As the page turns and we step into the new year, I find myself predictably contemplative of the year past and of the year to come. As I sit here, killing time before leaving to catch a movie with a couple friends, I find myself alternating between reflecting on 2011 and wondering about 2012.
When I look back at the year as a whole, as I gaze into the mirror of my past year, how do I feel about it? Was it what I expected? What I wanted? Am I happy about how it went? Or do I find myself dissatisfied with it?
When I look into the year to come, peeking around the curtain of what is to come, I wonder not what my new years resolutions might be- I have long ago learnt that making some goal simply because a particular day of the year demands it is not sufficient for me in setting a goal that I will reach- but I wonder more simply than that. I wonder what will happen. Where the Lord will take me. Where my feet will go. How the year will affect the rest of my life.
Again I suppose both sides of contemplation are expected when I am sitting at a computer on the first of January. It can’t be unusual, or I don’t think so, to reflect on a year gone by. So I figured, since I am killing time anyways, why not share my reflections, in brief.
So how do I feel about 2011. I suppose that is nearly equivalent to how do I feel about my life right now, but that's a moot point. Overall, I think 2011 was a fantastic year. I don’t think it was at all what I expected. I mean parts of it were of course, new nieces and nephews, finally got my piece of paper, still volunteer with the youth at church, got to know myself better- but much of it was unexpected.
-My faith and relationship with the Lord is stronger than it ever has been.
-I left the restaurant industry, had the most amazing summer working with the youth at my church, and now drive courier (slight shift in profession types).
-I got the diploma, but still have no idea what I want to do.
-I’ve been developing friendships that I did not expect, finally allowing myself to actually go around the wall I built when my best friend passed away unexpectedly.
-I moved out.
-I accepted and embraced reaching a quarter century.
It has been a phenomenal year to say the least.
Where does that leave me in looking into 2012? Well, hopefully 2012 means more answers than questions, but I suppose part of the human nature is that we will forever be asking questions, so even if I find the answers to the ones I am presently asking, new ones, bigger ones, will most certainly crop up. But again, moot point as there is nothing I can do to answer, or ask, the questions that do not yet have a part in my life. So questions for 2012?
- Will I continue to grow in my faith or will I hit the wall that so many Christians face. If I hit the wall, or realistically I should ask when, how will I respond? Will I reach out to others or attempt to do it alone?
- Will I learn to be a better friend? To allow the wall around my heart to finish crumbling and allow others in?
- Will I finally find the man that I am praying for, the man that I am waiting for, so that I can begin building the relationship that my future will stand on?
- Am I going to figure out what I am supposed to do with my life career wise? The Goals and the steps to reach them?
- Am I going to return, again, to school?
- If I don’t return to school, if I remain lost in what I want to do with my life job-wise/career wise, and I remain single, then will I find the money to travel again? Will I look into the work visa I have thought briefly about on multiple occasions and open doors for myself by not just switching cities but switching countries, exploring more of the world and learning more of its history while working towards building myself and my future.
- Will I keep dancing, or better yet will I be fortunate enough to improve- learning more moves and possibly different styles.
I could go on and on, the questions really don’t stop. But I think I will leave them at that and allow myself to stew on those for now as I can already feel the smoke coming out of my ears in wondering. It isn’t our place to know in advance, “for I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future” (Jer 29:11), but we just can’t help wondering.
Overall? I am good where I am at. I am blessed with both the most amazing immediate family and a pretty spectacular extended family on both sides. I have friends that care about me through thick and thin, friends who are available for not only the serious but for the ridiculous and the spontaneous, for the fun and for joining me in grabbing life by the horns and going with it(I admit sometimes I forget I have these friends). I have the most unbelievable volunteer position with some fan-freaking-tastic youth who are more than a little weird but that's ok because that means I fit right in with them. I have a great place to live and a roommate who is patient with me. I have my health. I have a God that is never apart from me regardless of how far I might feel sometimes, how alone I might feel.
How can I not be good where I am at?
Happy New Years to all. God Bless you in the year to come. Here’s to 2012!
