Life of Smiley

Curtains and Mirrors

2012-01-01T20:54:00.001-07:00

As the page turns and we step into the new year, I find myself predictably contemplative of the year past and of the year to come. As I sit here, killing time before leaving to catch a movie with a couple friends, I find myself alternating between reflecting on 2011 and wondering about 2012.

When I look back at the year as a whole, as I gaze into the mirror of my past year, how do I feel about it? Was it what I expected? What I wanted? Am I happy about how it went? Or do I find myself dissatisfied with it?

When I look into the year to come, peeking around the curtain of what is to come, I wonder not what my new years resolutions might be- I have long ago learnt that making some goal simply because a particular day of the year demands it is not sufficient for me in setting a goal that I will reach- but I wonder more simply than that. I wonder what will happen. Where the Lord will take me. Where my feet will go. How the year will affect the rest of my life.

Again I suppose both sides of contemplation are expected when I am sitting at a computer on the first of January. It can’t be unusual, or I don’t think so, to reflect on a year gone by. So I figured, since I am killing time anyways, why not share my reflections, in brief.

So how do I feel about 2011. I suppose that is nearly equivalent to how do I feel about my life right now, but that's a moot point. Overall, I think 2011 was a fantastic year. I don’t think it was at all what I expected. I mean parts of it were of course, new nieces and nephews, finally got my piece of paper, still volunteer with the youth at church, got to know myself better- but much of it was unexpected.
-My faith and relationship with the Lord is stronger than it ever has been.
-I left the restaurant industry, had the most amazing summer working with the youth at my church, and now drive courier (slight shift in profession types).
-I got the diploma, but still have no idea what I want to do.
-I’ve been developing friendships that I did not expect, finally allowing myself to actually go around the wall I built when my best friend passed away unexpectedly.
-I moved out.
-I accepted and embraced reaching a quarter century.
It has been a phenomenal year to say the least.

Where does that leave me in looking into 2012? Well, hopefully 2012 means more answers than questions, but I suppose part of the human nature is that we will forever be asking questions, so even if I find the answers to the ones I am presently asking, new ones, bigger ones, will most certainly crop up. But again, moot point as there is nothing I can do to answer, or ask, the questions that do not yet have a part in my life. So questions for 2012?
- Will I continue to grow in my faith or will I hit the wall that so many Christians face. If I hit the wall, or realistically I should ask when, how will I respond? Will I reach out to others or attempt to do it alone?
- Will I learn to be a better friend? To allow the wall around my heart to finish crumbling and allow others in?
- Will I finally find the man that I am praying for, the man that I am waiting for, so that I can begin building the relationship that my future will stand on?
- Am I going to figure out what I am supposed to do with my life career wise? The Goals and the steps to reach them?
- Am I going to return, again, to school?
- If I don’t return to school, if I remain lost in what I want to do with my life job-wise/career wise, and I remain single, then will I find the money to travel again? Will I look into the work visa I have thought briefly about on multiple occasions and open doors for myself by not just switching cities but switching countries, exploring more of the world and learning more of its history while working towards building myself and my future.
- Will I keep dancing, or better yet will I be fortunate enough to improve- learning more moves and possibly different styles.

I could go on and on, the questions really don’t stop. But I think I will leave them at that and allow myself to stew on those for now as I can already feel the smoke coming out of my ears in wondering. It isn’t our place to know in advance, “for I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future” (Jer 29:11), but we just can’t help wondering.

Overall? I am good where I am at. I am blessed with both the most amazing immediate family and a pretty spectacular extended family on both sides. I have friends that care about me through thick and thin, friends who are available for not only the serious but for the ridiculous and the spontaneous, for the fun and for joining me in grabbing life by the horns and going with it(I admit sometimes I forget I have these friends). I have the most unbelievable volunteer position with some fan-freaking-tastic youth who are more than a little weird but that's ok because that means I fit right in with them. I have a great place to live and a roommate who is patient with me. I have my health. I have a God that is never apart from me regardless of how far I might feel sometimes, how alone I might feel.

How can I not be good where I am at?

Happy New Years to all. God Bless you in the year to come. Here’s to 2012!

How My Summer Went (thru Report and Footnote)

2011-12-15T18:44:00.000-07:00

Summer End Internship Position Report
There are times in our lives that we stumble into circumstances that are so beyond what we deserve. I feel that way about my summer at Bethel. I can honestly say that I think I just had the best summer of my life and for the first time in my life I feel like I have done a job that actually matters, that I have been challenged on a number of levels, that I have been blessed by the work I have done and more importantly, that I have been blessed by the youth that I’ve worked with.

During the summer, with the regular youth program on hiatus, Bethel runs a more casual summer program called the PLOT on Tuesday nights along with a couple of day trips and a wrap up night at the lake. My summer of working at Bethel has been a whirlwind of activity as I was in charge of the PLOT and included: planning events and activities; advertising for upcoming activities; bringing in volunteers and trying to arrange drivers; hyping the events with the youth; helping out with the sports camps; helping out with the church’s kids camp; setting up, running and cleaning up after the events and activities; and spending quality one on one time with the girls in the youth group.

Despite my initial uncertainty about working in a new field, it didn’t take long to realize that working with the youth through the church was not only something I could adapt to, but something I could excel in.

Summer End Bulletin Footnote
Well, you’ve been reading my bulletin announcements all summer long and it is time for me to sum it up and tell you how the summer with the youth went in 8 words or less. What a blessing this summer has been! There is a part of me that honestly believes I can leave it at that and enough has been said, but I do realize that in order for you to understand I am going to have to be a bit more succinct than that. So I will do my best.
This summer, I have had the opportunity to build relationships with children and youth from both the community and the church. From planning and running the Plot, organizing a couple of day outs and an overnight at the lake, helping out with the Basketball and Soccer camps, and assisting with Kids Camp, it has been a very busy summer!

As I’ve learnt many things this summer, personally, professionally, and spiritually, I don’t even know where to begin filling you in on them. I’ve learnt how to lead a group of youth through a devotion, I’ve now written and given two mini-message, I’ve learnt the value of working with people who constantly lift you up and appreciate you, I’ve learnt to make to-do lists and the importance of following them, and most importantly I’ve learnt that when you give the youth the opportunity to step up to the plate, they often will.

It has been amazing to watch the youth from Bethel help out with the camps this summer and their participation and assistance was both crucial and valuable to the success of these summer camps that we run as outreach to the community. Add the community youth who attended basketball or soccer camp and have since been out to the Plot either Tuesday nights or for a Thursday day out and consider how accepting they have been of new kids to the Plot and I have been so impressed with them and blessed by their willingness to help and their openness to accepting new youth.

After a phenomenal summer, I can honestly sit back and feel like I have been a part of something worthwhile, because having the chance to connect to the youth and remind them of the Lord’s consistent love for them is one of the most worthwhile things I have ever done. God Bless. See you next summer! =)

Cloudy Crystal Ball

2011-12-15T18:42:00.001-07:00

I am not waiting tables.
I am not in some foreign country.
I am not in university.
I am not living in my parents basement anymore.

Can I leave it at that? Part of me wants to. Considering my last couple of posts that goes to show how bad I suck at planning out where I am going with things =) Or perhaps it demonstrates my inability to follow through. I obviously have a very ineffective crystal ball when it comes to looking into my own future.

A short time after writing my last blog (way back in June) I got wind that my morning church was going to be looking for someone to finish out the summer youth internship position. The church has had this position for quite a while now and it had never crossed my mind to apply for it but somehow when I heard this time, something in me just clicked. So I spoke to the youth director, officially applied, and within a few days began my new job. It was a complete Godsend to find that job. (It has been a while since that wrapped up so rather than re-hashing it perhaps I’ll share my summer end footnote and a clip of my report to give a brief idea for those who haven’t seen it.) It was an experience that stretched me and blessed me and it didn’t take me long to realize that I was tired of working in a negative atmosphere, that the restaurant was sucking the happiness out of me and making me bitter, and so I quit my serving job and focused on enjoying the summer with just the one job.

I had a wonderful and amazing visit from Consu, my former Chilean exchange student. She was here for 8 months when I was in Grade 12 and then I spent two months down there the following winter(Chilean summer). The visit included time to attend my grandparents anniversary celebration- every five years moms side of the family does a big week of camping and, as always, it was epic.

I turned 25. Big deal right? Cept for me it was a big deal. It was something that I really struggled with but as it loomed closer and closer I grew more ok with it. Turned out to be an amazing weekend. The day fell on the same day as our wrap up to soccer camp, so the kids in camp were super cute to me all day, we had a huge cake, and one of my youth made me a wicked card and brownies. Had dinner with a few of my closest friends then went two stepping. Oh, and got a picture of me kissing the Stanley Cup as it happened to be at Cook that night. So stoked! Next day I had a bbq and like 30 people came out and hung out for the afternoon/evening/night enjoying dinner together, a fire, card games, football, and dancing on the spectacular dance floor that my dad made for me. Yeah it was a great weekend.

Over the course of the summer I was accepted to U of C in Edmonton for my Bachelor of Social Work (2 more years to upgrade my current diploma to the degree) but decided to turn it down and go to Nicaragua for a 7 month mission trip. However, as summer slipped through my fingers and finally I received my application, I realized that it wasn’t what I was supposed to do. So I decided not to go and got a job driving Courier for a small company that a friend of mine works for as the Edmonton Manager. First it was mostly hot shots and the morning run to Red Deer (in Red Deer by 7am) but the last month and a half I’ve been doing the full time in city route and I LOVE IT. I drive. I listen to music. I don't have to deal with cranky customers. It's fantastic.

Well after deciding I wasn’t going back to school this fall or going on mission trip, my rent free agreement with the folks was over so I called up one of my bests and moved into her apartment two weeks later. It has been about two and a half months and it is going really well (far as I know, hope she agrees!). I love being on my own, I love having a roommate, and as much as I want to end up in the country someday, for now, I love being closer to the city and my life.

I am still volunteering with the youth at my church, love it, love them, and am actually going as the female leader for their spring break Mexico mission trip. We’ve 15 youth, 7 girls and 8 boys I believe, and three of us leaders going down for about a week. Whats neat about it is it’ll be pretty much exactly ten years since I went down to Mexico as the youth. Ah- the many memories of El Paso Texas and Juarez, Mexico.

From here on forward, well good question. Keep working. Maybe find a second job. Determine if I want to go back to school for my Bachelors. Maybe back for a different field. Find a job that is more career than job. Possibly travel some more (unlikely unless it is with a work visa). Be lucky enough to find the man for me. Who knows. I sure don’t. Last time I try to guess, I wasn’t even close. But it should be fun moving forward, got to love how life constantly changes!

Godwinks and A Date with God

2011-06-09T11:10:00.002-06:00

I don’t believe in coincidences.

I’ve always believed that everything happens for a reason and therefore coincidences are simply not possible. I don’t like believing that things happen without rhyme or reason. There has to be something more to it than that. I can’t simply accept that it occurs as a ‘fate of the universe’ or whatever you want to define coincidence by.

About a week and a half ago, I was at a friend’s housewarming party and having a late night chat with a good friend of mine. He commented that he felt like I was stressed and tense about things, that I was getting worried about too many things, and that he felt Ecuador would be good for me simply because I needed to get away for a while. (For those who don’t know, I applied to spend 6-8 months in Ecuador a few weeks ago, was waiting for a response for about 3 weeks and this conversation happened just before 2 weeks had past). He stated to me that he believed I really needed to take some time for myself, to step away from being so caught up in life. I went to bed with his words on my mind and thought about them alot the next day at work. In looking at my schedule I realized I had two days off in a row that week and decided I was going to take his words to heart sooner than intended- I began to make plans to go to Jasper for the night. Just one night. On my own. To drive up on Thursday, camp for the night, and then return on Friday in time to be at youth for 7pm.

I didn’t talk to too many people about it. Told a few people, most of whom seemed to think I was more than a little bit odd to want to drive all the way to Jasper to camp one night by myself. But I warmed to the idea very quickly. I love to drive. I love the mountains. I love when I have the time to sit and read without distractions, but I am so often distracted here. So to drive to Jasper, turn off my cell phone, camp for a night in the mountains, and to have time to spend alone, with God, without distractions... what could be a better way to spend two days off?

So? I went. I drove. I camped. I read. I reflected. I thought. I prayed. I worshipped. I relaxed.

And I loved it.

Psalm 2:12b reads ‘Blessed are all who take refuge in Him’ and essentially that is what I did. I took refuge in the silence. I came home feeling significantly more relaxed about life then I was when I left. Truth be told I hadn’t even really acknowledged that I was stressing about things. I freely admit I get distracted, that isn’t a secret, but the stress was creeping in slowly and I didn’t even realize it was there. But as I drove down the highway, stopping randomly to eat beside a river, as I sat at a campsite just outside Jasper, reading a book on Godwinks while sitting in the great outdoors, listening to the birds, bundled against the chill, and keeping my citronella candles close, as I drove down a back mountain road- so narrow it is one way based on the time you start to drive down it, as I sat beside the river near my campsite and simply read part of my Bible, I felt the stress begin to melt.

Hold on a moment. You’ve never heard of the term Godwinks? I hadn’t either before my night away, perhaps I'll call it my date with God, but the book that I read was on Godwinks- little happenings and coincidences that occur seemingly out of the blue or without reason. The author (whose name I can’t remember) wrote that “every Godwink is another reminder- another small, still message from God- that everything is going to be ok. Someday you will see everything from His perspective, and you’ll understand” and that essentially, “Godwinks are His way of sending us hugs, directly from Him”. Throughout the book he tells story after story of Godwinks- the little moments that happen (or sometimes don’t happen) right when you need them. He explained that Godwinks can occur in a variety of ways, personally, in hope, in comfort, in prayer and response to prayer, in unanswered prayers, in the moments that happen just in time, through family, and on our quests in life. Perhaps he explains them best in the conclusion where he state that “Godwinks are signposts from God, making his presence known in our everyday lives.”

What amazed me most as I was reading the book, is the logic of so much of what he was saying and the realization that my life, and likely yours, has been full of Godwinks, big and small, that have changed my life and are both small and large parts of I am where I am today. The phone call from a friend I haven’t talked to in forever just when I am feeling down, unexpected compliments, my hugs from God (explained in a previous post- Jan 2009- A God Thing), having the ability to find some peace after the death of my best friend (Aug 2009 post), an aunt and uncle unknowlingly showing up at my work when I desperately needed a pick me up, realizing in Haiti that I should be getting into Social Work not massage therapy, and there are so many more, as soon as I stop to think about them, Godwinks have been and are still, everywhere in my life.

What I didn’t realize, is that my friend telling me that he felt I needed time away was a Godwink. That my mini, one night trip to the mountains, was a Godwink. Returning home on Friday, I found myself so much more relaxed about everything. It was as if I finally allowed myself to return to living the 5 simple words that used to be such a key part of my life, I had finally remembered to “let go and let God”. Jeremiah 29:11 is one of my favourite bible verses, it was a huge strength for me after Mikes death- one of those Godwinks as a good friend of mine gave me a small little inspiration card that had this verse on it and it was something I needed so badly to remember. It reads “‘For I know the plans I have for you’, declares the Lord ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.’”

Turns out I needed to remember that. Because on Sunday Evening, I received an email from Ecuador telling me that while they appreciate my application, they feel that my lack of Spanish and my inexperience in social work practice in connection to the medical field means I am not a fit for what they are looking for at this time.

I thought I would be crushed if I received a no, I wanted to go so badly, but instead found myself almost instantly ok with it. Don’t get me wrong, I was disappointed, rejection is rejection, but I quickly accepted that if that was their decision, then it simply wasn’t supposed to be at this time, that for whatever reason, Ecuador is not where the Lord wants me right now. That maybe I wasn’t being called to go, maybe I was simply being tested to see if I would respond to the call to go. While this window of opportunity might be closing, somewhere out there, another door is opening- most likely in connection to my returning to school in the fall as I will be attending the University of Calgary’s satellite campus in Edmonton to turn my 2 year social work diploma from MacEwan into a Bachelor of Social Work Degree.

I received a crucial Godwink, at 4 in the morning, planting the seed of realization that I needed quiet time alone. I happened to have two days off in a row just days later- with no plans yet none-the-less. I took a trip and found a peace I didn’t realize I was missing, and suddenly dealing with one of the biggest “no’s” of my life is a breeze because I was able to reflect on my date with God and accept that it simply isn’t His plan for me at this time. It is just not meant to be, not part of His plan for me to actually go.

Think back on your day. Your week. Your month. Your life. Where have your Godwinks been? They are there, you just need to take the time to recognize them.I know that I am sure going to be paying better attention to the Godwinks in my life, and I hope to try give them the recognition they deserve!

Almost Diploma Time! Problem is, THEN WHAT!

2011-03-09T13:15:00.000-07:00

Guess what!?!?

In just a few short weeks (even shorter when I think of the number of assignments and the big final that are yet to come, but that’s besides the point), I will wrap up my second year as a social work student and prepare to receive my Diploma in Social Work at convocation in June. Yep. I am FINALLY going to get a piece of paper that says I have been to school. I started at Kings in fall 2005, went on and off, mostly part time, while I worked or travelled in the process and in between, entered Macewan’s Social Work Program in fall 2009, and in just a few weeks will finally be done and have a piece of paper with a stamp and a seal that I will proudly hang on… my bedroom wall?

Big question now is the one I have been asking since I was like 14. Then what? What do I want to do with my life? What do I want to be? 10 years later and I’m still asking the same old question. And truth is, I am still mostly without answers. I honestly thought that my two years in the program would give me a bit more direction and while I admit I have a few more ideas, I am no more certain that I was 2 years ago, heck I don’t even think I’m much more certain than I was 10 years ago when I started to stress about it!

So, at loss for what to do next, I applied for the University of Calgary’s satellite campus in Edmonton. The thing about this campus is that it is supposed to be fairly competitive to get in. They take about 50 students, 25 university graduates and 25 diploma transfer students. So of anyone who has received a social work diploma in the last 5 years, full time or part time, 25 get in. Now I realize that they aren’t all applying, but still a scary thought. What’s the big deal you ask? Why would you need a degree anyways? Well the most obvious answer is money, as with anything else, the more educated you are, the more money you make. Next is that with a number of agencies, they simply don’t hire diploma graduates- unless you have a long history of field related experience. Other agencies, such as Children Services, just prefer the degree. To apply there you either need a degree or a diploma and a minimum of 3 years of field experience. And finally, Alberta is the only province that allows people in possession of a diploma to be recognized as Registered Social Workers- and your best bet is to be registered as a social worker. Other provinces, in the States, and even internationally (I believe), while they might recognize you have some education in the field, you can’t register which makes it hard to practice within a lot of the positions.

