Am I glad to be home?

One of the biggest questions I have dealt with since returning to Canada is the seemingly basic "So, you glad to be home?". It is a question that can be answered so many way and in keeping with my recent desire to really enforce my own honesty, I try my best to explain my answer.
The answer to it is split. Yes. I am glad to be home. Home is where the heart is. It is where you can walk in and feel comfortable, knowing you have a place there. It is where you are loved, where you are accepted, where you are known and welcome without questions. So yes. It is awesome to return to home in that sense. To see all those who matter to me again. To slowly begin to catch up with those I didn't manage to keep in super contact with while I was in Haiti. To hug those around me and have them understand that, that is who I am. A hugger. To be in a place where I know my place. It is nice to be back to the familiar.
But at the same time. No. Not no I don't want to be/am not happy being home, but no I am not glad to be home because it means that I am not in Haiti. And wow do I miss Haiti.
It is strange to be here and look at my life from before. At the things that were in my life. The people that surround my life. I look at it all now and think that is has changed. It is all different.
Except that it isn't. It is exactly the same. It is simply my outlook that has changed. How I look at things around me. How I look at my life. How I understand and see people. How I look at myself.
I am not going to sit here and claim that who I am is different and that Haiti has changed everything about me. But I can sit here and tell you it has changed my perspective in alot of ways. It has me thinking about things from new angles. It has me challenging the things in my life.
When I left for Haiti I thought I was happy with my life. I was content, I had friends and a boyfriend. My health was good, I was enjoying my job and was advancing in it. Life was going pretty well. While I was there, I got a bit of a surprise to discover, after much personal reflection time, that I wasn't happy. Ok, I was doing what I had to do to get by. But I was getting by with the bare minimum. I wasn't Living my life. I was Surviving it(Just went to a Church retreat, so lots of thought from there to. It was an amazing weekend with fantastic speakers). And who in their right mind wants to simply survive life? I realized that I was in a rut. I was sitting there, in my comfort zone and coasting along without any effort.
Coming home with that realization is definitely an eye opener. Everything I do, everything I say I know think about a little more. I analyze it afterwards, I think about it and just try to figure out if what I said or did was the right thing to do. If it was who I want to be.
I am tired of my rut. But the question from that becomes, am I willing to do something about it?
I want to. But will I? The joy of life is I have no answer for that either. Just like I have no answer for pretty much every other aspect of my life... Got to get myself a 'univeral remote' like Adam Sandler does in "Click"
Ok. Thats all for now. I have to post this and read it over a few times. Think about it all again. Take care! Hope life is fantastic and phenomenal!