Sunday, January 01, 2012
Thursday, December 15, 2011
How My Summer Went (thru Report and Footnote)
Summer End Internship Position Report
There are times in our lives that we stumble into circumstances that are so beyond what we deserve. I feel that way about my summer at Bethel. I can honestly say that I think I just had the best summer of my life and for the first time in my life I feel like I have done a job that actually matters, that I have been challenged on a number of levels, that I have been blessed by the work I have done and more importantly, that I have been blessed by the youth that I’ve worked with.
During the summer, with the regular youth program on hiatus, Bethel runs a more casual summer program called the PLOT on Tuesday nights along with a couple of day trips and a wrap up night at the lake. My summer of working at Bethel has been a whirlwind of activity as I was in charge of the PLOT and included: planning events and activities; advertising for upcoming activities; bringing in volunteers and trying to arrange drivers; hyping the events with the youth; helping out with the sports camps; helping out with the church’s kids camp; setting up, running and cleaning up after the events and activities; and spending quality one on one time with the girls in the youth group.
Despite my initial uncertainty about working in a new field, it didn’t take long to realize that working with the youth through the church was not only something I could adapt to, but something I could excel in.
Summer End Bulletin Footnote
Well, you’ve been reading my bulletin announcements all summer long and it is time for me to sum it up and tell you how the summer with the youth went in 8 words or less. What a blessing this summer has been! There is a part of me that honestly believes I can leave it at that and enough has been said, but I do realize that in order for you to understand I am going to have to be a bit more succinct than that. So I will do my best.
This summer, I have had the opportunity to build relationships with children and youth from both the community and the church. From planning and running the Plot, organizing a couple of day outs and an overnight at the lake, helping out with the Basketball and Soccer camps, and assisting with Kids Camp, it has been a very busy summer!
As I’ve learnt many things this summer, personally, professionally, and spiritually, I don’t even know where to begin filling you in on them. I’ve learnt how to lead a group of youth through a devotion, I’ve now written and given two mini-message, I’ve learnt the value of working with people who constantly lift you up and appreciate you, I’ve learnt to make to-do lists and the importance of following them, and most importantly I’ve learnt that when you give the youth the opportunity to step up to the plate, they often will.
It has been amazing to watch the youth from Bethel help out with the camps this summer and their participation and assistance was both crucial and valuable to the success of these summer camps that we run as outreach to the community. Add the community youth who attended basketball or soccer camp and have since been out to the Plot either Tuesday nights or for a Thursday day out and consider how accepting they have been of new kids to the Plot and I have been so impressed with them and blessed by their willingness to help and their openness to accepting new youth.
After a phenomenal summer, I can honestly sit back and feel like I have been a part of something worthwhile, because having the chance to connect to the youth and remind them of the Lord’s consistent love for them is one of the most worthwhile things I have ever done. God Bless. See you next summer! =)
There are times in our lives that we stumble into circumstances that are so beyond what we deserve. I feel that way about my summer at Bethel. I can honestly say that I think I just had the best summer of my life and for the first time in my life I feel like I have done a job that actually matters, that I have been challenged on a number of levels, that I have been blessed by the work I have done and more importantly, that I have been blessed by the youth that I’ve worked with.
During the summer, with the regular youth program on hiatus, Bethel runs a more casual summer program called the PLOT on Tuesday nights along with a couple of day trips and a wrap up night at the lake. My summer of working at Bethel has been a whirlwind of activity as I was in charge of the PLOT and included: planning events and activities; advertising for upcoming activities; bringing in volunteers and trying to arrange drivers; hyping the events with the youth; helping out with the sports camps; helping out with the church’s kids camp; setting up, running and cleaning up after the events and activities; and spending quality one on one time with the girls in the youth group.
Despite my initial uncertainty about working in a new field, it didn’t take long to realize that working with the youth through the church was not only something I could adapt to, but something I could excel in.
Summer End Bulletin Footnote
Well, you’ve been reading my bulletin announcements all summer long and it is time for me to sum it up and tell you how the summer with the youth went in 8 words or less. What a blessing this summer has been! There is a part of me that honestly believes I can leave it at that and enough has been said, but I do realize that in order for you to understand I am going to have to be a bit more succinct than that. So I will do my best.
This summer, I have had the opportunity to build relationships with children and youth from both the community and the church. From planning and running the Plot, organizing a couple of day outs and an overnight at the lake, helping out with the Basketball and Soccer camps, and assisting with Kids Camp, it has been a very busy summer!