What’s the big deal about that then? Well, I don’t know that I’m going to be in Alberta the rest of my life. At this point, I am 24 and single and have no idea where life is going to take me. I’ve looked at doing international work, at international missions. When I do find the man that God has in store for me, I don’t know where our life will take us, whether within Canada or elsewhere in the world even. So the degree just seems like a logical step.

Then what is the problem? Well, at first I was just worried that I wouldn’t get accepted. My application was dropped off at the Edmonton office on the final day of early admissions. Realistically do I have a shot, sure of course I do. But my biggest concern is that when it comes down to practical experience, I don’t have much of it. A number of my classmates have been working in Shelters, group homes, or other agencies for sometime now. People took jobs at their placements from last year, or kept with them as volunteers. I have been waiting tables for 6 ½ years. So yeah, I am worried that I wont get in. So I started to think that maybe I need a back up plan. Well, somewhere along the way, my thoughts about the backup plan have begun to overcome my thoughts to go to school. Long story short, at this point, I am actually quite certain that I don’t want to go back to school in the fall. First thing to point out is that I am very aware that I tend to teeter totter on these issues, so this could change, but after a lot of thought and a number of discussions, I honestly think taking a year off is best for me. So what am I going to do with that year?

Well, I am currently researching a number of longer term mission opportunities. As in 6-12 months long. I am getting more and more excited about the prospect of going, although I am fast running out of time in deciding where I want to go. It just seems to make sense for me to go now. I live at home, so don’t need to worry about rent or bills or a house sitter. I’m single so it is easy to up and go (not that I wont miss family and friends of course). Any sort of overseas work will look fantastic on a resume so if I don’t get into U of C this year, I’d be a shoo in for next year and if I do get accepted, and they allow me to differ the acceptance, then it’ll just look great on a resume when I start looking for work in the field, either locally, nationally, or even internationally. There are so many little things that just make it seem to be the right thing to do, but there is one problem. I have no idea where I want to go or what I want to do. There are a number of different agencies I spoke with at Mission Fest that I am researching, but at this point nothing has leapt off the page at me. So as I wrap this post up, have to get back to my placement, I ask a favour of those who are reading this and have a few moments to spare. Would you pray for me? Pray that I might find the right mission for me? Pray that I might be led to the right agency, that the application goes well, and that my hopeful September departure date could become a reality? Pray that once I find an agency and get accepted, that fundraising goes smoothly? Pray that wherever I go I might be a blessing and find a place that has a need for all it is that I have to offer? And most of all Pray that I might have the confidence in knowing this is something that God wants me to do, not just something I’ve decided to do? It isn’t like it was with going to Haiti, then I was thinking maybe, found the agency and just knew. This time I strongly feel I need to go somewhere, I just have no idea where, or for what, or even really for how long.

Thanks for following along. Thanks for the few moments of prayer if you were able to do so. I promise I’ll keep you posted if there are changes. I hope that means I can fill you in soon!

Prayer, Disconnection, and Breakforth 2011

2011-01-31T00:30:00.002-07:00

Disclaimer: It speaks on spirituality. I’m not looking to debate or offend or preach or anything. I’m simply looking to give testament to where I am at and some of the process that got me here. My beliefs are part of who I am, all I ask is you accept it as that.

Breakforth Canada was this last weekend. Already there some of you might be scratching your head wondering what Breakforth is. With several thousand people in attendance and it is pretty much like having 4 massive church services in a weekend, alongside of 5 breakout sessions with renowned speakers and authors on a vast number of topics. While it is somewhat designed to be a weekend of spiritual growth and renewal for members of the Christian community, it is (as far as I know) non denominational and not only for believers. It is open to all and like I said, covers a vast number of topics. It was my third time attending and I still absolutely love it. Already when people ask me how my weekend went, I struggle in knowing what to say because I honestly find myself unable to appropriately sum it up in a few words and explain it sufficiently. The simplest way is to say that I think I now have peace where I didn’t know there was turmoil. That I think I have found prayer again and with that I so hope I have found my relationship with Jesus again as I truly believe that prayer is one of the keys to a relationship with my Lord.
I suppose to fully explain what this weekend was for me I do have to go back a little ways- and I should warn you that it might not really make sense to you how it all fits together but this is how it worked for me.

I’ve been struggling with my faith. I know it happens, that we’ve ups and downs in our walk with Christ, and it so happens that my current down has been a long one. Ever since Mike died I’ve had a lot of anger in me at God (which I felt guilty about at first, until I was reminded that anger is ok because it is an honest emotion and God wants us to have honest emotions in our relationship with him. Look at the Psalms! David is angry in them, but that doesn’t lessen the Lord’s love for him) and have had serious trouble connecting to Him. I still believed, that He loved me, that He died for me and rose for me, that my sins are washed away because of His love for me. That I have never questioned. But there was anger and a loss of intimacy that is such a valuable part of being a Christian.

In my social work program, one of the big things they talk about is how important it is for us to be ok with our own issues before we begin to deal with other peoples issues. If my parents were divorced when I was 8 and I’m not over that yet, how can I help someone deal with their own divorce or their parents divorce? Well because of this, most social work students have almost a hyper self awareness, we sit very in tune with our emotions. I heard something in one of my classes that was a kick in the butt for me and after struggling for a few days I called our youth pastor and set up a time to go in and chat with him.

Two days before our meeting I decided to attend a young adults service at a church in the south side that I’ve been going on and off to since the 11th grade (which is like 8 years ago!!!). I had been avoiding it as Mike and I used to go together. That service he spoke of atrophy and the importance of doing things even after we sometimes feel like we don’t want to be doing it any longer. Two days later I sat in front of my youth pastor and told him that I had fully intended to quit doing youth following the upcoming retreat but realized at that service that I needed to see out the year at least. He asked why and I explained to him my lack of a relationship with God and my lack of prayer life. I admitted that over the last 6 months I could probably count on one hand the number of times I’d prayed, and one of those was because on the last retreat we had to pray with the kids from our car. I told him that I didn’t think I was a good example because how can I set an example when I can’t even boast of a strong relationship with Christ. I then opened up and explained that it was more than just my faith, that I didn’t think I could boast of a strong relationship anywhere, that I felt distant from everything and didn’t know what to do. As I talked, he listened and then did what I was unable to do. He labelled it. He summed up my feelings into one word. Disconnected. It was the perfect word. Disconnected from God. Disconnected from my friends. Disconnected from my family. I simply had pulled in and stopped allowing myself to make connections to others.

As soon as the word was on it, it was like I had already turned around. I liken it to the first step in an addiction, admitting the addiction. I put a word on it and realized what I’d been doing. Good friends I had before Mike’s death had been shut out. I would make new friends, hang out and get to know them, but as soon as they really started to matter, I would simply stop contacting them so that they wouldn’t get past that wall I was beginning to build. I realized that I had made some major mistakes in my friendships and to be honest am still not sure I can repair them all. I realized I needed to change how I approached my family life. And most importantly, I had to get reconnected to God. He then told me that the coming weekend I would have to pray with my cabin, just in case I wanted the heads up- and I so appreciated it. He explained that sometimes the most important thing we can do when we are struggling with our faith is to be honest about it to others. I left our meeting with much to think about.

I did pray that weekend. But what is even more amazing is I felt somewhat comfortable doing it. I’ve never been great at prayer, especially aloud, then lost it almost completely within a short time after the burial. Yet somehow, at the retreat, I was comfortable praying with my cabin. I attributed it to having 5 days to think about it, but it stuck. Since then (early Nov ’10?), things have gotten a bit better, I honestly would almost call that a turning point for me. I’ve been happier. I’ve begun singing again. I’m attending the church on the southside more regularly. And while I can’t claim I’m praying daily or reading my bible consistently, I have prayed and for me that is a mountain climbed.

Then this weekend happened. I don’t know if I can explain it very well but I’ll try. It started with a fantastic speaker and some great worship on Fri night, but it was a struggle for me because of memories and I felt claustrophobic in the midst of a section. So Sat morning I joined some other friends sitting in an area no so central. Morning session was great again, speaker and worship. Then it was off to break outs. Now the breakout sessions are picked when we register in like October, so I can’t remember at all what I’m headed into anymore. Turns out my first two are same guy. Interesting. At the first session he spoke of the importance of making the time to meet with Jesus. He explained that prayer is a conversation, not a lecture (a phrase I’ve heard before but no less powerful to be reminded of it). Then he explained a method of meeting Jesus at our own personal place of prayer so that we can sit with him and talk. I was highly intrigued (I took some serious notes on the prayer steps, ask me about it if you want!). Second session, after lunch, he tells us that he is going to break down the two things that cause us pain. The first is the lies that we believe. After speaking about it for a bit he invites us to pray with him, and to go to our meeting place and ask Jesus what lie we’ve been believing about ourselves. He tells us to take this lie, to take it to the cross, to lay it at the foot of the cross and ask Jesus to help us be rid of it at its roots, the roots going to whatever event planted the lie in the first place. As he wraps up the prayer, looks up, sees a woman in tears and straight out begins to talk to her. He asks her if she is ok, if she found her lie and if she was able to bring it to the cross. She says no and starts to cry harder. He then walks her through the steps again, him on stage, her in her seat in the middle of the room, and asks her if she has put it at the foot of the cross. Yes, she has she says. Can she see the banner of what God has to say to you? No she answers, she can’t see anything. Moments later, another attendee raises their hand and states that they can see this woman’s banner (meaning a message from God) and asks if they can say it. Well over the next number of minutes, more than 30 people piped up and told this woman what God had written on her banner, all of them falling into a few specific themes so there was no doubt that they were being used as messengers to get it across to her. Finally the speaker looks at his watch and states, well, I was supposed to talk about the other cause of pain, but God has hijacked this session again so I guess we’ll leave it there. It was a powerful prayer moment.

I went to half of my next session, met up with the other youth leaders for dinner then a girlfriend and I joined my other friends (a couple of guys I met at my first Breakforth actually) again for the after dinner session and concert. After the session (which I loved the worship but didn’t like the speaker at all. Scare tactics are not ok in my book), I turned to my girlfriend and said to her, I really feel like you should be prayed for, can we go down to the prayer room. I’ve known her for years and have never said something like that to her before. She looks at me and says, I don’t really like being prayed over, but as long as you come with me ok. So we went downstairs, sat down with a prayer volunteer and she was prayed for. However as we left the room I really felt it wasn’t enough yet so I bit the bullet and said to her “I don’t know if that was what you were looking for, and I’m not comfortable really doing it and I know you aren’t comfortable getting it done, but can I pray for you as well? I really feel like there is more that needs to be said”. Somehow she agreed and we sat down, and after a bit of awkwardness on my part, I did just that. By the end of it, I had a certain peace that had been growing in me all day. It just felt good. So we went upstairs, enjoyed the concert (so good- Paul Baloche, Brian Doerksen, and a couple others that were great too!) and called it a night.

Then today (almost done I promise) I go to my first session of the day and am uncomfortable as soon as I walk into the room. The session hasn’t started yet, but there are about half a dozen people around the room standing there praying. I nearly turned around but made myself sit, there had to be a reason I picked it so I had to give it at least 5-10 mins. Well when it starts he explains that the session is about taking some time with Jesus and if we need to write while we do it, or draw then we should. Well imagine my intrigue at the thought of writing my prayer. Not so comfortable with prayer. Really comfortable with writing (as you can see), well lets try it... I can honestly say that by the end of that hour, I felt more peace than I have felt in a year and a half, likely longer. I felt like I had sat and bared myself to my Lord and it was an amazing feeling. I left the session feeling like the weight that had started to shift in November and start to shake yesterday, it had finally fallen. I felt like I had found prayer. Like I had found my relationship with God again. And with that, like I had begun to rediscover a contentment I had forgotten. Like I had taken a step towards being comfortable with who I am again. Like I had just taken a major leap towards becoming the person that I want to be. The last breakout was pretty good, and the final main session a reminder that the rough times in our lives build us up to be better people, led into by some amazing worship again.

So how was my weekend? Well, like I said above, I found peace where I didn’t realize there was turmoil. I found prayer when I had nearly given up on it. I found contentment I had forgotten existed. I found friendships that I’ve taken for granted, and realized others that, to be honest, I’ve likely wasted time on trying. I found Laura and have begun to bring her back. I dare say, my weekend, was great. It was a gift.

Puzzle of My Life

2010-07-28T00:44:00.002-06:00

*Disclaimer- honest thoughts below. A little bit long. A little bit random. Totally from the heart.

It blows my mind how life happens sometimes. I know it’s been along while, and to be honest I am hesitant about writing even now, it’s been hard to find the words to express what I have been feeling since Mike died. But sitting by the ocean today I felt the need to write and when we got back to the house I still felt the urge and so I will share my thoughts from today, and add some to it before and after. It is random- I know it, but those who know me well know that I usually am random so that isn’t unusual. It asks a lot of questions, but again, not unusual for me. It shares my thoughts and feelings and I think over the last year that has been the hardest concept for me in regards to posting on here again- do people really want to hear my thoughts and feelings? Do they care? Do they judge me for them? Is it trivial to even bother. Then I thought to myself today, if they don’t want to know them, they wont read them (if that means you, please just save us both the hassle and stop now). If they will judge me for them, hopefully they care enough to not tell me, to keep it to themselves. And anything beyond that, I am just sharing my thoughts, often through a stream of consciousness, it isn’t politically, academically, philosophically, or spiritually correct at all times, it is just coming from my heart and being put onto paper. So here goes.

I don’t think that people really understand grief. I don’t think anyone can possibly understand the pain, suffering, and loss that another goes through after a death of a loved one- family, friend, acquaintance, or even pet. It is impossible, I think, for anyone else to completely understand the importance your relationship with that person or creature had on you. It could be someone you barely knew, and still the loss could affect you in ways never imagined. Or it could be someone more dear to you than anyone else, and as a result, completely rock your world. But in the end, the grief is personal. It lessens if you share it- with those who are grieving for the same person, with those who might not of known the person but who know you and want to help you through your loss, and with random people through random stories or memories. These opportunities to share your grief are so valuable and can work wonders. But at the same time, it is hard to share your grief because it is so personal and it is so hard to explain. Nobody on the ‘outside’ seems to understand it, and you can’t explain it. Why does it hurt so bad? I don’t know. Why does it last so long? I don’t know. Why are you still having problems with it so long after it happened? I don’t know. When are you gonna get back to ‘normal’? I don’t know. There are so many “whys” and “whens” that come from those around you, people who don’t understand and either want to help or simply think that the ‘grieving period’ should be over- but the problem is there aren’t answers. I don’t blame them for not understanding, I don’t get it myself, it is just frustrating. It takes time. I heard at a conference that the worst of the grief doesn’t even begin to set in until a significant time period has passed. It is normal to need time.

Now to be fair, with that time does come healing. I know I am getting better. The music is starting to come back- as in I like listening to it again. I like singing along sometimes again (not as often as before, but getting better). I’ve even done karaoke a few times lately. The music is starting to play in my head again, which might sound ridiculous but it is something that I have dearly missed. I am starting to find myself happier and more relaxed again. It is becoming easier to see the joy in life, to appreciate the little things and the big things, and to acknowledge those moments that require we notice them. That isn’t to say I don’t have my bad moments. There are still moments that trigger me like nothing I could have imagined. I’ve experienced some minor panic attacks for the first time in my life. I am avoiding certain places, although they are getting less and less and I figure it’s better to face them than to keep running away from them. The worst of my bad moments is that I am struggling spiritually. I still believe, I know He is there and all of that, and really I don’t know how to explain my struggles but to say that my relationship with God is definitely not at its best, but even as I say that I know that it is sitting there, waiting for me to weed out the crap and let it bloom.

But I don’t think I can handle much more of the deep stuff right now, so taking a break and let me share what got me writing this afternoon.

I’m on a road trip, two weeks long, with my cousin from Holland (well, 2nd cousin once removed if you want to get technical) and we are staying with a good friend of mine in Mission for a couple of days. Early this morning the three of us headed out to Vancouver Island for the day. Somehow, I am sitting here on Vancouver Island with two men that I hardly ever see and yet I feel so relaxed, so at easy that it actually blows my mind. To be fair, both are ridiculously easy going and they get along famously which is awesome and definitely simplifies the whole day, but regardless, I can’t believe how life can work sometimes.

In two days it will be the 1 year anniversary of Mike’s death. A date that I have been dreading- for what I think of obvious reasons. Yet somehow, rather than keeping my nose to the grindstone and drawing into myself, hiding from the world as I deal with my personal issues, I find myself taking a lazy day, relaxing on Vancouver Island while two men who are dear to me hunt for crabs among the rocks as the tide begins to rise. Instead of hiding in my room, avoiding people, and trying to figure out what I will do to forget the day, I am enjoying the day that I am on, living my life and laying on a piece of driftwood, sunning myself among the rocks, listening to the waves, smelling the salt, watching Kurt and Rene hunt crabs, and feeling the heat of the sun, barely into a two week road trip that will take me over 5000 Miles before it is done- something I have dreamed of doing but never figured to become a reality- especially so soon!

What gets me the most, ignoring the obvious ‘hey, I’m road tripping with a cousin I’ve spent maybe the equivalence of two ½ weeks with and visiting a guy I met at a wedding when I was 16’ is that I am the first to admit I haven’t been very strong in my walk with God (as I touched upon above) and yet somehow He still cares enough to have me out and distracted on the days leading up to, and following (and hopefully on), the anniversary. How Great Is Our God that He cares so much that He doesn’t just create the pieces of the puzzles of our life, but He patiently guides us through them, fully aware that even when a puzzle is completed we might not see the whole picture and actually might still be unaware of the wonder and magnificence of what He has so lovingly shaped. I haven’t been praying much. I haven’t been singing. I haven’t been listening. I haven’t been worshipping. I haven’t been a trusting daughter of the King but that doesn’t matter to Him. Somehow, He still knows exactly what I needed, no. not past tense. He still knows exactly what I need, and provides the opportunities for it to be so. He still loves me so much that He just keeps waiting, watching me and smiling as I fit together the pieces that He has laid out for me.

