and having a late night chat with a good friend of mine. He commented that he felt like I was stressed and tense about things, that I was getting worried about too many things, and that he felt Ecuador would be good for me simply because I needed to get away for a while. (For those who don’t know, I applied to spend 6-8 months in Ecuador a few weeks ago, was waiting for a response for about 3 weeks and this conversation happened just before 2 weeks had past). He stated to me that he believed I really needed to take some time for myself, to step away from being so caught up in life. I went to bed with his words on my mind and thought about them alot the next day at work. In looking at my schedule I realized I had two days off in a row that week and decided I was going to take his words to heart sooner than intended- I began to make plans to go to Jasper for the night. Just one night. On my own. To drive up on Thursday, camp for the night, and then return on Friday in time to be at youth for 7pm.
I didn’t talk to too many people about it. Told a few people, most of whom seemed to think I was more than a little bit odd to want to drive all the way to Jasper to camp one night by myself. But I warmed to the idea very quickly. I love to drive. I love the mountains. I love when I have the time to sit and read without distractions, but I am so often distracted here. So to drive to Jasper, turn off my cell phone, camp for a night in the mountains, and to have time to spend alone, with God, without distractions... what could be a better way to spend two days off?
So? I went. I drove. I camped. I read. I reflected. I thought. I prayed. I worshipped. I relaxed.
And I loved it.
Psalm 2:12b reads ‘Blessed are all who take refuge in Him’ and essentially that is what I did. I took refuge in the silence. I came home feeling significantly more relaxed about life then I was when I left. Truth be told I hadn’t even really acknowledged that I was stressing about things. I freely admit I get distracted, that isn’t a secret, but the stress was creeping in slowly and I didn’t even realize it was there. But as I drove down the highway, stopping randomly to eat beside a river, as I sat at a campsite just outside Jasper, reading a book on Godwinks while sitting in the great outdoors, listening to the birds, bundled against the chill, and keeping my citronella candles close, as I drove down a back mountain road- so narrow it is one way based on the time you start to drive down it, as I sat beside the river near my campsite and simply read part of my Bible, I felt the stress begin to melt.
Hold on a moment. You’ve never heard of the term Godwinks? I hadn’t either before my night away, perhaps I'll call it my date with God, but the book that I read was on Godwinks- little happenings and coincidences that occur seemingly out of the blue or without reason. The author (whose name I can’t remember) wrote that “every Godwink is another reminder- another small, still message from God- that everything is going to be ok. Someday you will see everything from His perspective, and you’ll understand” and that essentially, “Godwinks are His way of sending us hugs, directly from Him”. Throughout the book he tells story after story of Godwinks- the little moments that happen (or sometimes don’t happen) right when you need them. He explained that Godwinks can occur in a variety of ways, personally, in hope, in comfort, in prayer and response to prayer, in unanswered prayers, in the moments that happen just in time, through family, and on our quests in life. Perhaps he explains them best in the conclusion where he state that “Godwinks are signposts from God, making his presence known in our everyday lives.”
What amazed me most as I was reading the book, is the logic of so much of what he was saying and the realization that my life, and likely yours, has been full of Godwinks, big and small, that have changed my life and are both small and large parts of I am where I am today. The phone call from a friend I haven’t talked to in forever just when I am feeling down, unexpected compliments, my hugs from God (explained in a previous post- Jan 2009- A God Thing), having the ability to find some peace after the death of my best friend (Aug 2009 post), an aunt and uncle unknowlingly showing up at my work when I desperately needed a pick me up, realizing in Haiti that I should be getting into Social Work not massage therapy, and there are so many more, as soon as I stop to think about them, Godwinks have been and are still, everywhere in my life.
What I didn’t realize, is that my friend telling me that he felt I needed time away was a Godwink. That my mini, one night trip to the mountains, was a Godwink. Returning home on Friday, I found myself so much more relaxed about everything. It was as if I finally allowed myself to return to living the 5 simple words that used to be such a key part of my life, I had finally remembered to “let go and let God”. Jeremiah 29:11 is one of my favourite bible verses, it was a huge strength for me after Mikes death- one of those Godwinks as a good friend of mine gave me a small little inspiration card that had this verse on it and it was something I needed so badly to remember. It reads “‘For I know the plans I have for you’, declares the Lord ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.’”
Turns out I needed to remember that. Because on Sunday Evening, I received an email from Ecuador telling me that while they appreciate my application, they feel that my lack of Spanish and my inexperience in social work practice in connection to the medical field means I am not a fit for what they are looking for at this time.
I thought I would be crushed if I received a no, I wanted to go so badly, but instead found myself almost instantly ok with it. Don’t get me wrong, I was disappointed, rejection is rejection, but I quickly accepted that if that was their decision, then it simply wasn’t supposed to be at this time, that for whatever reason, Ecuador is not where the Lord wants me right now. That maybe I wasn’t being called to go, maybe I was simply being tested to see if I would respond to the call to go. While this window of opportunity might be closing, somewhere out there, another door is opening- most likely in connection to my returning to school in the fall as I will be attending the University of Calgary’s satellite campus in Edmonton to turn my 2 year social work diploma from MacEwan into a Bachelor of Social Work Degree.
I received a crucial Godwink, at 4 in the morning, planting the seed of realization that I needed quiet time alone. I happened to have two days off in a row just days later- with no plans yet none-the-less. I took a trip and found a peace I didn’t realize I was missing, and suddenly dealing with one of the biggest “no’s” of my life is a breeze because I was able to reflect on my date with God and accept that it simply isn’t His plan for me at this time. It is just not meant to be, not part of His plan for me to actually go.
Think back on your day. Your week. Your month. Your life. Where have your Godwinks been? They are there, you just need to take the time to recognize them.I know that I am sure going to be paying better attention to the Godwinks in my life, and I hope to try give them the recognition they deserve!