As I’ve learnt many things this summer, personally, professionally, and spiritually, I don’t even know where to begin filling you in on them. I’ve learnt how to lead a group of youth through a devotion, I’ve now written and given two mini-message, I’ve learnt the value of working with people who constantly lift you up and appreciate you, I’ve learnt to make to-do lists and the importance of following them, and most importantly I’ve learnt that when you give the youth the opportunity to step up to the plate, they often will.
It has been amazing to watch the youth from Bethel help out with the camps this summer and their participation and assistance was both crucial and valuable to the success of these summer camps that we run as outreach to the community. Add the community youth who attended basketball or soccer camp and have since been out to the Plot either Tuesday nights or for a Thursday day out and consider how accepting they have been of new kids to the Plot and I have been so impressed with them and blessed by their willingness to help and their openness to accepting new youth.
After a phenomenal summer, I can honestly sit back and feel like I have been a part of something worthwhile, because having the chance to connect to the youth and remind them of the Lord’s consistent love for them is one of the most worthwhile things I have ever done. God Bless. See you next summer! =)
Cloudy Crystal Ball
I am not waiting tables.
I am not in some foreign country.
I am not in university.
I am not living in my parents basement anymore.
Can I leave it at that? Part of me wants to. Considering my last couple of posts that goes to show how bad I suck at planning out where I am going with things =) Or perhaps it demonstrates my inability to follow through. I obviously have a very ineffective crystal ball when it comes to looking into my own future.
A short time after writing my last blog (way back in June) I got wind that my morning church was going to be looking for someone to finish out the summer youth internship position. The church has had this position for quite a while now and it had never crossed my mind to apply for it but somehow when I heard this time, something in me just clicked. So I spoke to the youth director, officially applied, and within a few days began my new job. It was a complete Godsend to find that job. (It has been a while since that wrapped up so rather than re-hashing it perhaps I’ll share my summer end footnote and a clip of my report to give a brief idea for those who haven’t seen it.) It was an experience that stretched me and blessed me and it didn’t take me long to realize that I was tired of working in a negative atmosphere, that the restaurant was sucking the happiness out of me and making me bitter, and so I quit my serving job and focused on enjoying the summer with just the one job.
I had a wonderful and amazing visit from Consu, my former Chilean exchange student. She was here for 8 months when I was in Grade 12 and then I spent two months down there the following winter(Chilean summer). The visit included time to attend my grandparents anniversary celebration- every five years moms side of the family does a big week of camping and, as always, it was epic.
I turned 25. Big deal right? Cept for me it was a big deal. It was something that I really struggled with but as it loomed closer and closer I grew more ok with it. Turned out to be an amazing weekend. The day fell on the same day as our wrap up to soccer camp, so the kids in camp were super cute to me all day, we had a huge cake, and one of my youth made me a wicked card and brownies. Had dinner with a few of my closest friends then went two stepping. Oh, and got a picture of me kissing the Stanley Cup as it happened to be at Cook that night. So stoked! Next day I had a bbq and like 30 people came out and hung out for the afternoon/evening/night enjoying dinner together, a fire, card games, football, and dancing on the spectacular dance floor that my dad made for me. Yeah it was a great weekend.
Over the course of the summer I was accepted to U of C in Edmonton for my Bachelor of Social Work (2 more years to upgrade my current diploma to the degree) but decided to turn it down and go to Nicaragua for a 7 month mission trip. However, as summer slipped through my fingers and finally I received my application, I realized that it wasn’t what I was supposed to do. So I decided not to go and got a job driving Courier for a small company that a friend of mine works for as the Edmonton Manager. First it was mostly hot shots and the morning run to Red Deer (in Red Deer by 7am) but the last month and a half I’ve been doing the full time in city route and I LOVE IT. I drive. I listen to music. I don't have to deal with cranky customers. It's fantastic.
Well after deciding I wasn’t going back to school this fall or going on mission trip, my rent free agreement with the folks was over so I called up one of my bests and moved into her apartment two weeks later. It has been about two and a half months and it is going really well (far as I know, hope she agrees!). I love being on my own, I love having a roommate, and as much as I want to end up in the country someday, for now, I love being closer to the city and my life.