He brought me here, I know it without a shadow of a doubt, here to the island, here to relaxation, here to moments of peace, here to contentment, with two men whom matter to me so much, each in their own way, and He gives me precisely what I need. I don’t know what to say to Him but thank you. For the puzzle that is my life. For the pieces He has made for me. For the guidance to put them as they belong. Thank you, for the love and care and watchful eye. Thank you for the friends that matter so much and who care for me and remind me that it is ok to keep trusting people to be there for me. Thank you, for the men in my life, the ones that really matter, past and present. Thank you. For taking my heart and holding it tight, guarding it as I struggle through the rough patches.

RIP Mike

2009-08-07T17:30:00.009-06:00

I’m not really sure how I am supposed to act. What I am supposed to say. What I should be doing. My world has been tilted on its axis and to be honest, if I didn’t have the Lord next to me holding my hand, I am pretty sure I’d have fallen off by now.

Hold up. What? I guess I might explain myself better than that. I’ll try, but although it’s getting better, my thoughts are kind of a mess.

Mike died. You know Mike, he has been a part of my life for ages, first as the older brother to a friend, the friend of my sister, the son of my parents friends, then as my friend, as my boy friend, and finally as a best friend. He died on July 29th while on vacation in BC with his entire immediate family. They were cliff jumping and on his second jump, he didn’t resurface. The next morning the RCMP dive team headed out and within three hours had found his body- he had been underwater for 22 hours.

I miss him. Before anything else I hope that much is clear and obvious. Truthfully I missed him before, as we have had some distance between us for the last few months, I had been hoping recently that perhaps we might get past that and be ok again, back to hanging out as much as we have in the past, but I guess it’s too late now.

I’ve been struggling with his death, as anyone does, but even more so because it is Mike. He is, unquestionably, the closest thing I’ve ever had outside of my immediate family, knows me best, and closest to my heart. I have never known anyone else so full of life, so determined to have a good time, someone so willing to give up his own interests and spare time in order to help those around him and to spend time with the youth. He has grown so much in his faith the last few years and it has been a pleasure to watch. But somehow, despite all this, despite the huge impact he was having on the youth and the world that was opening up for him as he left his career to learn more about the Lord he loved and in his own words, ‘being ready to go’ wherever the Lord might call him, despite this, he was called Home.

I find peace in many little things surrounding his death. A week and a half before he died, his younger sister got married. Personally, despite the distance that was between us, I had a ridiculously strong urge to go, I felt I had to be there, that I had to show him my support and that even though we weren’t spending time together, he still mattered to me, I can only hope he understood and realized how much I still care. So I arranged to be off work early, and headed out to the wedding (which was beautiful). Afterwards I had another strong urge, I had to talk to him. So I did. At the time it seemed odd, but now I understand why. As we caught up, I learnt he had sold his house in St. Albert, was taking the insurance off his crotch rocket, was working his way through his Bible, was really excited for the upcoming mission trip to Slovakia, and thrilled about entering the program at Mount Caramel Bible College. He told me in no uncertain terms that he had pretty much cut off his ties here, that there was no longer anything holding him back and he was ready to go. When I asked where in particular, he kinda looked at me funny and told me “Wherever God wants me to be”. It was a powerful statement and one I never would have guessed would be put into practice so soon. After our talk and a quick jaunt through the receiving line, I slipped away without a good bye and left him to family and friends and the celebration surrounding Kari and Jordans’ union. He was happy, strong in his faith, and truly getting into what he felt God wanted him to do, it’s all I needed to know at that time.

I realize now a lot of things surrounding that short conversation. My strong, inexplicable urge to go to the wedding, wasn’t of my own decision. I believe completely that God wanted me to go, to speak to Mike, to catch up on life and see how content he was, how on fire he had become for the Lord, how happy he was with his life, and how much he was anticipating whatever his Savior might throw at him. I’ve thought long and hard in the last couple weeks and cannot remember the last time we had talked outside of that talk, possibly going all the way back to his birthday on April 8, when we stood outside church, looking at my brand new car, and catching up. The Lord wanted me to have a good and recent conversation to remember His servant, to remember my best friend. And it worked. I had known before that Mike had grown in his faith, had watched it happen really, but hearing him say he was reading his Bible (especially as he was not a reader) and that he was ready to go out into God’s Kingdom and spread the news, was such a blessing that I couldn’t be more grateful for those ten minutes or so I got to speak to him.

I believe that there are other little blessings surrounding his death:

I know without a doubt that he was having a heck of a time. Anyone who knew Mike knows he loved adventure and fun, and what could be better than jumping from 70 feet into the water surrounded by the family that he cared so much about.

I find peace and reassurance in the fact that he was knocked unconscious upon impact with the water and that the chances of him being aware of the fact his time on earth was finished were very slim. For me, there is great peace in knowing that while he might of been thinking, this is gonna hurt, it’s doubtful he would have assumed more than that.

The discovery of his body, as terrible as that may seem. I guess last year at least three people died there, jumping from those cliffs, and their bodies were not found. The fact that his was found so quickly following the arrival of the dive team, on a ledge some 72 feet underwater, is proof of God’s mercy, His comfort for those left behind to mourn.

There is a couple verses that someone mentioned to Shelly, and I am so grateful for it, because it seems to be a direct answer for why God would take someone like Mike.

Isaiah 57
1 The righteous perish,

and no one ponders it in his heart;

devout men are taken away,

and no one understands

that the righteous are taken away

to be spared from evil.

2 Those who walk uprightly

enter into peace;

they find rest as they lie in death.

And finally, although I’m not sure blessing is the right word for it, someone made an interesting point to me a few days ago. He was competitive- once again not a secret. he loved to win, to be first. Somehow, although I wish it weren’t true, I wish it wasn’t the case, and I wish he was still with us so I could speak to him again, so I could tell him how I feel, how much he means to me- Mike definitely loved to be first, the first to finish something, the first to try something, so I suppose he should be the first to get to Heaven, the first to meet our Maker face to face, the first to sing praises with the Heavenly Host. He is gonna be standing at St. Peters gate, waiting to show us around when we get there, and I doubt there will be a better guide, because he will have tried everything to the max!

I could go on and on, but I have to get ready for work, proof that somehow, life must go on. Truthfully, I just keep waiting to wake up, I keep hoping that I am going to roll over, hit the alarm, and find out that the last two and a half weeks were a terrible dream, denial is a great coping mechanism I don’t care what people tell you otherwise. I am angry with God, there is no question about it, but my sister-in-law tells me that it is ok to be angry with Him (don’t believe it? Read the Psalms!), it is a relationship after all, we don’t always have to be happy with what happens. Even through my anger, I know He has a purpose for it, one that I will likely never understand.

I will miss you Mike, may you rest in peace, may you explore every inch of Heaven, and I will see you when I get there, can’t wait to see you when I get there. God Bless

http://www.legacy.com/can-edmonton/Obituaries.asp?Page=Lifestory&PersonId=130925505

Who me? Excuse me??

2009-03-21T15:52:00.003-06:00

I suppose before I jump into the little story I've been meaning to share, I should fill in a few blank spots.

I got a new job. Yep. I am now serving at a local Swiss Chalet, and I actually really like it. I have been there for about a month and a half and it is unquestionable I am still the new girl, the rookie on the floor, but I really do like it. It is surprisingly good money, the food is priced well, and I feel like the customers are politer- not in the fact that it isn't truck drivers anymore, but the local customers- we got those at the Flying J too, but somehow they seem friendlier and more patient here. I quite like it. Hope it continues to go as well as it has, I can only improve and lets be honest, a server who feels more comfortable is a better server and a better server makes more money, so I look forward to learning!

I got accepted into Macewan's Social Work program!!!!! For most of you, you know that, but I really feel like I should share that anyways. Its conditional, but the conditions are simply based on my Crimanal record check and my security something check. Both of which have a 6 month expiry so ppl from within the program actually told me to wait before sending those in, do it within 6 months and I can use the same checks for my field placement. I am so ridiculously stoked about it that I can't even begin to explain it! It is a career thing and it makes me feel like an adult more so than ever before, but its ok, I'm psyched, it is going to be awesome!

I bought a car. The car I have been driving for the last 3 1/2 years developed a little knock in the engine that turned into not such a little thing. Replacing it with just a used engine would have cost almost 2000 and that just doesn't make sense- esp since there are no promises on a used engine, so I went out and bought a brand spanking new 2009 Chevy Cobalt LT. It is currently on the train headed here, and I can not wait to get it! I am financing it, but definitely plan on paying it off sooner than the conctract says.

And finally, a couple weeks ago, my Uncle 'upgraded' as the pastor at the funeral said. He has moved on to a better place. It is sad and hard to say goodbye, but at least I know he isn't in pain. My prayers continue to be with his family as their loss is a great one.

On to my adventure?

So last Saturday, after I get back from the airport, I get dropped off at home (borrowed moms car for a while, and Shellys for a bit, not sure what I am going to do the next couple weeks just yet...) and get ready for work. I was closing the restaurant, but hey, we close at 10 so no big deal right? The last table sat forever, and it was my first close, so around 11 I finally get out of there and am headed to Leigha's to watch a movie and spend the night. On the drive, I figure, hey, pick up a bottle of wine to share/drink, and do so. Didn't even cross my mind that Leigha isn't a big wine fan and she might not have a cork screw...

So I get to her house and we start riffling through the drawers, and, naturally, the corkscrew she thought she had, belonged to a previous roommate. Now what? So we text a friend who manages a bar, asking him, how do you open wine without a cork screw? He gives a suggestion, and it didnt work. So we hack at it for a while and nothing. Finally we give up and determine if we leave quickly, we might make it to a liquor store by midnight to buy one. So we jump into the car and head to the nearest store. It closed at 11. But there is one across the street, so we go there. It cloeses at 12, but we pulled up at about 12:02. Yep, that close. But there has to be one that is open late? I mean, we are in Castledowns area, surely there is an open liquor store at midnight on a Saturday night. On the way to the next one, we stop at a Shoppers. Nope, closed at midnight, and even though it is now just 12:05 and someone is in line to pay for their items, we can't get in. Well after another 1/2 dozen tries, we stumble upon an open grocery store. To get in, I have to knock on the door, the cashier unlocks the door, lets me in, and then shuts it behind me, relocking it. Sure makes you feel safe in that part of town huh? But, nope, the mom and pop grocery store does not have any corkscrews. Pop into a 7-11, ask the cashier, she tells me no, so we move on. Finally, after probably close to a dozen stops/drives by various liquor stores and the like, we are headed back towards her place. On the way we pass a Macs and figure, what the heck right?

This is where it gets more interesting.

I'm wearing my charcol black dress jacket and a black scarf- a fashion scarf, not a cover your face to keep warm scarf. So I walk into the Macs and there is this guy, Middle Eastern I think, behind the counter on his Cell. He hangs up right away, and looks at me funny. This is how the exchange went: (L-Laura, E-Employee)
L- "Do you sell Corkscrews?" Said as I am laughing about something Leigha said as I walk into the store and up to the counter.
E- "I don't have access to the safe. I can't help you" He is looking at me like I am nuts.
L- "Excuse me? No, I want a cork screw, you know, used to open wine?" Thinking to myself, access to the safe, what the heck?
E- "My manager isn't here, I can't get into the safe" He is looking at me sorta wide eyed and almost looking slightly alarmed at this point. I am seriously thinking to myself, this guy is crazy! I park right in front, get out laughing, walk in when another customer had been there, and ask for a corkscrew and he seriously seems to think I am going to Rob him.
L- "No, look. (said ridiculously slowly) I want a cork screw. You know, a cork screw, to open a bottle of wine? You turn it into the cork and then pull it out?"
E- "No." To which I roll my eyes, determine I should look myself, walk up to a shelf, pull off a 3$ corkscrew, and walk back up to the counter, putting it down, perhaps a little forcefully,
L- "Just the corkscrew thanks, that'll be all" Possibly said with some sarcasm. So I pay for it and walk out.

Needless to say, it was an amusing way to spend 40 minutes, most work I've ever done for a bottle of wine, but it was fun and turned into a great story.

Oh ya. My second favorite part? The Macs store we ended up buying the cork screw from?

It shared a parking lot with the first liquor store...

Prayer Question

2009-02-10T22:26:00.003-07:00

Those of you on my facebook already know this, but my uncle is sick. He was diagnosed with inoperable pancreatic cancer and it has already spread to his liver so medically speaking there is not much that can be done other than make him comfortable. It the other healing power that has me a little confused.

The natural instinct upon hearing this is to pray for healing. For the miracle that only God can perform, for the instant and medically inexplicable healing that Bible readers and other faithful know He is capable of.

The other option is to pray for peace. For calmness. For understanding. For acceptance. For strength. And all of those are to deal with the worst. With the impending passing.

Ok. So I know technically that you can pray for both, there is nothing wrong with it, but I am confused as to what is 'right'. I mean, I've always thought that we are supposed to accept God's will, that we are called to willingly accept His plan for us. But at the same time, there is alot out there about the power of prayer and how He will sometimes leave His intended course for another path, perhaps in the sense of healing someone.

So what is 'proper' to pray for? Healing or peace? I feel like I am contradicting myself asking both, but will continue to do so. Just feels like a conundrum.

My prayers and thoughts and love are with my uncle and his family. If you have a few to spare, I'd appreciate if you'd send some in his honor as well. Thanks.

A God Thing

2009-02-06T15:32:00.003-07:00

So I realize that the title alone might be a struggle for some people. But sometimes, it really is that simple, that there are moments, events, days, that are God moments, more so than usual of course.. But anyways.

Breakforth 2009 was a God thing. Literally, by the end of the weekend, I feel as if I had seen Him everywhere and had spoken with Him on multiple occasions. Huh? Let me explain.
Breakforth is a large annual conference held in Edmonton. It focus's on many areas both within and outside of the church, worship, leadership, working with kids, poverty, and on and on. This year, more than 7000 ppl attended and were fortunate to have not only great breakout sessions, but some amazing speakers in the main sessions as well. Not to mention some unbelievable worship! (Michael W Smith, Brian Doerksen, Paul Baloche, Rita Baloche, Mercy Me, Brenton Brown, just to name a few). If you are curious, check out their website http://www.new-creation.net/ .

Anyways, so one of the speakers early in the conference really hit home with me. He was talking about how prayer shouldn't be a speech at God. It shouldn't be all about us talking to Him and Him simply listening and then filling our requests. No, it should be so much more. He explained that it should be a conversation. Huh? A conversation? With God? Ya, I thought it was pretty out there too, but wow have I learnt better!

This speaker (sorry, I can't recal what one it was, perhaps John Eldridge?) explained how the best way to converse with God is to completely empty your mind, don't think about the phone call you made to your sister last night, or that bill you have to mail tomorrow, just empty your mind and focus on God. Then comes the hard part, listen. Sure you can still pray, say your piece, get it all out there, but when you are done, sit and wait to see if He has anything to say back. Or ask Him a question, something simple, like 'what do you want to say to me'. That was His example, and it seems that alot of the time, he simply hears God responding with 'I Love You'. The speaker went on to say that part of being a Christian is having heard God's voice, so naturally the rest of the weekend would be filled with moments of listening.

I will freely admit, at first, I thought he was nuts. I mean, you can't hear God. But why not? He has done alot of pretty amazing things, talking to someone is cakewalk. But I gave it a try, needlessly it seemed.

Then something changed. And this is hard for me to share on here, but I really feel like I need to get it all out there. On Saturday night, I was at the Brenton Brown concert with a couple friends. We managed to find a sweet spot to stand, in an open area so we could dance or move or whatever while worshipping. Well at one point, during a song, I was standing there, praying away, when I had this urge to kneel. Let me tell you, I have never in my life kneeled while praying before, not even as a kid, so I couldn't figure out where the urge had come from so I ignored it. But it didn't go away. By the end of the song my need to kneel was so huge that I had no choice, I knelt. It wasn't until I was on my knees that I realized, God had just spoken to me, quite clearly. It was pretty neat. But there is more.

So I'm kneeling there, in the middle of the concert, singing and praying and just having an amazing worship experience, when I figure, well, since He started it, lets see if He will speak to me again. So I prayed just what the speaker suggested, I asked God what He had to tell me. It was pretty quick that the answer popped into my mind, 'I love you' but I wasn't convinced it was His voice, and not just myself hoping thats what He had to say. So I did something that I am not sure you are supposed to do, I tested God. I told Him, 'Ok God, if that was you, I want to see some proof. I want a hug, then I will know it was you and not just me wishfully thinking of what I wanted to hear'.

Perhaps that seems like an odd thing to ask for, but there is a little behind the scenes story to that. There is this Sunday evening youth service that I love to go to. Its at a Pentecostal church, and although I don't think it has a denomination, it has really taught me alot about worshipping to God and how He is the focus, ignore what is going on around you. There was a time last fall that while worshipping at this church, I was praying and I felt a breeze. My first thought was unexplicable- it felt like God was telling me He was with me, but I instantly dismissed that, opened my eyes and looked at the doors behind me. They were closed. Not closing, but closed. They hadn't been opened. Weird. So I went back to praying and pretty quickly after that, I felt like I was being hugged, but there wasn't a person hugging me, and I realized that I had got a hug from God.

So now here I am, at Breakforth, months later, and looking for confirmation, I test God by asking for a hug. While I felt something around me, it was nothing like the last time, but I accepted it and went back to worship. Well a short while later, one of my friends gets a phone call and goes running out, with no explaination. After being gone for a bit, he comes back, along with one of my good friends who has moved to Calgary. I didn't know he was in town, but he had just heard that I was there, so he comes running in and hugs me. Yep. A good friend of mine, someone I had no idea was around, within like 15 mins of my asking God for a hug, comes running in an gives me a massive hug. It was pretty cool.

