As the page turns and we step into the new year, I find myself predictably contemplative of the year past and of the year to come. As I sit here, killing time before leaving to catch a movie with a couple friends, I find myself alternating between reflecting on 2011 and wondering about 2012.
When I look back at the year as a whole, as I gaze into the mirror of my past year, how do I feel about it? Was it what I expected? What I wanted? Am I happy about how it went? Or do I find myself dissatisfied with it?
When I look into the year to come, peeking around the curtain of what is to come, I wonder not what my new years resolutions might be- I have long ago learnt that making some goal simply because a particular day of the year demands it is not sufficient for me in setting a goal that I will reach- but I wonder more simply than that. I wonder what will happen. Where the Lord will take me. Where my feet will go. How the year will affect the rest of my life.
Again I suppose both sides of contemplation are expected when I am sitting at a computer on the first of January. It can’t be unusual, or I don’t think so, to reflect on a year gone by. So I figured, since I am killing time anyways, why not share my reflections, in brief.
So how do I feel about 2011. I suppose that is nearly equivalent to how do I feel about my life right now, but that's a moot point. Overall, I think 2011 was a fantastic year. I don’t think it was at all what I expected. I mean parts of it were of course, new nieces and nephews, finally got my piece of paper, still volunteer with the youth at church, got to know myself better- but much of it was unexpected.
-My faith and relationship with the Lord is stronger than it ever has been.
-I left the restaurant industry, had the most amazing summer working with the youth at my church, and now drive courier (slight shift in profession types).
-I got the diploma, but still have no idea what I want to do.
-I’ve been developing friendships that I did not expect, finally allowing myself to actually go around the wall I built when my best friend passed away unexpectedly.
-I moved out.
-I accepted and embraced reaching a quarter century.
It has been a phenomenal year to say the least.
Where does that leave me in looking into 2012? Well, hopefully 2012 means more answers than questions, but I suppose part of the human nature is that we will forever be asking questions, so even if I find the answers to the ones I am presently asking, new ones, bigger ones, will most certainly crop up. But again, moot point as there is nothing I can do to answer, or ask, the questions that do not yet have a part in my life. So questions for 2012?
- Will I continue to grow in my faith or will I hit the wall that so many Christians face. If I hit the wall, or realistically I should ask when, how will I respond? Will I reach out to others or attempt to do it alone?
- Will I learn to be a better friend? To allow the wall around my heart to finish crumbling and allow others in?
- Will I finally find the man that I am praying for, the man that I am waiting for, so that I can begin building the relationship that my future will stand on?
- Am I going to figure out what I am supposed to do with my life career wise? The Goals and the steps to reach them?
- Am I going to return, again, to school?
- If I don’t return to school, if I remain lost in what I want to do with my life job-wise/career wise, and I remain single, then will I find the money to travel again? Will I look into the work visa I have thought briefly about on multiple occasions and open doors for myself by not just switching cities but switching countries, exploring more of the world and learning more of its history while working towards building myself and my future.
- Will I keep dancing, or better yet will I be fortunate enough to improve- learning more moves and possibly different styles.
I could go on and on, the questions really don’t stop. But I think I will leave them at that and allow myself to stew on those for now as I can already feel the smoke coming out of my ears in wondering. It isn’t our place to know in advance, “for I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future” (Jer 29:11), but we just can’t help wondering.
Overall? I am good where I am at. I am blessed with both the most amazing immediate family and a pretty spectacular extended family on both sides. I have friends that care about me through thick and thin, friends who are available for not only the serious but for the ridiculous and the spontaneous, for the fun and for joining me in grabbing life by the horns and going with it(I admit sometimes I forget I have these friends). I have the most unbelievable volunteer position with some fan-freaking-tastic youth who are more than a little weird but that's ok because that means I fit right in with them. I have a great place to live and a roommate who is patient with me. I have my health. I have a God that is never apart from me regardless of how far I might feel sometimes, how alone I might feel.
How can I not be good where I am at?
Happy New Years to all. God Bless you in the year to come. Here’s to 2012!
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