I am still volunteering with the youth at my church, love it, love them, and am actually going as the female leader for their spring break Mexico mission trip. We’ve 15 youth, 7 girls and 8 boys I believe, and three of us leaders going down for about a week. Whats neat about it is it’ll be pretty much exactly ten years since I went down to Mexico as the youth. Ah- the many memories of El Paso Texas and Juarez, Mexico.
From here on forward, well good question. Keep working. Maybe find a second job. Determine if I want to go back to school for my Bachelors. Maybe back for a different field. Find a job that is more career than job. Possibly travel some more (unlikely unless it is with a work visa). Be lucky enough to find the man for me. Who knows. I sure don’t. Last time I try to guess, I wasn’t even close. But it should be fun moving forward, got to love how life constantly changes!
I am not in some foreign country.
I am not in university.
I am not living in my parents basement anymore.
Can I leave it at that? Part of me wants to. Considering my last couple of posts that goes to show how bad I suck at planning out where I am going with things =) Or perhaps it demonstrates my inability to follow through. I obviously have a very ineffective crystal ball when it comes to looking into my own future.
A short time after writing my last blog (way back in June) I got wind that my morning church was going to be looking for someone to finish out the summer youth internship position. The church has had this position for quite a while now and it had never crossed my mind to apply for it but somehow when I heard this time, something in me just clicked. So I spoke to the youth director, officially applied, and within a few days began my new job. It was a complete Godsend to find that job. (It has been a while since that wrapped up so rather than re-hashing it perhaps I’ll share my summer end footnote and a clip of my report to give a brief idea for those who haven’t seen it.) It was an experience that stretched me and blessed me and it didn’t take me long to realize that I was tired of working in a negative atmosphere, that the restaurant was sucking the happiness out of me and making me bitter, and so I quit my serving job and focused on enjoying the summer with just the one job.
I had a wonderful and amazing visit from Consu, my former Chilean exchange student. She was here for 8 months when I was in Grade 12 and then I spent two months down there the following winter(Chilean summer). The visit included time to attend my grandparents anniversary celebration- every five years moms side of the family does a big week of camping and, as always, it was epic.
I turned 25. Big deal right? Cept for me it was a big deal. It was something that I really struggled with but as it loomed closer and closer I grew more ok with it. Turned out to be an amazing weekend. The day fell on the same day as our wrap up to soccer camp, so the kids in camp were super cute to me all day, we had a huge cake, and one of my youth made me a wicked card and brownies. Had dinner with a few of my closest friends then went two stepping. Oh, and got a picture of me kissing the Stanley Cup as it happened to be at Cook that night. So stoked! Next day I had a bbq and like 30 people came out and hung out for the afternoon/evening/night enjoying dinner together, a fire, card games, football, and dancing on the spectacular dance floor that my dad made for me. Yeah it was a great weekend.
Over the course of the summer I was accepted to U of C in Edmonton for my Bachelor of Social Work (2 more years to upgrade my current diploma to the degree) but decided to turn it down and go to Nicaragua for a 7 month mission trip. However, as summer slipped through my fingers and finally I received my application, I realized that it wasn’t what I was supposed to do. So I decided not to go and got a job driving Courier for a small company that a friend of mine works for as the Edmonton Manager. First it was mostly hot shots and the morning run to Red Deer (in Red Deer by 7am) but the last month and a half I’ve been doing the full time in city route and I LOVE IT. I drive. I listen to music. I don't have to deal with cranky customers. It's fantastic.
Well after deciding I wasn’t going back to school this fall or going on mission trip, my rent free agreement with the folks was over so I called up one of my bests and moved into her apartment two weeks later. It has been about two and a half months and it is going really well (far as I know, hope she agrees!). I love being on my own, I love having a roommate, and as much as I want to end up in the country someday, for now, I love being closer to the city and my life.
I am still volunteering with the youth at my church, love it, love them, and am actually going as the female leader for their spring break Mexico mission trip. We’ve 15 youth, 7 girls and 8 boys I believe, and three of us leaders going down for about a week. Whats neat about it is it’ll be pretty much exactly ten years since I went down to Mexico as the youth. Ah- the many memories of El Paso Texas and Juarez, Mexico.