One more thing. Some of you might know that I have applied for social work in the fall. Not sure that I will get in, but it feels great to know I have applied. But it has kinda been a wonder for me if it was something I am doing because I want to do it, or because it is where God wants me to be. So naturally, the last couple months I have often asked Him if I was pointed on the right path. With this whole, listening to God thing, I thought, Huh... Now is as good of a time as any. Well, throughout the weekend, there were 5 breakout session times. 4 of the sessions I attended were based on worship, but the 5th was different. It was titled silence the roar and from my understanding it was about fighting poverty in our world. So I went to it, no idea what was going to happen. Well, the speaker, Tom Davis, gets up front and tells us that he is the President of an organization called Children's Hope Chest (www.hopechest.org). An organization that works with orphanages throughout the world. Yep. International Orphanage work. Sound like something that just might interest me? So afterwards, my cousin and I go up to him to ask what sorta education suits working in the field with them. His response? 'Child psychologists and social workers are definitely good ones' and I thought, huh. Guess I am pointed in the right direction.

That wasn't the end of it. That evening at the Michael W Smith concert/worship was another powerful God moment, something that showed He was listening and responding to my prayers, but I wont bother you with the details. Needless to say, it truly was an unbelievable weekend, one that God was present at, and one that has definitely shown me that God wants to talk to us, He just needs us to listen, even if sometimes all He wants to say is "I Love You"

God Bless

Coffee Shop Conversations (yeah, I listened in)

2009-02-02T12:38:00.005-07:00

I had a couple of really interesting experiences last week. On two occasions, I spent a few hours at a local Second Cup, working on various papers. I discovered that it is a really good place to work because there are outlets, they don't mind if you sit for a while, and I don't have any wireless connection, so no distractions. Needless to say, its a productive process so far and I intend to utilize it more often this semester. Anyways...

So Tuesday, I am sitting in the Second Cup, completely focused on my personal essay, answering questions in essay form as part of my Social Work packet (did I mention that I applied?) and when I look up. On the otherside of the store (restaurant? coffee shop?) there is a table with two men sitting at it. One is looks to be in his late 50's early 60's and the other in his mid to late 20's. No big deal right? But what grabbed at me, what really caught my attention, is that they were praying together. And not just a quick, hey, bless my coffee, amen, but an full out prayer. I don't know how long they had been praying before I looked up. But I sat and watched for almost 5 mins before they lifted their heads, unfolded their hands, cleared their table, and left. I was moved. For some reason it just really touched a chord in me.

Then on Friday. I am back at the same Second Cup (I highly recommend the White Hot Chocolate with Whipped Cream), sitting at a different spot. Working on a 1 1/2 page reflection question answer, and a 5-6 page book report on Sidney Crosby (for my Sport Sociology class). When I sat down, there were these three little ladies sitting at the table next to me. I didn't intend to eavsedrop, it just sort of happened, but these three ladies, who had be to late 60's at the youngest, were talking about the recent engagement of, one of them! It was so sweet to sit there and listen to a woman who had to be around 70 years old, talk with such excitement about her engagement. At one point, while she was in the bathroom, her companions sat and discussed how excited they were for her, how she deserved it, after being widowed so long, how her kids are grown up, and she is such a sweet woman. They figured the wedding would be packed because everyone from the lady's church would want to go because she was so well loved. And I honestly sat there, for the second time in a week, completely moved by something going on in a world that I have no part in.

I intend to write a blog about BREAKFORTH, the conference I went to this weekend, but my thoughts aren't quite organized on it yet. A part of me wonders if these two little events were somewhat a gift from God, having me take the time to sit back and appreciate the little things in life, to move my mind, heart, and soul and reach me by demonstrating His love for people, and people's devotion to Him. But I suppose I shall get into that later...

Have a great day! An amazing week! I'll try write about Breakforth soon =)

Half a Nugget

2008-12-21T14:59:00.003-07:00

So I have to tell you this cause I am still shaking my head over it.
I went dancing with some friends last night, had planned to leave early, but you know how that always ends up. It was awesome- line dancing at Cook, DJ Suco at Suite, out with a couple girl friends and none of us are drinking, doesn't get much better if you ask me. So End of the night comes around, DJ is just playing the last song, I'm leaving, and a friend asks for a ride home. No biggie, in the car(which took forever to warm up) he asks if I mind stopping for food.
First Macdonalds is closed, but when we get to Sherwood Park the one on Wye is open, so we go to the drive through. At this point Its like 245, I had wanted to be home on time, but whatever. We sit there waiting for the car in front of us to order. And it is taking forever! At first I figured, midnight shift, short staffed, maybe they only put through so many people, but 5 mins? Are you serious? So finally I roll down my window to listen and see if they are ordering or not.
They were trying to order, are you ready for this? The tone of their voices tells me this has been going on for a while, and I am in disbelief. Cause I'm not even kidding, this is what I heard
Drive Thru lady-"So you want pack of chicken nuggest" (and she had some accent, Oriental I think")
Chick in the Car-"No. I just want to know how much is costs for HALF OF ONE NUGGET"
DTL- "So Nuggets, anything else for you"
CiC- "No, why aren't you listening, I don't want a pack of nuggets, I want to know how much it costs to get HALF OF ONE NUGGET"
What am I supposed to do? I'm hungry, and tired, and I have still got to drive home, so I tap my horn, meaning, come on already, lets go. The driver? Sticks her head out the window, looks back at me and flips me the bird. She sat there for more than 5 mins trying to order HALF OF ONE CHICKEN NUGGET while there were people behind her waiting, while the lady on the other end had work to, and lets be honest, those things don't pick up voices at the best of times(the drive through order thingys) and she gets annoyed at ME for getting impatient! Are you kidding me?

So... How much do you think half of one chicken nugget would cost?

Funny How It Is

2008-12-08T22:02:00.003-07:00

I kinda think its funny.
Huh? Say what?
Ok, you're right. That doesn't make sense. I kinda think life is funny.
A little clearer, but still not crystal?
I kinda think life is funny how it never actully gets figured out.
Explain?
I'll try...

I have sweet news. I think I know what I want to do with my life! Yay! I have seriously been waiting for this moment for like- I don't know, has to be almost a decade. But yep, I have figured it out and shall now be set for life.
Cept not. Does it ever work that way? It can never be so simple.
Not making sense.
Let me explain better...
I am going to go into Social Work. There. I said it. Now I can't change my mind- or if I do I have to explain it better. I finally realized that social work is the perfect fit for me. No I am not sure what area I want to get into, and to be honest, am not sure when I want to start, but I am going to do it, and sooner rather than later(I used to figure that I'd go into it after I had kids that were in school and all of that).
Why Social work?
Well. I love people. I love kids. I love to help people. I love being able to see someone smile, especially if it is a smile I had a part in creating. I love trying to set things right. I love listening and trying to help people with their problems. Some of the most amazing experiences in my life have included Haiti, The Dream Center, the kids in Mexico, and knowing that things I said or did have made a positive impact on someones life. So I suddenly realized it made sense and there really isn't a reason to put it off another 20 years. I want to do it, so I am going into social work.
Thats it. That is the realization I have been waiting for.

But its not it.
Why not?
Cause now there are other questions.
Like???
Like right now. I am just finishing a semester of three courses aimed at a Sociology Degree. Am planning (but not certain) that next semester will be two courses (while working for sure one, maybe 2 PT jobs) and so by the end of April, I will be complete a year and a half of a 3 year BA in Sociology. Now I am sure at that some people might be sitting there and thinking- when did she start again? Yes. I started in Sept of 05, so in theory I could be finished a 4 year degree at the end of April, or if I had gone right after high school, I'd of been in the work force for 8 months already... But that isn't me, and I'm not sorry. I've loved my chance at Missions and travelling, I've enjoyed my work with the J and learnt alot with all of it.
So why is 1 1/2 years of a degree a problem?
Cause its half way. I feel like if I am going to get it done that far, I might as well finish it. I sorta want to if I really think about it. Have an actual degree with my name on it. So the question becomes when? Do I keep going with the Soci degree, probably taking another 2- 2 1/2 years to finish it, or do I leave it be at the end of April, go into Social Work for two years, and then pick it up again after? Now the question isn't what do I want to do, it is, the sociology degree- before or after the Social Work Diploma? Ahh, conundrums in life...
So is that it?
No. Is it ever?
What else?
Its dumb, its that other part of me. The part of me that looks at what I just wrote and thinks- if you are going to do another 3 1/2 years worth of schooling (and probably take more than that to do it), when the heck are you going to travel some more? How are you going to afford it? When are you going to do something with your life other than being a student? Nothing against being a student, but it drives me nuts, there is no freedom, no choice, its so structured, there are so many rules, everything has to fit into someone else's schedule and it just gets in the way of having a life. There is always reading, or studying, or a paper to write, or research to do, or well you get the picture. So when am I going to travel, or make money to live, or move out, or save up, or eventually even grow up. Being a student makes me feel like a kid. Sure it is university, but people assume you don't know about the world when you are a student and truth is, I don't really know about the world right now so its legit.
And thats just the tip of it. What about the rest of life? Sure, I feel like I have figured out what I want to do, but where? And when? What about other parts of my life that just don't feel complete either? Can't I just figure those things out? How do I do it? God and love and faith and friends and family and the man out there somewhere that God intends me to find... there are so many other questions that I can't believe when I finally answer one I've been asking for years, its like my mind doesn't even take the time to celebrate, nope, its already moved on to stressing about other things (besides the 2 finals and the paper that I have barely started all happening later this week).

Not going to lie to you. Being 22 is nothing like I ever thought it would be like. Best times of my life? When I find them, I'll let you know. Cause it sure doesn't seem to be now.

The Voice

2008-11-06T10:53:00.003-07:00

First, I want to warn you, this is a rant of sorts.

I am a student, most of you know that by now I believe, and am attending a liberal arts college. I am enrolled in three classes, for each class there is 3 hours of class time a week, split one of two ways. It is either held Monday, Wednesday, Friday(MWF) using 50 minute sessions, or it is held Tuesday, Thursday(TR) in 80 minute sessions. I've one class on MWF at nine, then Wednesdays I've a 2 hour lab for that class at 3. TR I have two classes, at 8am and at 1230pm. Two Tuesdays a month I also have a seminar for about 50 mins. So, lets go with weeks that I don't have seminar, using just the middle three days of the week, I have 11 hours between classes (3 on each T and R and 5 on W).

Not really a big deal, there is always homework to be done or errands to run, or texts to read or exams to study for or ppl to visit with. Well alot of these 11 hours, and often on M and F after class as well, I spend time in the Student Association Center(SAC)- the library is too quiet, the cafeteria too much commotion, and the SAC has come rather comfortable leather chairs and couches. There is a fair trade, student run coffee shop, soft music playing, and most of the time a dull murmmur of voices. It is where students meet for a coffee; SR level courses meet, white hot chocolate in hand, sitting on the comfortable leather couches; students nap, study, do homework, check their facebook, whatever; it is, essentially, a coffee shop.

So I spend alot of time here. I enjoy if for the most part, although it does seem to be kept rather cold these last few days- I wonder if if is their way of boosting the sales of the coffee shop... hmm...

But there is a problem. My problem, yes, but I know other people who also struggle with this. There is a group of students that come in with absolutely no care for those around them. They walk into the SAC, full of noise and chatter- which is fine in undertones, but they talk in exceptionally loud voices. The couches are not far apart, and if they are, you can move them, but this group of people, every part of their conversation can be heard in every part of the SAC. And it isn't like it is conversation that makes you smarter for hearing it. Last time I was here, they discussed how if one guy was the prime minister of the united states he would have all female party members who actually have no power but are just there for looks, how Texas would become part of Saskatchewan. Just now they are talking about how awesome it would be to have President Swartchenager.(You know,"I'll Be Back") , about the mess pizza pockets make in the microwave, and how fat guys want a whiskey. Not an issue if it is private, quiet conversations wiith your friends, but when you talk loudly enough for everyone in this high-roofed, rather large room can hear every part of it, it is frustrating.

It gets worse. Sure they are loud, that alone frustrates me as I just assumed coffee shop etiquite and undertones and 'indoor voices' are called for. But there is one in particular. I call him the Voice. He talks louder than the rest, more than the rest, about worse topics than the rest, he seems to believe his opinion is required, in detail, on every subject and topic under the sun, and his voice is, literally, the most annoying voice I have ever heard. I don't mean to complain but after two full months of the Voice, I am nearing the point where I am tempted to avoid my 'home away from home'- the SAC. I'll take insanity due to silence or being driven to distraction in the caf if it would save me from, the Voice.

Ok. I'm done. Sorry. I know I should love all Gods people, and I'm not saying I don't, just suffering in silence from the Voice.

Kids Prayers

2008-10-22T10:17:00.003-06:00

So I am not usually a big fan of forwards, I'll read them and delete them without thinking twice. However, when I got this one, I couldn't help but smile at alot of the things these kids are praying about. It is pretty cute. So I figured I'd share it with you, I really like 6,7,9,10, 11, 18, and 21. Which ones do you think are best?

Kids’ Prayers

1. Dear God,
Please put another holiday between Christmas and Easter.
There is nothing good in there now.
Amanda

2. Dear God,
Thank you for the baby brother, but what I asked for was a puppy.
I never asked for anything before.
You can look it up.
Joyce

3. Dear Mr. God,
I wish you would not make it so easy for people to come apart.
I had to have 3 stitches and a shot.
Janet

4. God,
I read the bible.
What does beget mean?
Nobody will tell me.
Love, Alison

5. Dear God,
How did you know you were God?
Who told you?
Charlene

6. Dear God,
Is it true my father won't get in Heaven if he uses his golfwords in the house?
Anita

7. Dear God,
I bet it's very hard for you to love all of everybody in the whole world.
There are only 4 people in our family and I can never do it.
Nancy

8. Dear God,
I like the story about Noah the best of all of them.
You really made up some good ones.
I like walking on water, too.
Glenn

9. Dear God,
My Grandpa says you were around when he was a little boy.
How far back do you go?
Love, Dennis

10. Dear God,
Do you draw the lines around the countries?
If you don't, who does?
Nathan

11. Dear God,
Did you mean for giraffes to look like that
Or was it an accident?
Norma

12. Dear God,
In Bible times, did they really talk that fancy?
Jennifer

13. Dear God,
How come you did all those miracles in the old days and don't doany now?
Billy

14. Dear God,
Please send Dennis Clark to a different summer camp this year.
Peter

15. Dear God,
Maybe Cain and Abel would not kill each other so much if they each had their own rooms.
It works out OK with me and my brother.
Larry

16. Dear God,
I keep waiting for spring, but it never did come yet.
What's up? Don't forget.
Mark

17. Dear God,
My brother told me about how you were born,
but it just doesn't sound right.
What do you say?
Marsha

18. Dear God,
If you watch in church on Sunday,
I will show you my new shoes.
Barbara

19. Dear God,
Is Reverend Coe a friend of yours,
Or do you just know him through the business?
Donny

20. Dear God,
I do not think anybody could be a better God than you.
Well, I just want you to know that.
I am not just saying that because you are already God.
Charles

21. Dear God,
It is great the way you always get the stars in the right place.
Why can't you do that with the moon?
Jeff

22. Dear God,
I am doing the best I can.
Really !!!!
Frank

23. Dear God,I didn't think orange went with purple
Until I saw the sunset you made on Tuesday night.
That was really cool.
Thomas

Mind Boggling

2008-10-06T19:28:00.002-06:00

It boggles my mind sometimes, how the smallest of things can mean the biggest results.
Huh?
It makes sense. I swear it does. Only problem is how do you explain it. Not sure I can completely
So its Sunday evening( not right now, but my story happened on Sunday), and I am off to Millwoods as usual. I love that church, really honestly love it. The worship is so personal and the message applicable. Great place to be and if for whatever reason I miss the service there, I notice it during my week. Anyways, back on track... So Mike came too this week and pretty quick we run into my friend Laura and her bf Steve. We go sit, and then it happened.
Turns out it wasn't a regular service. They were looking for volunteers. Two groups of people- one 6 women, and one a mix of 8-10 people- to go out and do a project. When? RIGHT THEN AND THERE!
The challenge was simple. We are here, we do church. But, do we actually do things that show we are church? Ok, so we go to church on Sundays. Pray, maybe read our bibles and do devotions. Sing along to a worship CD and drive around with our fish on the back of our car, a cross around our necks. But when the oppertunity presented itself, would we step up.
The second group was headed to the PCC to do some general cleaning stuff. But the first group, wow, did that get my attention.
They were looking for 6 women to go to a Rehab center for women. Laura and I jumped at the chance and away we went. (For the record, while the two groups left the property for service projects, the rest of everyone helped make sandwhiches and organize clothes for the Bissel Center and some 2nd hand clothing place- so it was definitely a huge night for volunteers!)
I wont say alot about it. I really am not sure if I have the words to explain it all. Ihad expected to do church, that is what they told us was going to happen. And while we definitely did church, it wasn't in the conventional- sing some songs, listen to someone talk, pray, and leave. No. It wasn't that at all. We just hung out with the women. Sat down and talked with them, listened to their stories, if they were willing to share, and then before we left sat down in small groups of 2-3 and prayed.
It was unbelievable! Ok, to be honest, I don't know many people who have suffered from addictions, in that sense I have led a rather sheltered life, but I have always assumed it was something that wasn't really talked about, that even when people were recovering, it wasn't something to discuss with people- especially perfect strangers!
Was I ever wrong.
My friend and I ended up talking to this woman. She shared her story with us. And the best part of it all? She is beating it. She is winning the battle against her addiction and the devil. She became a Christian after moving into this Rehab(it is a Christian run organization) and was baptized along with 5 other women in June. As we sat listening to her, and later praying for her, I couldn't help but realize that we had done church after all.
It wasn't just her, but with all of the women. It absolutely shook my world the way that they opened up and loved us right from the get go. They weren't just being friendly, they truly loved that we were there and truly loved having the chance to spend time with us. To share their stories, their conquests, because lets be real here- every minute of every day that they stay clean- from drugs, alcohol, or sex- is a minute more that they are conquering their 'diesease'.
By the time we left, it had been not even 90 mins. And already I knew that I was never going to forget that night. We did church that night. Not in the conventional sense. But we sat, we fellowshiped, we loved and were loved by God's creation, we appreciate His might in how He can overpower these dibilletating problems. And we prayed- for women that we didn't really know. Lifting them up, exposing them and their needs to our Father above with full confidence that He loves them with all that He has.
Because He does. He loves all of us that way. It got me thinking on the way home. You know when you drive by a field, or a park, or a forest, or a beach. Do you ever think to yourself- wow thats alot of grain/grass/trees/sand/water. Whatever of the choices. It registered for me then, really really hit home, that if God knows and loves every single blade/leaf/grain/drop of His creation, then you can bet everything you have on the fact that He knows and loves you. Mind Boggling.
Anyways, it was pretty awesome to say the least. Definitely glad I felt a need to join in on that one. And really want to encourage people, if you have the chance to do something, help out in some way- DO IT! I knows its cliche to make it seem so simple, but you probably aren't as underqualified as you think. What could I offer women who suffered addictions to things that I can't even imagine? Time. Love. An ear. A prayer. A friend.