From here on forward, well good question. Keep working. Maybe find a second job. Determine if I want to go back to school for my Bachelors. Maybe back for a different field. Find a job that is more career than job. Possibly travel some more (unlikely unless it is with a work visa). Be lucky enough to find the man for me. Who knows. I sure don’t. Last time I try to guess, I wasn’t even close. But it should be fun moving forward, got to love how life constantly changes!
Thursday, June 09, 2011
Godwinks and A Date with God
I don’t believe in coincidences.
I’ve always believed that everything happens for a reason and therefore coincidences are simply not possible. I don’t like believing that things happen without rhyme or reason. There has to be something more to it than that. I can’t simply accept that it occurs as a ‘fate of the universe’ or whatever you want to define coincidence by.
About a week and a half ago, I was at a friend’s housewarming party and having a late night chat with a good friend of mine. He commented that he felt like I was stressed and tense about things, that I was getting worried about too many things, and that he felt Ecuador would be good for me simply because I needed to get away for a while. (For those who don’t know, I applied to spend 6-8 months in Ecuador a few weeks ago, was waiting for a response for about 3 weeks and this conversation happened just before 2 weeks had past). He stated to me that he believed I really needed to take some time for myself, to step away from being so caught up in life. I went to bed with his words on my mind and thought about them alot the next day at work. In looking at my schedule I realized I had two days off in a row that week and decided I was going to take his words to heart sooner than intended- I began to make plans to go to Jasper for the night. Just one night. On my own. To drive up on Thursday, camp for the night, and then return on Friday in time to be at youth for 7pm.
I didn’t talk to too many people about it. Told a few people, most of whom seemed to think I was more than a little bit odd to want to drive all the way to Jasper to camp one night by myself. But I warmed to the idea very quickly. I love to drive. I love the mountains. I love when I have the time to sit and read without distractions, but I am so often distracted here. So to drive to Jasper, turn off my cell phone, camp for a night in the mountains, and to have time to spend alone, with God, without distractions... what could be a better way to spend two days off?
So? I went. I drove. I camped. I read. I reflected. I thought. I prayed. I worshipped. I relaxed.
And I loved it.
Psalm 2:12b reads ‘Blessed are all who take refuge in Him’ and essentially that is what I did. I took refuge in the silence. I came home feeling significantly more relaxed about life then I was when I left. Truth be told I hadn’t even really acknowledged that I was stressing about things. I freely admit I get distracted, that isn’t a secret, but the stress was creeping in slowly and I didn’t even realize it was there. But as I drove down the highway, stopping randomly to eat beside a river, as I sat at a campsite just outside Jasper, reading a book on Godwinks while sitting in the great outdoors, listening to the birds, bundled against the chill, and keeping my citronella candles close, as I drove down a back mountain road- so narrow it is one way based on the time you start to drive down it, as I sat beside the river near my campsite and simply read part of my Bible, I felt the stress begin to melt.
Hold on a moment. You’ve never heard of the term Godwinks? I hadn’t either before my night away, perhaps I'll call it my date with God, but the book that I read was on Godwinks- little happenings and coincidences that occur seemingly out of the blue or without reason. The author (whose name I can’t remember) wrote that “every Godwink is another reminder- another small, still message from God- that everything is going to be ok. Someday you will see everything from His perspective, and you’ll understand” and that essentially, “Godwinks are His way of sending us hugs, directly from Him”. Throughout the book he tells story after story of Godwinks- the little moments that happen (or sometimes don’t happen) right when you need them. He explained that Godwinks can occur in a variety of ways, personally, in hope, in comfort, in prayer and response to prayer, in unanswered prayers, in the moments that happen just in time, through family, and on our quests in life. Perhaps he explains them best in the conclusion where he state that “Godwinks are signposts from God, making his presence known in our everyday lives.”
What amazed me most as I was reading the book, is the logic of so much of what he was saying and the realization that my life, and likely yours, has been full of Godwinks, big and small, that have changed my life and are both small and large parts of I am where I am today. The phone call from a friend I haven’t talked to in forever just when I am feeling down, unexpected compliments, my hugs from God (explained in a previous post- Jan 2009- A God Thing), having the ability to find some peace after the death of my best friend (Aug 2009 post), an aunt and uncle unknowlingly showing up at my work when I desperately needed a pick me up, realizing in Haiti that I should be getting into Social Work not massage therapy, and there are so many more, as soon as I stop to think about them, Godwinks have been and are still, everywhere in my life.