I've been thinking about this all week. And then tonight I found a verse that really suited so I figured that was the last straw- time to type! Here is the verse
James 1:12
Blessed is the man who perservers under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love Him.

Mind Boggling...

Tis the Season..

2008-09-16T14:35:00.002-06:00

Not that season. Although if you think about it, that one is just around the corner. It is the season of school. The time of year when students throughout the Northern Hemisphere( and actually for the next few months the Southern Hemisphere as well) settle back into their desks and once again suffer daily from writers cramps. The time of year when the alarm clock doesn't mean, time to go make a dollar, but instead means, time to switch where you are sleeping to a classroom... Ok perhaps its not that bad.
But yes. I have gone back to school. Whoop de do right? And you are right to a point if that is what you are thinking. But I have returned to Kings, returned to sitting in classes, following along, reading the texts, writing papers. And I really don't know how I feel about it.
This time around I am a sociology major. Which really doesn't mean much. Did you know that technically speaking, it is my fourth major at Kings. I applied for a Bachelor of Music, but quickly realized that wasn't for me and a few hours later changed to Psychology- cause that is what everyone takes. First semester passed with no psych class, but second semester, I didn't enjoy my intro Psych class. So the next fall I came back as an English major- but somewhere during my middle ages British Literature Class, when we were reading a story written in the 13th Century and I had no idea what it said and we had to do a 10 page essay on it... I figured that perhaps I wasn't meant to be an English major either. So this time around, its been a year and a half since I've been in school, and I am giving it another go as a Sociology major this time around. We shall see how it goes.
I am in three courses- which yes, is still technically full time. Research Methods, History, and Sociology of Gender. I think, once I get caught up, I will be ok. But within the next month or so, I promise I wont feel so optimistic about it. I have most definitely realized that perhaps school really isn't for me. I don't like it. Any of it really.
Thats not true, I don't mind the new knowledge- although I hate how I have to get it. I don't like the homework, the reading of dry material, the papers and research projects, the book reports, and the old and terrible movies you watch in class. I don't like sitting through lectures of what someone says is important, writing quizes and exams on it, and then- lets be honest here- within a few days have no idea what I wrote the test about. I don't like the games played by the student population. I hate trying to fit in, to not be on the outside looking in, but to not lose myself in the process. I hate watching people get shut out, or even experiencing it myself, and feeling that there is nothing that can be done about it, because when it is all said and done, we are human.
But, somehow, here I sit, working on a paper, dreading all the reading I have to do, bracing myself for IS to start tomorrow, trying to rack my brain for a research topic that is worthy of my attention this semester. Its hot and sunny outside, yet somehow I sit here, quietly alone in the AC of the SAC, bundled in a sweater, procrastinating rather then actually focusing and finishing my paper... Ahh... The life of a student...

Video of the Haitian Devastation

2008-09-09T20:58:00.001-06:00

http://www.miamiherald.com/multimedia/slideshows/090808_haiti_floods/

PLEASE! Pray for Haiti!

2008-09-09T10:02:00.010-06:00

So I am not sure how many of you have been paying attention to the hurricanes that have been battering the Gulf these last few weeks. In truth, I expect that you have heard about New Orleans and how they evacuated, how the people boarded up and got out in preparation of Gustav, about the damage that Hannah has laid along the east coast, and most recently Ike.

Most of you know that I spent 6 weeks there last summer, and the impoverished little country, and especially that orphanage in general have really captured my heart. I have been recieving updates from the orphanage via a friend and here are some bites from them to try and begin to explain what it has been like down there. I might add some side notes in brackets.

Tuesday, September 02, 2008 1:20 PM

We have high winds and damage at and around the orphanage in Thomassin. The metal gate is broken and they have lost their solar panels.(The gate is very important for the safety of the kids, and to make sure that people do not steal their supplies- esp with all the loss that is occuring right now). Metal roof is lifting on the balcony at the main house and wind is gusting with force and speed. Lots of trees down in our area and debris is blowing.

Tuesday, September 02, 2008 5:53 PM

5 PM - Haiti is being blasted by it's third storm in 3 weeks! Gonaive(a small town in the north) is experiencing severe flooding and conditions worse than with Hurricane Jeanne 3 years ago. Gonaive police reported seeing at least 10 bodies floating in the flooded streets. People are on their roofs and it's up to the 2nd story floor of homes that have 2 levels!!(In most places in Haiti, very few homes have a second level)

Roads blocked by fallen trees and power poles in our area. We tried to take Mme Bernard home in Ft. Jacques(a drive up the mountain0 45 mins away? on roads that are no where near our standard) at the end of her work shift and could only make it half way there. She is now walking the rest of the way.

Wind is shaking the house and bending the trees in here at the orphanage. We cannot believe we still have Internet service and pray that the satellite continues to hold! The roof on the babies' feeding balcony and the 3rd floor playing balcony have been ripped off the house! Some of the roof fell onto the babies tables. We could not get them inside without taking them apart.(They are specially crafted tables with one nanny able to feed 5 children at a time) Some of the toys are gone. Blown away in the wind!

Airport is closed. We have 3 families here and one of them is stuck here until the weekend unless some seats open up.

And on top of all of that it's freezing too! We are so cold from this wind! The house inside is covered in leaves. The wind is pushing them in around the closed windows. The staff keeps sweeping them up, and an hour later, it looks like nobody has swept at all!

Continue to pray and ask God to make the wind go away! This is the worst storm that we've been through in the 17 years that we've lived in Haiti. We are not having a lot of rain, but the wind is horrendous!

Hurricane Gustave hit the southern part of Haiti and Hurricane Hannah is hitting the rest!

7 PM - Satellite is not working right now. Some lightening and rain and wind gusts. I think the wind sounds like it is not quite as strong at the moment. The gusts are still pretty strong and our yard looks like a battle field with debris and trees down! Will try to get photos tomorrow to send.
Thank you for all of your prayers. So far, all kids and staff are safe.

Wednesday, September 03, 2008 2:49 PM

TROPICAL STORM HANNAH
Tropical Storm Hannah came rolling over Haiti on Monday evening and continued through Wednesday morning about 3 AM. We weathered the storm of Hurricane and nobody was hurt. We are very thankful. We lost the Internet satellite dish at the Toddler House and the solar panels on their roof. Their metal gate was also broken in the wind!

At the main house, the balcony roofs suffered damage and the one over the babies' balcony was actually ripped off of the house! Lots of leaves laying around and the house is full of them. The wind blew rain in around the window frames and through cracks and my dining room table was covered in water this morning and the floor surrounding it! I've attached some photos of the destruction.

On the new property, trees are down and our new gates that they recently installed have been blown in and off the steel posts! The gates are huge and weigh a lot. The higher up the mountain you go, the more damage we see.

Trees and walls in the community are down. But lots of people out this morning cleaning up. So things should be back to normal soon. God kept us safe and I am so thankful for all of your prayers.

Thursday, September 04, 2008 11:40 PM

(From Haiti Children's Home)
the hurricanes have been causing havoc in Haiti to say the least. In the town of Mirebalais where the orphanage is located they have so far been relatively unaffected until now. The dams upstream from the river are full and they had to open the dam gates in the Dominican Republic and that will flow to the river that goes through Mirebalais. If the pressure is too great the dam that is just upstream will also have to be opened and that may cause large flooding downstream which would include Mirebalais. The orphanage is located fairly close to the river and this flooding could affect them. The river has already spilt over the bank and is about 1/2 way from the riverbed to the orphanage.

They were concerned that this evening they would have to evacuate all 40 children; a set of triplets in the incubator and other newborns and special needs tiny babes. Tonight they are safe and will reevaluate the situation in the morning. Please pray for the people of Haiti, the area of Gonaives has been devastated again.

The people of Haiti desperately need our prayer. They have lost crops, livestock and many lives in the various areas and Hurricane Ike is to come in a short time.

I think we will try and put updates on the website so that you can get them efficiently. These hurricanes will cause the cost of food to rise and for a country that cannot cope with rising costs this will be another blow that many will not be able to survive. There will be families needing to give up their children because they just can't bear to watch them suffer and die and that means more resources will be needed at HCH. Prayer is our first defense.! Action directed by God is our second.

Thank you on behalf of Pat and Melinda, volunteers Minnie, Hanna and Lori(on a break in Canada) and the blessed people of Haiti.

Check out the website for updates.
http://www.haitichildrenshome.com/

Monday, September 08, 2008 9:06 AM

(And from GLA again)
More rain and wind and an already wounded Haiti is devastated! The photos I have attached are of the Gonaïve area on the west coast of Haiti. Gonaïve is situated on a river that comes out of the mountains inland of Gonaive. The old colonial drainage system has not been repaired or much has been destroyed. The government has not repaired the system or put in a new system, so the city floods when we have storms that come through.

We received this email from Yvonne Trimble.
Dear friend,
Ike rained and blew all night on poor Haiti. This morning it is still raining and blowing. While we are safe on a mountain in Port au Prince, the northwest of Haiti is experiencing a natural disaster of unimaginable proportions.
Tropical Storm Hanna flooded Gonaives and claimed more than 500 lives in the past week. Now Hurrican Ike is dumping more wind and rain on the battered region. This morning we received a first hand report of a missionary there who said, "Forty children in the orphanage are eating flour, because they have not had food for five days." This same missionary is using bleach to purify contaminated well water for drinking. While human and animal cadavers float in the flood waters surrounding the facility. They have no other choice though as the UN is NOT DISTRIBUTING RELIEF.
The UN received 33 tons of relief for the region yesterday and it is warehoused in Gonaives, to date they have not distributed any of it. We received a message from a Haitian pastor in Gonaives who said his wife walked 18 hours through mud and flood waters to get food for her family. She returned empty handed, even with cash she could not find food; BECAUSE THE UN IS HOLDING THE FOOD BACK IN THE WAREHOUSES. It is rumored they will sell the relief after the storm.
This same family said, they "are waiting for death." This is not an overstatement of the situation in Haiti. We need your help now. You can go on line and find the name of your Congress men and you United States Senators with their phone numbers. Call them today and tell them that the UN is NOT DISTRIBUTING RELIEF IN HAITI. That you know the situation is worsening by the minute and thousands are at risk, in fact 600,000 Haitians have been displaced without food and water for days now.
People have been without food AND water for 6 days now. Orphanages in the area have children without food and water.
The UN that is suppose to distribute the food and water. The US, Canada, France, Belgium, Switzerland, Spain, The Netherlands, and other countries supporting the UN should demand that this food be distributed!

Another missionary, Licia Zachary Betor with Real Hope for Haiti, in the village of Cazele said that at 3 AM on Sunday morning, a wall of water swept through the village of Cazele. There is a small, shallow river that runs through the middle of the village. They are assuming that a mud slide in the mountains caused the wall of water to sweep down and flood the village. It took out the foot bridge over the river and swept people away. Licia heard that the road to the village was cut in half by the fast moving water and so the village is isolated, but she did not know for certain yesterday afternoon if that was true. Go to her blog at: http://haitirescuecenter.wordpress.com/ to read more about the flood.

Blonde Moment Anyone?

2008-08-29T18:22:00.002-06:00

Alright. So I have a confession to make. Biggest blonde moment of my life, and I am super sorry for it. Haven't yet decided if it is funny or not, ok well its funny, but I am waiting to hear back from one person before I fully make my choice. But you are more then welcome to make your own call.

I have a friend from Kings, she lived across the hall from me when I was in the tower in residence second semester of my first year. She has always been a blast, full of energy, hilarious. We have some wicked fun pictures and definitely great memories. Ok, and that is my intro.

So in April she got engaged, which is wicked exciting! A couple months later I got an invite to the wedding! I was so psyched! She is from Surrey, so I started contacting a friend there to see if I could crash at his place, see if he was free that weekend so I could have a date for the wedding. He agreed and I was set- time to plan my trip. I was sitting at the computer one day, looking at flights, and there was a seat sale! I am sitting there, thinking to myself- sweet, you can't go wrong. I had figured I'd fly in on Friday evening(the 22), fly back home on Sunday evening(the 24). Just a short trip, busy and fun. For some reason I didn't book my flight, and would soon find out that wasn't a bad thing.

A few days later, I am in Vernon for a family wedding, and I get a facebook message from her, asking for my RSVP for her wedding on the 24th. I wrote back, what do you mean on the 24th? Isn't it on the 23rd? Nope, I was wrong. Turns out it is a really good thing that I didn't book that flight, cause it was a 330 in the afternoon wedding, on SUNDAY the 24th. Oops.

So change of plans, this time when I go to book my flight, I plan it a little better. This time I plan on a longer visit. I was to fly into Abbotsford on Sat, have my buddy Kurt pick me up, got to the wedding in Surrey on Sunday, stay at his place abd hang out till Tuesday, catch the ferry across to the Island and stay with Cheryl for a while in Victoria, flying home on Sunday. A great plan that I was pretty content with.

So Sunday comes around. Kurt and I are sitting there, its two hours before the wedding, and he asks me where in Surrey the wedding is. So I go to my suitcase, get the invite out, and take a look. I had to sit down as I gaped at it in wonder. Turns out, this wedding, the one that I flew into BC for, the one that I was super psyched for, well it wasn't exactly in Surrey. To be honest, it wasn't exactly in BC. And, if I am really tell you the truth, it wasn't even in Canada. Thats right folks, she was getting married, in Washington. Granted it wasn't far across the border, but Kurt didn't have his birth certificate on him, which meant getting there would take a little longer as we had to stop by his parents place- 20 mins away- to pick it up. Cept there is a problem beyond that. His truck, while insured, had seemed to of misplaced its papers. Never mind it is an older truck, he was convinced that it couldn't get across the border.

Needless to say, I missed the wedding.

In closing, I offer this piece of advice to the rest of the world. If you are invited to a wedding, actually read the invite. Don't assume anything. And to the Bride- I am truly sorry. I've seen pictures, you looked beautiful! Congrats to the two of you, I wish you a very happy life together, one blessed by God, full of love, happiness, joy, and everything you deserve.

New Life

2008-08-02T13:39:00.002-06:00

Great news!

I have another Niece!

Katie Janelle was born on Sunday to Dale and Mar!

That makes three beautiful nieces- Kiera Lee(13 months), Brooklynn Amanda-Jean(2 months), and Katie Janelle(1 week).

Don't you just love when your siblings have kids? Even if it is hard to believe that they can be parents. Congrats!

Still Breathing

2008-07-26T12:17:00.003-06:00

Yep. I am still breathing, still alive, despite my apparent disappearance yet again from the world of blogging. In my defense, when I am online I often think to myself- I should write a quick note- but by the time I actually get onto the site to do so, I am tired and don't feel like writing about my life. Ok. Thats a bad defense. Then I shall go with- I am a lazy procrastinator. Can't argue with that one. =)
Its hard to even know where to begin with talking about life. Its been a pretty good summer. Lets start with the biggest and best thing so far- Shelly and Ian had their baby! Ok, so you all probably know that, but it is still definitely th emost exciting thing that has happened for me this summer. She is a beautiful little girl, almost 6 weeks old already(tomorrow), has a head full of hair, and has got pretty much everyone she meets wrapped around her little fingers. Due to my recent trip overseas, Shelly asked if I want to be Auntie or Tante(Auntie in Dutch). My indecision over the matter has her convinced that I will now be Auntie Tante Laura... Got a pretty good ring to it I think...
We are also sitting in eager anticipation for Dale and Mar's second child. Kiera, their first, turned one last month, and Mar is now a week over due for this one. I can't wait to find out if is a girl or a boy, and to have a chance to hold yet another child of one of my siblings. It still amazes me that Dale and Shelly can have kids of their own. Not that they can't or shouldn't or whatever, simply cause they are my brother and sister and it seems odd almost. But the excitement overpowers the rest!
A couple of my cousins got married, two weekends in a row(well actually three, but I couldn t make it to the first one) in Vernon. Naturally, as with any get together on moms side of the family, we all had the time of our lives, dancing, and laughing, and joking, and partying, and I for one, am quite looking forward to the third(fourth) wedding in a couple weeks, once again in the Okanogan area, once again with that side of the family... It will rock!

Work. I found work. Actually once I started looking it didn't take long. I left resumes at four different golf courses, had interviews with three. Two I was hired on the spot and the third called a couple weeks later. So I picked one and have spent the last month and a half working at Legends Golf and Country Club, in the clubhouse. My original plan was to get on the beer cart, but since it hasn't happened after 6 weeks, I am almost ready to give up hope. Then last week I started a second job. I now work a couple times a week as a show home hostess. Works out to about 10 hours a week. Its quite slow and not the most exciting job, but it is something different, and a little bit more money made.
What else can I tell you? I applied to a couple of colleges, UBC Okanogan- in Kelowna, and Grant Macewan here in Edmonton. However, both applications were late going in, because I determined late that I wanted to go. Due to my late decision, both my first choices are already full, before they got to my application. I still have one more hook in the water, but to be honest am not really expecting it to pan out. So either I have to give in and return to Kings- for a semester or a year- get some more general courses under my belt, or some other college- where I don't know as most will be full already, or I am going to continue working in the fall. Gonna take a while and think about that over the next week or 5... Hope something gets figured out!

Otherwise in life, I joined Curves. Going to get in shape, maybe lose a little weight. I am pretty excited and really like how the whole thing is set up. And that is about it. I am actually sitting at work at the Show Home right now. My boss is off today to do some family stuff- which is the reason I was hired, so that he can take some time off occasionally and not have to work 6 days a week, so I am sitting here alone and figured it the perfect time for a hello. And with that done, I am off to either upload an album to Facebook, or watch a movie on my laptop. Have a great day! Look forward to talking to you soon!

New Album

2008-05-28T12:49:00.001-06:00

I just added a new photo album- Sellingen and Zwolle with Rene- from my time in Holland.