What I didn’t realize, is that my friend telling me that he felt I needed time away was a Godwink. That my mini, one night trip to the mountains, was a Godwink. Returning home on Friday, I found myself so much more relaxed about everything. It was as if I finally allowed myself to return to living the 5 simple words that used to be such a key part of my life, I had finally remembered to “let go and let God”. Jeremiah 29:11 is one of my favourite bible verses, it was a huge strength for me after Mikes death- one of those Godwinks as a good friend of mine gave me a small little inspiration card that had this verse on it and it was something I needed so badly to remember. It reads “‘For I know the plans I have for you’, declares the Lord ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.’”
Turns out I needed to remember that. Because on Sunday Evening, I received an email from Ecuador telling me that while they appreciate my application, they feel that my lack of Spanish and my inexperience in social work practice in connection to the medical field means I am not a fit for what they are looking for at this time.
I thought I would be crushed if I received a no, I wanted to go so badly, but instead found myself almost instantly ok with it. Don’t get me wrong, I was disappointed, rejection is rejection, but I quickly accepted that if that was their decision, then it simply wasn’t supposed to be at this time, that for whatever reason, Ecuador is not where the Lord wants me right now. That maybe I wasn’t being called to go, maybe I was simply being tested to see if I would respond to the call to go. While this window of opportunity might be closing, somewhere out there, another door is opening- most likely in connection to my returning to school in the fall as I will be attending the University of Calgary’s satellite campus in Edmonton to turn my 2 year social work diploma from MacEwan into a Bachelor of Social Work Degree.
I received a crucial Godwink, at 4 in the morning, planting the seed of realization that I needed quiet time alone. I happened to have two days off in a row just days later- with no plans yet none-the-less. I took a trip and found a peace I didn’t realize I was missing, and suddenly dealing with one of the biggest “no’s” of my life is a breeze because I was able to reflect on my date with God and accept that it simply isn’t His plan for me at this time. It is just not meant to be, not part of His plan for me to actually go.
Think back on your day. Your week. Your month. Your life. Where have your Godwinks been? They are there, you just need to take the time to recognize them.I know that I am sure going to be paying better attention to the Godwinks in my life, and I hope to try give them the recognition they deserve!
I’ve always believed that everything happens for a reason and therefore coincidences are simply not possible. I don’t like believing that things happen without rhyme or reason. There has to be something more to it than that. I can’t simply accept that it occurs as a ‘fate of the universe’ or whatever you want to define coincidence by.
About a week and a half ago, I was at a friend’s housewarming party and having a late night chat with a good friend of mine. He commented that he felt like I was stressed and tense about things, that I was getting worried about too many things, and that he felt Ecuador would be good for me simply because I needed to get away for a while. (For those who don’t know, I applied to spend 6-8 months in Ecuador a few weeks ago, was waiting for a response for about 3 weeks and this conversation happened just before 2 weeks had past). He stated to me that he believed I really needed to take some time for myself, to step away from being so caught up in life. I went to bed with his words on my mind and thought about them alot the next day at work. In looking at my schedule I realized I had two days off in a row that week and decided I was going to take his words to heart sooner than intended- I began to make plans to go to Jasper for the night. Just one night. On my own. To drive up on Thursday, camp for the night, and then return on Friday in time to be at youth for 7pm.
I didn’t talk to too many people about it. Told a few people, most of whom seemed to think I was more than a little bit odd to want to drive all the way to Jasper to camp one night by myself. But I warmed to the idea very quickly. I love to drive. I love the mountains. I love when I have the time to sit and read without distractions, but I am so often distracted here. So to drive to Jasper, turn off my cell phone, camp for a night in the mountains, and to have time to spend alone, with God, without distractions... what could be a better way to spend two days off?
So? I went. I drove. I camped. I read. I reflected. I thought. I prayed. I worshipped. I relaxed.
And I loved it.
Psalm 2:12b reads ‘Blessed are all who take refuge in Him’ and essentially that is what I did. I took refuge in the silence. I came home feeling significantly more relaxed about life then I was when I left. Truth be told I hadn’t even really acknowledged that I was stressing about things. I freely admit I get distracted, that isn’t a secret, but the stress was creeping in slowly and I didn’t even realize it was there. But as I drove down the highway, stopping randomly to eat beside a river, as I sat at a campsite just outside Jasper, reading a book on Godwinks while sitting in the great outdoors, listening to the birds, bundled against the chill, and keeping my citronella candles close, as I drove down a back mountain road- so narrow it is one way based on the time you start to drive down it, as I sat beside the river near my campsite and simply read part of my Bible, I felt the stress begin to melt.
Hold on a moment. You’ve never heard of the term Godwinks? I hadn’t either before my night away, perhaps I'll call it my date with God, but the book that I read was on Godwinks- little happenings and coincidences that occur seemingly out of the blue or without reason. The author (whose name I can’t remember) wrote that “every Godwink is another reminder- another small, still message from God- that everything is going to be ok. Someday you will see everything from His perspective, and you’ll understand” and that essentially, “Godwinks are His way of sending us hugs, directly from Him”. Throughout the book he tells story after story of Godwinks- the little moments that happen (or sometimes don’t happen) right when you need them. He explained that Godwinks can occur in a variety of ways, personally, in hope, in comfort, in prayer and response to prayer, in unanswered prayers, in the moments that happen just in time, through family, and on our quests in life. Perhaps he explains them best in the conclusion where he state that “Godwinks are signposts from God, making his presence known in our everyday lives.”
What amazed me most as I was reading the book, is the logic of so much of what he was saying and the realization that my life, and likely yours, has been full of Godwinks, big and small, that have changed my life and are both small and large parts of I am where I am today. The phone call from a friend I haven’t talked to in forever just when I am feeling down, unexpected compliments, my hugs from God (explained in a previous post- Jan 2009- A God Thing), having the ability to find some peace after the death of my best friend (Aug 2009 post), an aunt and uncle unknowlingly showing up at my work when I desperately needed a pick me up, realizing in Haiti that I should be getting into Social Work not massage therapy, and there are so many more, as soon as I stop to think about them, Godwinks have been and are still, everywhere in my life.
What I didn’t realize, is that my friend telling me that he felt I needed time away was a Godwink. That my mini, one night trip to the mountains, was a Godwink. Returning home on Friday, I found myself so much more relaxed about everything. It was as if I finally allowed myself to return to living the 5 simple words that used to be such a key part of my life, I had finally remembered to “let go and let God”. Jeremiah 29:11 is one of my favourite bible verses, it was a huge strength for me after Mikes death- one of those Godwinks as a good friend of mine gave me a small little inspiration card that had this verse on it and it was something I needed so badly to remember. It reads “‘For I know the plans I have for you’, declares the Lord ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.’”
Turns out I needed to remember that. Because on Sunday Evening, I received an email from Ecuador telling me that while they appreciate my application, they feel that my lack of Spanish and my inexperience in social work practice in connection to the medical field means I am not a fit for what they are looking for at this time.
I thought I would be crushed if I received a no, I wanted to go so badly, but instead found myself almost instantly ok with it. Don’t get me wrong, I was disappointed, rejection is rejection, but I quickly accepted that if that was their decision, then it simply wasn’t supposed to be at this time, that for whatever reason, Ecuador is not where the Lord wants me right now. That maybe I wasn’t being called to go, maybe I was simply being tested to see if I would respond to the call to go. While this window of opportunity might be closing, somewhere out there, another door is opening- most likely in connection to my returning to school in the fall as I will be attending the University of Calgary’s satellite campus in Edmonton to turn my 2 year social work diploma from MacEwan into a Bachelor of Social Work Degree.
I received a crucial Godwink, at 4 in the morning, planting the seed of realization that I needed quiet time alone. I happened to have two days off in a row just days later- with no plans yet none-the-less. I took a trip and found a peace I didn’t realize I was missing, and suddenly dealing with one of the biggest “no’s” of my life is a breeze because I was able to reflect on my date with God and accept that it simply isn’t His plan for me at this time. It is just not meant to be, not part of His plan for me to actually go.
Think back on your day. Your week. Your month. Your life. Where have your Godwinks been? They are there, you just need to take the time to recognize them.I know that I am sure going to be paying better attention to the Godwinks in my life, and I hope to try give them the recognition they deserve!
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