Stay tuned for more albums in the (hopefully) near future!

Practically Famous...

2008-05-26T19:13:00.003-06:00

You know the Edmonton Oilers Intro Video conteset? No? The videos are the intro videos that were shown on the scoreboard prior to the team skating onto the ice at Rexall Place this last season. The Oilers are looking for fan input so that they can know what fans like to see for that pre-team game excitement builder videos. They are holding a vote between three videos to find the fan favorite. So what right?

Well it turns out that Cheryl and I are in two of the three videos. Its just for a moment, same shot in each video, but we are there! Makes my day (the little things in life that count right?) and I figured I would share and tell this little tidbit. Check them out!

http://oilers.nhl.com/team/app/?service=page&page=NewsPage&articleid=363876

Life Investment

2008-05-25T19:57:00.001-06:00

Its amazing to me how time can fly. I am sure that I’ve said that before, but really, have you ever thought about it? How with the passing of time so much, or so little, can change. A week ago I was sitting in Murphys Law, an Irish pub in Hengelo, in eastern Netherlands, watching Ajax(Amsterdam) play Twente in the 2nd game of the home and home series. I sat, bathed in dutch and laughter from the soccer fans around me. I was, literally and figuratively, a thousand miles away. Now I am sitting in Rundle Park(ok, so when I post this I am sitting somewhere else, but thats irrelevant) at a picnic table next to a pond, bathed in sunlight and the sounds of birds chirping. I had to walk the long way around because there was a couple of Canadian Geese on the path with their gosling and they were hissing at me as I tried to pass(now they swam across the pond and sit like 30 meters from me, I’m scared to get up...). It is phenomenal to me the differences that life can bring with the simple passing of time. Time is amazing.

Anyways, yes. I am home. Made it safely, flights were uneventful, in fact they were really good, the cold that has been bothering me the last three weeks took it easy on me so I didn’t even drive the whole plane nuts with constant coughing- go team! The international flight is actually one of the easiest flights I have ever done. Each seat has its own mini screen(10inches maybe?) and various options on ways to pass the time. So I watched 4 movies as I crossed the ocean, and when we landed 9 hours or so after departing the Amsterdam airport, I looked around, shocked by how quickly we had arrived in Minneapolis. A simple four hour layover and then on to Edmonton. Never have I gone through customs to quickly in my life, and my luggage was among the first off the plane. Smooth as can be.

It is strange to be home. Obviously returning from any amount of time can be strange and the longer you are away the more things seem to have changed, or at least seem to have changed. It happened after Chile. It happened after Haiti. And now it appears to be happening again after Europe. It was expected though. I am unemployed and actually not going back to the Flying J this time. I promise. Its time. Time for something new. New experience, new field of work, new people, new company, new hours, new everything. What job you ask? I have no idea. Absolutely not even a remote clue. Truth be told I am dreading the process of having to write a resume and hit the pavement looking for work, because having absolutely no idea sure doesn’t make the process any more appealing. But it’ll work out. Somehow. Eventually. I hope...

Otherwise, I have to finish a couple of things to complete the application process for the Massage Therapist program at McEwen in the fall. Thats the plan at least. If massage therapy doesn’t work out, perhaps a different course, or there are always the many travel options that always present themselves. But who knows. I have no idea what I am doing tomorrow morning, so planning for the fall is definitely not my strong point.

Long story short? Europe was amazing. The visiting, the travelling, the experiences, the people, the history, the culture, the food, everything. I loved it. Definitely plan on going back again someday, hit up a few more of the countries and meet some more people. I will miss it. All of the things I loved I will miss. Especially the friends that are there. But it is good to be home. Weird but good. I am about to become an aunt again, then in a month or so a third time. I had the chance to help a couple friends move, to catch up with people I haven’t seen in a couple months. I have plans to see other people who I haven’t seen in longer then just while I was gone. I am ready to start a new chapter of my life(post flying J I mean) and even though I don’t even know how the chapter begins, I look forward to seeing how it unfolds. Here’s to life. To experiences. To travel and friends.

Ps. To explain the title, one of my family members in Holland told me that travelling is more then what people think it is. It is not just for the here and now because the things you do, the sights you see, the people you meet, it is all having an impact on who you are. It is impacting your life- present and future. Perhaps you don’t notice the changes, but it is nearly impossible to go home after any excursion the same person you were when you left, the change is there. Therefore, my new definition for travelling is “Investing in my Life”. Has a good ring to it don’t you think? Makes travelling seem like a responsible and crucial part of life, I like that. Can’t wait for the next Investment!

Going Home

2008-05-21T01:39:00.002-06:00

Ok so I absolutely sucked at updates the last few weeks. I am sorry. It started in Ireland when I was to busy to even sit at a computer, never mind trying to find one, checking emails, and taking a moment to say hello. And since then, I've been sick so I am using the excuse that I haven't had the patience to sit and write.

As it stands right now I only have a moment. I depart Amsterdam at 330 this afternoon(730am home time) And it takes about 2 1/2 hours to get there by train so I am on my way really soon. Arrival time is 1130pm in Edmonton- via Minneapolis(730am Amsterdam time), so it looks to be a long day.

Am I ready to go home? Yes and no. For various reasons but this happens at the end of every trip. I definitely feel better about it then I did a few weeks ago, so it was unquestionably worth the trip exstension. But I will miss the relaxed life I have had, the people I have met, the beauty, history, and culture that is Europe, and of course the people I have gotten to know so much better. I loved my time here. I really did. BUt I have to go. Leaving in 15 mins and I am not quite packed... Have a great on, see you soon!

A little late...

2008-05-15T09:32:00.001-06:00

Belguim. I was in Belgium...

Just one night this time, seems really short compared to Ireland, but it was pretty awesome none-the-less..

Belgium

What now?

2008-05-04T09:29:00.001-06:00

I am in Ireland!

I love these posts. Short, sweet, and exciting!(For me at least)

Berlin and Ireland

2008-05-02T04:07:00.003-06:00

So Berlin was awesome. The city is a fascinating mix of the old and new. It is a city jam packed with history in a country of the same. Someone asked which I prefered, Venice or Berlin, and it is hoenstly impossible to compare them. Venice is charming. Its tourist area is in a concetrated area and absolutely enchanting. You go for two or three days, and you've seen it. You've relaxed, you taken pictures, you've eaten the pasta, the pizza, drank the wine. Berlin is fascinating. I think every corner you turn there is another building that has stories to tell. It is a mix of the new and modern, standing side by side and arm in arm with the old, shambled, sometimes even bombed. There is history in so many things and while perhaps it is a history the country is not proud of, it is still there. To properly see Berlin, you need more then two days.

It was awesome though. I went to Berlin by car, with Jero and Rene. Yep. The three of us. First of all it was good to see Rene again, been a couple weeks. Second of all, those two are hilarious together, and it is just so comfortable when its the three of us. We did a day of wandering, taking public transport(highly recommended if you go there. The city is amazing for public transport), checking out a couple churches(Berlina Dome is beautiful and you can actually climb right to the top, walking around outside on the balcony around the dome at the top), and finished the night with a pub crawl through New Berlin Tours. Awesome pub crawl, great hosts, tons of fun and intersting people. The second day, we checked out, threw our bags into the car, and jumped on the train to join up with the New Berlin Free Bike Tour. We spent 3 hours biking around Berlin hearing about the history, about the government, and all the little things like that from a very informed tour guide who had a great sense of humor. Highly recommend that as well.

So it was good. Definitely different from Venice, but I treasure each experience on its own.

Now what you ask? Well, I have extended my stay in Europe. I was originally supposed to be at the airport about 40mins from now to check in, but now I am not leaving until May 21. Am I am so excited about it! It was kind of a last minute switch, but in the end, the more I thought about going home, the less I felt like doing it, so I spent the money(more then I expected it to be) and changed my flight.

Can't and wont complain about doing it. Because tomorrow morning I shall pack up most of my stuff, take the bus to the train station, get on a train-by myself, make a switch or two, take a bus, and end up at the Eindhoven airport. From there, I am getting on a plane and flying to Dublin, Ireland. Yep. I. Laura Boskers. Am going. TO IRELAND! I am pretty excited about it, as for some strange and unexplicable reason I've always wanted to go, and now I am doing it. Really psyched. I am spending a couple nights just on my own(actually just booked a hostel, thought I was sol on that one), then Monday morning joining a tour group for back packers and spending 5 days on and off the bus through Shamrocker Adventures- a branch of Busabout(if anyone has heard of either of them). I am so excited!

Whats more, when I get back to Holland- landing again in Eindhoven, I now have time to visit some more family, and then I am looking at taking the EuroLine(like a greyhound) and going to Belgium and maybe even France. I have the time, I have the interest... But that is still really up in the air. We'll see!

But I have to go. Going to Den Haag today to see Maduradam(don't think thats spelled right) and I need to get ready. Have a great one!

dag!

Berlin

2008-04-27T15:52:00.005-06:00

So I just arrived in Berlin where I shall be spending the next two nights along with Jero and Rene!

I love Europe!

Bug you later!

Ciao Bella

2008-04-26T05:09:00.003-06:00

If it is possible to be absolutely charmed with a city, then this was such the case for me in Venice. The canals are beautiful, the buildings are old and enchanting, the bridges are numerous- each affording a great view, streets so narrow that I can stick out my elbows and touch both sides, gondolas and gondoliers are everywhere on the main canal, churches with so much history you can't help be in awe, gelato so delicious (to use a dutch saying, roughy translated) its like angels peeing on your tongue. Pizza, pasta, wine, seafood, and limoncello abound, as hawkers stand in front of their restaurant, trying valiently to bring the customers in. As the rain begins to fall, terraces are efficiently covered, the stands have their canvas roofs extended, locals simply open the umbrellas they carry around, and tourists sprint for cover... It was wonderful.

To arrive at our Hostel was a feat in itself. We took the bus from Jero's apartment to the local train station. Caught a stoptrein to Zutphen. Switched to a bigger train- sat upstairs, and headed off to Nijmegen. After arriving in Nijmegen caught a 'shuttle' to the airport. Cept that our shuttle was to pick us up in a random spot and turned out to be a taxi. But it got us to the airport Dusseldorf/Weeze in Germany. We ended up there nearly 3 hours early, so we sat in the bar, on the patio, watching planes load and land, drinking Varsteiner(German beer) and Baileys. The flight was uneventful, we boarded by crossing the tarmac and there were no assigned seats, allowing people to sit wherever they please. So we land in Venice(YAY! ITALY!) and buy a round trip ticket to Piazza del Roma- a public transportation hub, and board a greyhound sized shuttle bus to the square. We get to the square- its now like 10pm, neither of us speaks any Italian and Italians don´t speak much English, so we find the bus that we need to get on (chosen thanks to an email from the guy who runs the hostel we were headed to). So we get on this bus, and try to ask the driver if we are on the right one. After like 5 mins we just point at the name of the street to which he responds ´sí´. The bus is full as it leaves the depot, full of Italians who know where they are going, and two tourists completely lost. After about 10 minutes and various stops, we look back and realize that we are two of three people on the bus. Now we are getting worried. How are we supposed to find a hostel on some random street, if we can´t even ask the driver to tell us when to get off? All of a sudden the driver stops, just before a roundabout, with no bus stop in site, opens the doors and says the street name. So we get off. Cept for that we are on a round about and not sure where we are going. After a moments hesitation we head down a street, find a supermarket mentioned in the email(after 10 mins of walking in the near dark on a very narrow strip of side walk that switches sides of the roads randomly and unexpectedly) and discover we don´t know what building we want. So we ask a couple of guys, who have no idea what we are asking, and tell us there is no where to sleep nearby. Then I see a woman and ask her, using gestures, english(uselessly), and the three words of Italian we know. She leads us up to a building(directly behind us) and we have found our home! It was a gong show but quite the adventure!

The first day we took the water bus for a while, getting off randomly as we agreed it would be more fun to try and walk to our destination- San Marco's square- one fo the most famous attractions in Venice. It was overcast with light showers on and off, so while there were people about, the numbers were down from what they would had been had the day been sunny. On the way to the square we stopped for Speghetti Carbonara and a glass of wine- pasta and wine in a little cafe, on a narrow street, just off a canal, in Venice... San Marcos Basilica is a huge church rebuilt in the 12th century. After visiting the church we simply wandered around, me browsing stand after stand, taking piles of pictures, and essentially loving being there. As we were looking for a place to eat dinner, we passed some gondoliers and they tried to get us to go for a ride. The plan was to go on day two, so we said no and continued walking. One of them came up to us and said that rather then the usual 80€ he offered us a ride at 60€. Impossible to say no to a bargin, so we went for a ride. In Venice. On a gondola. He didn't sing but when we docked again, there were a couple other 'drivers' standing there, so I asked them to sing, and got my song from a gondolier while sitting in a gondola. It rocked! Dinner ended up at a little restaurant with a terrace literally right on the canal. Beside our table was steps leading down into the canal right next to the Rialto bridge- a large and recognizable and popular bridge. The pizza was good, the wine was delicious, the atmosphere was amazing. I love Venice!

Day two started well, with clear skies and promises of sunshine. We packed up our bags, left the hostel, and headed to the bus station. Rather then hoping on the water bus we simply started walking. Before I left Canada, Cheryl gave me some amazing advice- when you get to Venice, aim to get lost. I thought she was nuts at the time, but by day two we were ready to give it a try. The narrower the street, the more likely we would walk down it. Over bridges, past canals... It was awesome! It was sunny out, but where we were walking, there were less people then the day before, and a much higher percentage of them were speaking Italian. After a while we were standing in a little square, getting hungry, and a nearby tavern started putting out tables in the middle of the square. A delivery boat was unloading its cargo, a couple Italian guys were discussing something as one sat in the sun and the other 5 feet away in the shade, the two bridges connected to the square were occupied, but only by a couple people at a time, not a steady stream like the bridges from the day before, there were moms pulling strollers, and old ladies with their shopping carts, business men walked into the tavern, and from a window above us a lady began pulling in her laundry off the line and replacing it with a fresh load, occasionally a tourist or two would walk by but for the most part, it seemed to be locals. We simply looked at eachother, and sat down to eat. Our getting lost in Venice experiment was a huge sucess as sitting there, watching everything go on around us, soaking up the sun, we were perfectly content and could have stayed there all day. Eventually we rose, wandered aimlessly for a while longer, then returned to the crowded areas and headed to San Marco square so that I could do some shopping.

Getting back to the airport turned out to be an easy thing to do. Caught a water bus to the depot, almost bought a ticket for the shuttle, but remembered at the last minute we had a return ticket and didn't need to buy another one. Got to the airport and couldn't find our check in desk. Our flight wasn't on the departures screen- not by the name Dusseldorf or Weeze. So we went by time, picked a line up, and discovered the airport has not one, not even two, but three names- Niederrhein being the last one, one we didn't know and naturally being the one used. So after checking in, we are sitting there talking about how bad it sucks to be late for a flight and how you never understand them when they page you(me remembering Guatemala and Jero remembering Washington). Finally he gets up for a smoke and I agree to meet him in a couple minutes, but then I look at the customs line and at the time, run outside, grab him, and run to customs. The line up took forever, one security point was going through, and they were calling last call for our flight. I'm freaking out about missing the flight, and he is laughing at me for it. A couple ladies in front of us let us go ahead of them, then the man in front of us stalls things. He tries to take his suitcase through the metal detector and argues when they tell him to put it through the machine. Finally he does, then he has to go thru again, without his jacket, and his shoes, and then they ask where his wife is- somehow she ended up a few people behind and he had given them her boarding pass. I'm getting more and more anxious as they have called our flight again, and finally we go thru. I have no problems. Jero has to pass through a second time with out his shoes. Oh, and the need to search his bag, in a moment when they are done with this other one. So I tell a guy, that our flight is boarding and we can't miss it and as I am explaining this to him... They page us. Finally the start going through jero's bag, they actually do an on the spot check of his cologne and FINALLY let us through. We literally ran to our gate at which point the airport employees were waving us through as fast as possible... Our plane was supposed to leave at 9 55. We boarded at 10pm... I love Italy!

So it was awesome. Had a great time, so glad we went. I recomment Italy to many people. Just use a bit more time awareness when you are departing. Biggest piece of advice? Like Cheryl says, if you have a day- aim to get lost. It was probably my favorite thing about the trip!

At that, I feel I have bored you enough, Have a great day!

Ciao

http://jssgallery.org/Essay/Venice/San_Marco/Basilica_San_Marco/Basilica_San_Marco.htm for more information on San Marcos Balisica

Ciao

2008-04-22T15:14:00.001-06:00

Just want to send out a Ciao from Venice, Italy!

Thats right. I am in Venice!

Tell you about it when I get back to Holland=)

Halfway point?

2008-04-20T09:12:00.004-06:00

I write to you this time from Hengelo. A city in Eastern Overijssel, really close to the German border. Its been a good week. Met up with Rene in Meppel at a train station. It was really good to see him again, hard to believe it had been 5 1/2 years. Headed north to the province of Gronigen and met Rene's parents. Throughout the course of the weekend I met family that to be honest I didnºt know existed. My grandpaºs sister, cousins of my dad, it was really neat to meet these people. I saw the barn of the house that my grandpa grew up in. Climbed the Martinitoern, had a beer in a pub off the square, listened to his band practise, and went to Germany. See, Reneºs parents live less then 1 km from the border, so throughout the course of the weekend we crossed the border about four times. Yep. Iºve hugged a windmill in Germany, laid on the border. Then, on the way to Zwolle, we took the autobahn for a bit. Autobahn is the German word for Highway, and when you are on it in Germany, there is no speed limit. We hit 180, then got passed like we were standing still. It was awesome.

Spent a few days hanging out in Zwolle with Rene. It was nice. After thinking about it for a bit Iºve come to realize that before I came here I have spent all of 12 days or so actually with these guys. But somehow, despite that, and I suppose along with the internet connection, it feels like Iºve known them forever. Got to meet up with a friend of mine from Kings while I was in Zwolle. Renee is here for a semester studying, learning Dutch, and enjoying life. It was pretty awesome to be sitting in a cafe, chatting with someone I lived with in the tower.

Wednesday Rene and I jumped on the train and came to Hengelo. We met up with Jero, went for a beer, and it was time to head off to my latest Dutch home. Iºve had a good few days here so far. Iºve met a bunch of Jeroºs friends, had a couple nights at various pubs, met his sisters family. Rode double on a bike, did some shopping, played some basketball and checked out a dutch forest. I love living a relaxed Dutch life. So far =)

Tomorrow afternoon we jump on the train for Dussledorf, Germany, after which we shall board a plane for Venice, Italy. Its a whirlwind trip, two nights there, and land back in Germany late Wednesday night, but I am really excited about it. I love Europe!

Moving On

2008-04-11T05:16:00.007-06:00

As I write this, I am racking my brain trying to make sure I have everything I need packed up and ready to go. In an hour Jan and I are leaving the house to pick up Piety from work and meet up with Rene about an hour south of here. When we meet up with him, I'll transfer my bags to his car, say my goodbyes, and head off to Gronigen where I will have the chance to meet some extended family on my dads side, see the town my grandpa grew up in/near, and other things of the such. After the weekend, the two of us will head to Rene's place in Zwolle Overijssel and hang out for a couple days. Tuesday I am probably meeting Renee(From Smithers- a friend from Kings) for lunch or so as she is currently in Zwolle. How cool is that? Then on Wednesday off to Hengelo to Jeroen's place.

I have enjoyed my final days in Friesland(found out the spelling difference- Friesland is Dutch, Fryslan is Frisian). Tuesday we headed to a major tourist spot in Noord Holland called the Keukenhof(It is really close to the airport in Amsterdam, so probably about an hour and a half from here, maybe a little longer). It is a few acres of Gardens open from Mid March-Late May. You walk around and check out the flowers, they have a miniature windmill you can go in, lotso f touristy souvenirs(at ridiculous prices!), and more flowers. It was pretty neat to see. People from all over and so many gardens. Piety had me pose with some flowers.After the Keukenhof, we went to Zaans Schaans, only to find out the shops had closed but we could still walk around. What is that you say? It's a lowland that has like 10 windmills in sight, up to 5 close enough together to get in one picture. It was neat. THey were industrial mills used to cut lumber, get the oil out fo peanuts, make colored dyes, and I don't remember the others. It was cool to see so many all at once. Kind like what you stereotypically think of when you imagine Holland.

On Wednesday, Piety was off to work so Jan and I went for a drive after lunch. First we visited his Stallion at another farm, then checked out a couple windmills in Dokkum(one of which runs a pet store out of the main floor). Next it was off to Anjum, the town near where my grandpa grew up. We went to the mill, to take a picture, and there was a little store in the bottom. So we go inside and find out that it is a museum now, and you can actually climb up the mill, all the way to the top floor! Naturally we did it, and it was pretty neat to be climbing a mill in the village near where my grandpa grew up. The red and green on the top left of the photo is where the arms of the mill are attatched to. Yep. Right to the very top!

Just outside of town is a dijk, it seems Grandpa grew up near a hole in the dijk(yep there are holes in the dijk), so we tried to find where his house used to stand- it has since been demolished. After looking at 3 holes and talking to a few people, we think we found the right property. It was pretty neat. This isn't the one(I don't think) but it shows the hole in the dijk the best. It seems that on the other side of the dijk it was very shallow, so when the waters were low, the farmers would put their livestock to pasture over there. When the waters were high or there was a storm, they would put some big, fitted pieces of wood in the hole to close it up.

Yesterday, Piety had to work just in the morning, so after a calm morning where I slept late, applied to College, and discovered my old job still owes me money and I might have to look into further action to get it, and took the dog for a walk, we went shopping. Didn't buy much, but it was awesome to be shopping on a street in Holland, crossing the canal to get to different stores. Yep. I love it.

So I have truly enjoyed my time here. Jan and Piety were awesome and I am so glad that I got in touch with them. I don't think that my first 10 days could have gone much better.

Hoi

2008-04-07T15:18:00.003-06:00

A week ago tomorrow I left Canada and began my trip. It is hard to believe that I have not yet been here a week. With all the driving around, touring, and photos it feels like I have been here for so much longer. In a good way.
Saturday turned out to be a very fun day. It was 'Kom in de Kas' day(open houses at some greenhouses) and later we found out that it was also a weekend to get in free to any museums in Frysland. So in the morning, Piety and I got on the Bikes. Yep. I have now riden a bike in Holland. I am so dutch I can feel it;) There were three greenhouses, first Paprikas, then we broke for lunch, then off to flowers and tomatoes. It was neat to get to go right inside and have some people explain how it worked on such a large scale. After we got home, we jumped in the car and headed off to Kazemattenmuseum. A museum built out of the actual bunkers of WW II German soldiers right on the coast of Frysland next to the Afsluitdijk- at the meeting of the Waddenzee and the Ijsselmeer. I know I know, the Germans? It wasn't a tribute to what they stood for, simply actual buildings from the war with lots of things about the Dutch soldiers and the fighting in that area. It was really neat, definitely not something you could ever see in Canada! Finished the night off with a couple glasses of a Fantastic bubbly Italian White Wine with Piety, giggling about something or another.
Sunday we headed to Leeuwarden- the capital of Frysland, to a Nature Museum. It paled in comparison to the War museum the day before, but it was very well set up for kids, it was comfortable and interactive in some exhibits. In the evening Piety and I went to a Praise and Worship service at a church she attends in Draacht- about 35-40 minutes away. It is a huge church, nearly 3000 during the day, and probably almost 1000 at that night service. It would be in dutch, but they had a translator, so I got a translator box and throughout the entire service had a lady translating, the songs, the prayers, the messages, in my left ear. Definitely a different way to experience a church service. Didn't end up getting much of the message, or singing along to any of the (dutch)songs, but it was still good. People seemed very at ease. There was an age range of 12-75 or so, and it was so lively! The band was jumping and dancing and clapping away as they led everyone in worship.
Today we once again hit the road, I saw Frysland's soccer stadium and then we proceeded on to Giethoorn- a very picturesque village with mostly thatched roofs. After walking for a while and then stopping for coffee/tea, we...... rented a boat! Yep, I rode in a boat on a canal in a small village in Holland. In fact, I got to DRIVE the boat, on a canal, in a small village, in Holland... Ok, so it is just a boat, but I have never driven a boat before and since my rowing incident have been a little afraid of being in a boat on water. But it went well. Got in a fight with some ducks, maybe bumped the wall a few times while turning 90degrees to the left, but lived to tell!
So that has been my last few days. What a lot of fun! No idea what is in store for tomorrow, but I am learning to enjoy that. I am, as Piety says, on holiday, after all!

On a side note, just to mention some of the wonderful cusine I have tried/eaten in the last few days- boerenkool stamppot met worst, kroket en patat, poffertjes met aardbeien met slagroom, pannen koeken, blokzyler brok, dropjes, chinese food, pizza, gouda kas, hagelslag, brodje... yep... I am cultured ;)

Check out the links on the left for picture albums links to facebook!

Dooi!

Another Hallo

2008-04-04T16:09:00.003-06:00

Have I ever mentioned that I have serious issues with thinking up creative names for my posts. If you have any suggestions, let me know! Its almost as bad as naming a name that tune team...

Jess, pictures are coming I promise. Not sure when yet, and they are nothing compared to the kids in Haiti, beautiful but not cute and heartbreaking at the same time. But I will work on that soon, promise!

So. I am no longer jet lagged. Or I will deny it if I am. Sure I still sleep late and take naps, but I blame that on being relaxed and being drained. It is amazing how much energy trying to converse to someone who speaks only so much English can be. With my aunt, it is ok. Her English is really good actually. But her husband doesn't speak it so well. Well, this afternoon, he and I went for a drive and a tour of some areas in Friesland (I know it is spelt different then last time, I don't really know which way is right so I think I will use both). Just the two of us. Me with next to no dutch, and his English is choppy at best. It is amazing how well we can manage to get by despite these hurdles. Turned into a really nice day. Got to see a few Dijks, some more windmills, a skate mueseum, drove through numerous little towns and learnt more about this country. Its fascinating really. I am almost glad I didn't do any studying up on the country before I came because hearing it first hand from a Dutch man is really awesome!

For those of you who don't know, my mom was born in the Netherlands. Yesterday I had the chance to go with Aunt Piety and see the town that she was born in. I saw a house she had lived in, a bridge my grandpa used to cross going to work, a school that my aunt attended for a little while. In fact, through the kindness of a stranger, we actually got to go inside a house that my mom lived in with her family when she was just 4 or 5 years old! It was an adorable town and since I admit I am a bit of a history fan, it was amazing to go and see this little village. I never really imagined what it was like, or pictured how life had been back then, but after seeing this village first hand, not only do I appreciate the chance to see moms birthplace, I have alot more respect for my grandparents, for all people of that generation and what the must have faced in regards to hurdles. Wow. It was pretty much fantastic.

We also did some visiting, Pietys mom and sister, her cousin(also a Pietje!) and some of her family, a walk to the village to check the prices on Klompen(the infamous wooded dutch shoes). So it was a very busy day!

At that, I must be off. There is an open house at a near by green house tomorrow and I do believe we are headed that way to check it out. Going to bike there. First time I will be on a bike in... I don't know. A long time. Doi!

ps. I ate Chinese food. First time. And I lived to tell =)

Hallo from the Netherlands!

2008-04-02T06:42:00.003-06:00

So I made it! I am writing you from a computer sitting in an adorable little house in the province of Frysland. Already since arriving I have ordered lunch in dutch, driven over a dam, seen some windmills- old fashioned and the new ones, and begun to settle into my home for the next few days. Can't believe I am here but thrilled to have made it safely! Pictures are not going to be a problem, as anyone who knows me is aware, I love taking photos. Turns out, Auntie Piety also loves taking photos and she loves that I am here, exploring things for the first time and learning about the country of my ancestors. That means that not only do I get to take alot of photos, but I get to be in alot of photos! Seriously psyched about that!

The flight itself was uneventful. My flight out of Edmonton was delayed by nearly an hour, however I still had a good hour between flights and despite the vastness of the Minneapolis airport, my arrival and departure were from the same terminal. Made it on time no problem! The flight to Amsterdam was alright as well. No horrendous stories of my seat partner, as he was actually a nice gentleman who has spent the last 40 years in Winnepeg but returns to the Netherlands yearly. My back is killing me and I am a little worried about my knees, but considering the length of the flight, I'd say those are pretty small prices to pay.

Now I am off for a nap and perhaps a walk as I sit and settle into the world of the Dutch.

God Bless

Bought a new camera!

2008-03-29T19:44:00.002-06:00

I just bought a new camera! Really excited about it, probably spent more then I planned to, but thats ok, its a fantastic camera. Its a Canon (Powershot SD870 IS for those who know that stuff) and I has all sorts of great features. It is an 8.1 Mega pixel, with a 2.8 inch screen. I can do all sorts of fun photos with it and can't wait to pull it out and start snapping pictures on the way to Holland, not to mention while touring around!

I spent the day doing little things getting ready. Laundry.... Well really that might be the only important thing I did today. I put the iron on Canada Flag patches on my backpack. Found out my day pack has more to it then I figured. I am starting to think that my bag is going to be alot lighter and lesser packed then I originally expected. Yep, me, an unashamed over packer, might actually do a good job packing... Might... Have to see yet =)

As my Nerves Begin to Frey

2008-03-22T20:42:00.002-06:00

So in ten days I will be on my way. To say the least I am more then just a little bit nervous about going. I am excited, don't get me wrong, but I am nervous as well. I am not exactly the worlds most spontaneous person, but somehow, in a months time, I quit my job, bought a plane ticket, and will be off for the Netherlands. Good times...
I think I have been explaining myself poorly. I say that I am going to Europe, to the Netherlands, to backpack. While this is true in some aspects I guess how I mean it might not be the same as it is understood. I am not going all accross Europe, staying in Hostels every night. I will be living out of my back pack, yes. I will be in Europe, yes. I hope to see more then just the Netherlands, yes. But while I am in the Netherlands, I have family to stay with, and friends.
Moms cousin(Piety) is picking me up from the airport and taking me north. After almost two weeks in the north, she is going to drive me an hour and a half away where I hope to meet up with a friend(my dads cousin's kid- Rene) and spend a day or two. Then it is on to the next city where I meet another friend(met through dad's cousins kid- Jero) and his place will be my base for the remainder of my trip. He is gonna travel with me sometimes, and hoepfully we have the chance to go abroad, and he is also going to show me Amsterdamm. I am welcome in his apartment as long as I want, so on that chance that I decide to stay longer, his place will likely be what I call home.
Hopefully I'll get the chance to stay at some hostels, to backpack and ride the train, but at the same time, if I can have this chance to see the country with people from there, that is pretty awesome too!
I just spent like three hours talking to Jero online and we are sort of starting to form some plans. It is hard to confirm much at this point, as he is not yet positive what his work schedule will be like, he is pretty sure his 5 hours a week is split between two days, leaving open for some long weekend excursions. Can't wait!
Packing for the trip is an experience in itself. I have to remind myself that I am carrying everything I chose to bring on my back and that it has to be resonable. I need to bring things that dry quickly, that don't matter if they get destroyed, and that aren't going to need to be broken in... in other words, I think I might be in trouble. I have to get new shoes, and break them in... I have to buy pants and travel toiletries... I guess Monday will be a big shopping day for me.

Anyways, I hope you all have a very happy Easter Sunday tomorrow, celebrating the resurrection of our Christ the Lord. We are having some family over and having dinner after church, I am looking forward to it. Always an interesting time when you put a bunch of us in one room:) Good night and God Bless!

One More Day till Unemployment!

2008-03-18T18:25:00.004-06:00

It is amazing how strange it can seem. Tomorrow at this time, I will be unemployeed. I will no longer have shifts in that building that I have spent so much time at. No longer have a need to be there. Considering, like any job, how much of my life it consumes, it is a hard thought to fathom. But it feels pretty good in its own way.

I will miss it. Staff. Customers. Even parts of the job. But at the same time I am so unbelieveably excited for my trip that it is hard to feel sad about leaving the job. Finishing with work simply makes Europe and the Netherlands that much closer...

My goal is to have my backpack packed by the end of the week. Ready to go. That might sound early to some people, a good week ahead of schedule, but it makes sense. This way if there is something last minute to buy, I have a week to remember it, to pick it up. And it means I get to get accustomed to my new pack. Going to go on some walks to get used to the weight and size of it. Not that I will be carrying the whole thing around often, but I need to have a little bit of a feel for when I do have to carry it for more than an hour or so. So if anyone is looking for a walk next week, let me know;)

In other news, I got to feel my sisters baby kick last night! Since she is due in early June and I don't know for 100% that I'll be back by then, we figured on trying to give me a chance to feel the baby move before I leave. So I went over last night, she sat, she ate, she lay down-on both sides, she had a slushie, and finally we got it to move a little bit. What a strange feeling. To hold your hand on a tummy and feel such obvious movement inside. Just a little miracle!

Have a great day, and a super week! I'll try to be in touch, have to get all warmed up and in practise for while I am gone=)

Plane Tickets

2008-03-15T01:15:00.002-06:00

I BOUGHT MY PLANE TICKETS!!!

Departing for the Netherlands April 1st, arriving on the 2nd. I return home May 2nd... Assuming that is, that I am ready to come home.

After all these years of saying it, I am finally doing it!

Am I nuts?

Good Day

2008-03-12T22:17:00.003-06:00

I don't even know where to begin. This happens everytime I think. There ends up being so much time in between my blogs that so much happens I don't even know what to say when I finally sit down and write my hello... So I guess I'll just touch upon a few things.
A friend of mine, a friend of many, died late last month. Derrick Timmermans was involved in an accident as he was driving home from The Kings University College in Edmonton to Abbotsford during reading week. He hit a patch of black ice, spun out, and after a couple of days in hospital he was declared brain dead. While it is difficult to imagine that a 25 year old vibrant young man could be taken so young, at the same time we learned that his family is at peace with it. Two of his sisters flew out for the memorial and informed those in attendence that Derrick was 'ready to die', not hoping or waiting for it, but not afraid or worried about it. And as a further blessing, we learnt that all seven of his major organs, and both his eyes were donated. It is extremely rare for someone to be able to donate all their organs, so in a way he lives on in the lives that his family's selfless action of donating his organs restored life for many others.
RIP Derrick. God Bless to your family and friends. See you again some day.

In other news, a little less somber, I quit my job and am planning on going to Europe. More specifically, I am finished working at the Flying J as of March 19, 2008 after two years and nine months of work. It has been interesting, educational, stressful, and fun. No idea what is next in line for me in terms of work, but I am not to worried about it at this time.
The plan is that on April first, I will hop a flight to the Netherlands(Holland) where I will spend a month or so backpacking and exploring the country of my ancestors. I have always wanted to go and have talked about it many times, and while I have not yet bought my plane ticket- I am going to do it this time. I intend to embark on this trip solo, and although I am more than a little terrified about it, I strongly feel that it is the time to go. I emailed a cousin of my moms who lives in Friesland(Northern Netherlands) and she told me that I am welcome to stay with her for up to two months. Since then the trip got shorter, but it gives me the freedom to stay longer if it doesn't feel like the time to leave. I have also got ahold of a friend of mine from there, a guy I met about 5 years ago, and he said I can stay with him as well. He lives a bit more in the Western end of the Netherlands and is doing a practicum right now, only working a few hours a week. He was really excited to hear I was coming down and mentioned he might be willing to travel with me. I've another friend there, whom I met at the same time as that guy and he is pretty busy right now, but I am pretty sure(pretty hopeful) that he will be available at least a couple days as well. Finally, a friend of a friend is an au Pere in Switzerland right now and she gets weekends off and we might be meeting up for aweekend in Nice or something as well. So while I am going alone, there is a chance of meeting up with various contacts.
It is hard to believe it is real. I applied for a Mastercard and it came in the mail today, so I have my emergency money while I am gone. I bought a travel backpack this afternoon. It felt like a really big commitment, like admitting to my bank account that it is about to dwindle. It has me excited, like the trip is more real then ever before. Now I just have to work up the nerve to walk into a travel agent and book my flight.

The best thing about the whole thing is the fact that I really have no idea what I am doing with my life after this. If the month doesn't go well, I come home and return to life here, what is a month out of my life? It'll be an adventure in the Netherlands, in Europe, so it wont be anything close to a waste. But if it does go well, then who knows. Perhaps I will stay longer than the month, or I shall return home for the summer, put away some more money, and go back, in the fall, or next spring. Go back to travel more, or to work. To visit or to live. Anything is possible and since I really have no idea, I am trying hard to be open to any and all options.

So, to be cheesy, the winds of change are blowing and my world is about to be turned upside down. Heres to the adventure and the unknown to come!

My Post Christmas Rant (and other musings)

2008-01-18T00:24:00.001-07:00

It amazes me sometimes how caught up we get in our lives. How quickly time passes, while we stare out the window day dreaming. I always feel like I am a busy person. Like there is so much to be done and no time to do it. But really this isn’t the case, because at the same time I can look back at the last month, ask myself what I did and generally speaking the answer stays the same. I work. I sleep (minimally at that). I eat. I go dancing (some weeks more than others). Occasionally I will meet someone for a ‘coffee date’, you know those random times with friends that can make up such a large part of our lives. Or mine at least. Other than my times hanging out with Cheryl, if I were to lose my ‘coffee dates’ I would likely lose all of my social interaction outside work and church.
The holidays were pretty good. I have decided it really bothers me how commercialized Christmas is. How many people actually acknowledge it for what it is, a celebration of our Saviours birth. The importance of the event, the occasion that are the cause of it, are completely lost and forgotten by nearly everyone- religious and non religious alike. It actually almost bothers me to the point of total frustration sometimes, but that is old news with it already nearing late Jan. My brother and his wife made it home for Christmas from the States this year, so we had the whole family together for the first time (first time since my niece was born) and I believe our first Christmas as a whole in three years or so. It was awesome. I got to spend some one on one time with both of them, which was a rare treat and I really appreciated it. Outside of that it was just another couple of weeks. I worked straight through the ‘holidays’ I am in the hospitality industry after all...
As for what the New Year brings, that is a good question. I got a guitar, so I hope the New Year brings new musical talents. I hope for time to dance, the opportunity to sing, and the chance to meet new people, to make new friends, and to touch base with old ones. I hope to learn things, to make a difference, to have some unique experiences, and to enjoy my life. To travel somewhere I have never been, to try something totally new, to step out of my comfort zone every now and then, and to have a year that at the end of it, I can look back and smile in perfect contentment, knowing that I have lived it to its fullest. I know, who doesn’t want these things right? But even if I share these wants with others, it makes them no less mine.
Work is going alright. I am slowly getting more and more recognition as a manager, from staff, customers, and the other managers. I am beginning to receive more and more management tasks, more responsibilities. I quite like that part of it. And otherwise, life just is. Nothing new or exciting to report. No big plans for a trip (not yet at least, keep posted for anything fun like that).
Ok. Battery on my lap top is about to die. Good night, stay in touch, and try to make someone laugh today- really really laugh. Chao!

ps. I ate Japanese food and lived to tell about it, a pretty big feat for me!

Merry Christmas(ya ya, I'm a little late)

2007-12-28T01:27:00.000-07:00

Its hard to believe that it is over already. That somehow, another Christmas has snuck up and passed by.

My time in Calgary went pretty well. Although the store is short staffed and some of the staff is still undertrained, they were super friendly and I definitely enjoyed getting to know them. I can honestly say that I will miss the people there and look forward to going back to visit them. They were Fantastic (WINDEX!).

Coming home took a little getting used to. In numerous ways. First, I walk into the house(on Dec16) and there are Christmas decorations up. Christmas? Since when? I know, who would of thunk that it was coming whether or not I was paying attention. We didn't have decorations up in the restaurant, I hadn't decorated my room, I didn't even have Christmas music with me because I thought I would be home sooner. I hadn't begun my Christmas shopping. In otherwords, it was a little bit of a busy week trying to get things together.

Next different thing about life back home, less than 24 hours after I arrived back home after being gone for 5 weeks, my Brother and his Wife arrive from Denver. Now, other than the two short trips up for family weddings the last year and a half, both of which I was in the wedding party, and the week at family reunion where I definitely didn't get a chance to talk with them, I haven't seen them in almost 3 years! So it was super awesome seeing them and having the chance to get to know them a little bit.

The next day I go back to work. Well it turns out that I am finally getting crosstrained. Which means they are teaching me positions in the restaurant other than the Serving and front of house stuff. Awesome right? Well the thing is, somehow it feels like the reason they are throwing me in there is because they don't know what else to do with me. But its been almost 2 weeks of being home again and slowly I feel like I am finding my place again. I miss Calgary though. It might be time for a visit.

Finally, and what might be my biggest struggle with coming home, is the social adjustment. In Calgary I don't have much of a social life. Sometimes I hang out with the friends I am making on staff, but thats it. It is normal for me to go back to the hotel and sit around by myself, watch some tv, curl up on one of my queen size beds and sleep for as long as possible. While that makes it hard to come home, where I really don't have a social life, and not because of work(although I admit I blame my work) but just because... I don't really know why. Little desire to go out I suppose. It just gets frustrating because here it is not so commonly accepted and being home means being around people. I fear I am becoming a hermit...

Ok. So we had Christmas on the 23. Just worked out better for everyone. It was an awesome day for the most part. Church, lunch, games, gifts, games... Lots of family time, hanging out, snacks, great food, lots of laughter, and catching up. It was a ton of fun. We drew two names each this year and it was kinda neat to have some curiosity while opening a gift, wondering who it was from. My niece did an amazing job, she was such a good girl!

I got a guitar... Well technically I don't have it yet but we are going to go and pick one out real soon. Pretty psyched about that. I decided about 2 weeks ago that I want to learn and am raelly looking forward to it. I also got some Oilers stuff, including sweet tickets to the Rangers game next week.

But it feels as though I may be on Santa's 'naughty' list as well. Christmas Eve the brakes on my car went after the evening service. And late Christmas Day Night, my cell phone died. Add in to that my useless laptop battery(did I mention I bought a laptop?) and its been a very anti-technology week... Oh well...

On that note I feel like I should stop. I've been rambling for some time now. perhaps with this new laptop that I have owned for almost a week and a half, I shall blog more frequently, but we will see.

God Bless!

Haiti a no go

2007-12-07T22:40:00.000-07:00

So I have been talking to people about the likelyhood of my returning to Haiti in the new year. I had it in my mind that I would go in mid-late Jan and return late April. Well it turns out this isn't going to happen so much. You see, they are full-volunteerwise- for Jan and Feb. I really want to be back by early May, and I had my heart set on 3 months or so. Anything less would simply seem like not enough after believeing I could make it that long.
And so, along with this discovery comes a few things. I have to tell some people who were thinking of coming down to volunteer while I was there that I will not be there. I have to keep working at my job. And I have to try and figure out something else to do in the new year. I want to travel. I am 21. I have so much ahead of me yet in this life, but I am getting to that point where I might be ready to slow down, get a place, find a career or go back to school. That means that I have to try and get the travel bug a little more out of my system. Although I do wonder, can you ever be rid of the travel bug once you've been bitten? Me thinks not... in which case I have to tame it, quiet it. And make plans to go to New Zealand or Australia, Ireland or the Netherlands, Italy or Greece, Spain or.. you get the point. Most currently I am thinking the Netherlands. I would see about getting my duel citizenship, I think I am eligible(sp?) for that, and maybe find a really part time job while I am there. Finally learn some dutch. Maybe get in touch with some distant family. But that might not stick. We'll see, I have to figure out someother things first.
So I am a little bit bummed that Haiti isn't working out. Ok. Alot bummed. But I will try my darndest to make it back there anyways. Eventually. It'd be nice to make it before my kids are gone, but perhaps it isn't a reality. Or maybe it'll be just a two week jaunt. We shall see. Only time will tell.
Otherwise, I am still working in Calgary. I have a weeks worth (7) of shifts yet and then I am done here. For good? No idea. They hope so. Not because they don't want me around, but because like anyone, they don't want to keep the 'trouble shooters' around. They want to be self sufficient. Things are improving from when I got here am onth ago. That I will gladly admit. But I will miss it. I enjoy the overtime and the pay check yes, but it is so much more thanthat. I love feeling like I am making a difference. Like my being here is helping. Like people are enjoying my company, but also that they are learning from me. I suppse it is human nature to enjoy that, but that doesn't change that it is how I feel. I don't mind living in the hotel room. Iam becoming buddies with the front desk guy, the graveyard one. I am building friendships with the staff at work, and like always, just as they get there, I shall be on my way. But it was definitely worth coming down.
On a humorous note before I take off. I went to the country bar with some people last night. Now, when I go in Edmonton I almost always run into somebody I know, but I figured since Iam in Calgary, not gonna happen. So we hang out for an hour or so, we are dancing and I see this guy walking by. I look at him and think, huh, that looks like my cousin. A little while later I hear ppl singing happy birthday, to this guy I think is my cousin, and its the rright name. So about an hour an a half after I first see him, he is walking by and I grab his armand am all like "Hey! Hows it going? I haven't seen you in forever! WHata re you up to these days" etc. We talk for like 3 or 4 minutes and the whole time he is looking at me kinda funny. So we part and say goodnight. Well another 90 mins later, he walks up to me with a shot glass and says "Hey!Come have a shot!" I look at him a moment and ask him, "you didn't recognize me did you?" His answer, "nope. I had no Idea who you were"...You know you have a big family when!

My 'hotel'

2007-11-29T11:50:00.000-07:00

And once again I am back in Cow Town. Here for three weeks this time. Maybe I'll take a day off in the middle but I don't think I am going home. I hate winter driving and it just takes way to much energy.
Its been an interesting couple of nights. I got int otown Tuesday, just as my shift began. Well it seems that morning a water main had burst so the whole place had been closed and was just reopening. Our district manager is in town, we just rolled out a new menu, and one of the first things he says to me is, you have a hotel for tonight? Well ya, I tell him, the boss booked it a few days ago. So he says to me, well they are booked up and I don't have one, can you stay at your aunt's tonight? Now, staying there is not such a big deal. I already have a spare key and she doesn't mind, so I call her to let her know and go to work.
I finished my shift a little after oe, drive to her place, dig through my bags in the back so that I will have what I need for the night without bringing in my suitcases, its just for one night after all. I walk up to the house, unlock the lock, push the door, and it doesn't open. It seems, that after putting an extra blanket on the bed for me, and leaving a light on for me, she stepped outside for a smoke, and you know those privacy locks? Like they have at hotels, that you can flip from the inside but not open from the outside? Well she flipped it. So I try the other door, same result. Returning to my car, its nearing 2 in the morning and I am cold, I pull out my phone and call a couple of times. No answer. Now what?
Well I tell myself, I know people in Calgary, I'll just sleep on someones couch tonight. Well, when you are going through your phone at almost 2 in the morning looking for a place to crash, all of a sudden I didn't feel like I knew many people in Calgary...
I finally managed to wake up one on the girls I met in Haiti. She heard my text, called me, gave me directions, and I slept on the couch. She is my hero of the week for taking me i at 230 in the morning.
So then last night, my DM has his own room, I am off at 2 am, so I ask them to tell the Front Desk I will be there, just really late. Somehow, my reservation got cancelled and they call me at almost 1030 to tell me I am roomless again... So now here I sit after spending the night at my Aunt's, hoping tonight I can check in. Not because I don't like being here, but because I am sick of leaving my stuff in the car. The drive is way further. And they promise that while I am in town, they take care of the hotel, its one of the perks. So cross your fingers for me?
I have to run, meeting the Haiti gir for coffee in an hour and I think I hear the shower calling my name...

As the Time Goes By

2007-11-23T20:18:00.000-07:00

The keyboard at the hotel has officially annoyed me to the point where I hardly even use the computer there. For those who know me well, this is a huge admitance. I am adicted to Facebook, I love surfing the net, and when I have nothing better to do, I'll be on youtube or something else ridiculously pointless. But that sorry excuse for a computer has me at wits end... For now at least=)
I suppose in concurrence with that I should send out a thanks to my boss Matt, who while he will not read this, I still want to mention that he rocks. He lets me borrow his laptop to check my email and facebook while I am on my half hour break at work. Makes me feel important sitting in the restaurant looking at a lap top. It isn't alot of time, but it is some time and for that I am grateful!
Things are going pretty well this trip. The staff there is friendly and fitting in, being accepted as management and a trainer, and being allowed to be me while I work was quite the non issue. I trained a server, had some input on the training of a buffet runner, am contributing to the training of a relief manager, and there are apparently more to come. I get to serve every now and then, which I love and I didn't realize I had missed it as much as I have, because they are short staffed and undertrained, so having someone with experience on the floor (serving) is a really big asset. The staff has accepted me as one of their own, and honest to goodness it feels like I've been there for months, not just 11 days.
I am at home right now, but I am going back again. I start again Tuesday afternoon. I don't yet know if I will be headed down for one week, three weeks, or one there, one here, and one there... Hopefully I can figure that out this weekend but I have alot of things that I hope to find out this weekend.
And on that note, I've got to run. I am supposed to be unpacking right now(sorry Cheryl!) and getting ready to meet up with some friends for an exciting night on the town, Edmonton style! Take care!

Back to Calgary I Go

2007-11-14T14:44:00.000-07:00

I have returned to Calgary.
My boss approached me last week asking if I'd be interested in coming down to help out again. I figured that in the long run it would be a good experience, learn some new things, make some money, and have a change in my lifestyle. So here I sit, using the same old computer as 5 months ago. Slamming the spacebar because it sticks and doesn't work very well.
In a sense I am looking forward to my time here. Like I said, I will likely have the chance to learn more aspects to managing, and having the chance to learn under different people will broaden my knowledge base. Making this trip again says to me that I must be doing something right because would they send me if I wasn't doing a satisfactory job? Ok. So maybe they would. They need bodies down here. And energy. And hardworkers. If nothing else I know I can do that.
I am bored though. I've only been here for two days and I am bored already. The last few times I have been to Calgary, there was a special boy here to meet me, to spend time with me, to enjoy the company of. This time, it is just me. I know a few people but just like at home, my schedule is all over the place and that makes it hard to make plans. So it looks like I will just hang out in my hotel room, watch alot of CMT, CSI, and Friends, and maybe read some books.
I don't know how long I am down for. Whether it is for a couple weeks or longer. Originally they told me two weeks, but they said that bother other times as well, so I assumed longer. Well upon my arrival, I found out that one of the managers here is going on a 3 week vacation in a week and a half, so I will not be surprised if and when they ask me to stay longer. But who knows really.
Ok. On that note, I am getting seriously fed up with this keyboard, my hands hurt from slamming the space bar every second, so I am going to take off. I know I've been slacking in updates so I will try to do better. Thinking about going back to Haiti so I can talk all about that right? Not like I would ever run out of things to say...

Am I glad to be home?

2007-09-20T23:03:00.001-06:00

One of the biggest questions I have dealt with since returning to Canada is the seemingly basic "So, you glad to be home?". It is a question that can be answered so many way and in keeping with my recent desire to really enforce my own honesty, I try my best to explain my answer.
The answer to it is split. Yes. I am glad to be home. Home is where the heart is. It is where you can walk in and feel comfortable, knowing you have a place there. It is where you are loved, where you are accepted, where you are known and welcome without questions. So yes. It is awesome to return to home in that sense. To see all those who matter to me again. To slowly begin to catch up with those I didn't manage to keep in super contact with while I was in Haiti. To hug those around me and have them understand that, that is who I am. A hugger. To be in a place where I know my place. It is nice to be back to the familiar.
But at the same time. No. Not no I don't want to be/am not happy being home, but no I am not glad to be home because it means that I am not in Haiti. And wow do I miss Haiti.
It is strange to be here and look at my life from before. At the things that were in my life. The people that surround my life. I look at it all now and think that is has changed. It is all different.
Except that it isn't. It is exactly the same. It is simply my outlook that has changed. How I look at things around me. How I look at my life. How I understand and see people. How I look at myself.
I am not going to sit here and claim that who I am is different and that Haiti has changed everything about me. But I can sit here and tell you it has changed my perspective in alot of ways. It has me thinking about things from new angles. It has me challenging the things in my life.
When I left for Haiti I thought I was happy with my life. I was content, I had friends and a boyfriend. My health was good, I was enjoying my job and was advancing in it. Life was going pretty well. While I was there, I got a bit of a surprise to discover, after much personal reflection time, that I wasn't happy. Ok, I was doing what I had to do to get by. But I was getting by with the bare minimum. I wasn't Living my life. I was Surviving it(Just went to a Church retreat, so lots of thought from there to. It was an amazing weekend with fantastic speakers). And who in their right mind wants to simply survive life? I realized that I was in a rut. I was sitting there, in my comfort zone and coasting along without any effort.
Coming home with that realization is definitely an eye opener. Everything I do, everything I say I know think about a little more. I analyze it afterwards, I think about it and just try to figure out if what I said or did was the right thing to do. If it was who I want to be.
I am tired of my rut. But the question from that becomes, am I willing to do something about it?
I want to. But will I? The joy of life is I have no answer for that either. Just like I have no answer for pretty much every other aspect of my life... Got to get myself a 'univeral remote' like Adam Sandler does in "Click"
Ok. Thats all for now. I have to post this and read it over a few times. Think about it all again. Take care! Hope life is fantastic and phenomenal!

Back to Reality

2007-09-20T22:02:00.000-06:00

Home again.
Ok so I have been home for over a week now. Slacking off again. It seems I tend to do that more often when it comes up updating this.
In other words. Yes. I made it home safely. Uneventful for the most part. Hour from Port au Prince to Fort Lauderdale. Made the customs man helping me laugh and had him socializing for a bit. 6 1/2 hour lay over. Met some man named Robert. If everything he said is true, he is unquestionably the most fascinating person I have ever met in my life. Heck, even if some of it is true he is right up there! Just over 3 hours to Toronto. Had the Custom persons talking a little bit(I enjoy getting them to be friendly. Usually they scare me so I suppose I was facing my fears. Or something. I don't know really. It was along time ago). Landed at 10pm. Now here is the fun part. TEN HOUR layover. Yep 10. Couldn't check my luggage, everything was closed. So I sat it on a cart, sat on it during a couple phone calls, and spent the rest of the night fighting to stay away. 4 hours to Edmonton. And bam. Reality.
Been busy since being home. Or it feels like I have been at least. Just got back from 3 days in Calgary. One of those cases where although the time spent is nice, it just isn't enough. Hate those cases. Seen a bunch of people. Feels like I have seen everyone I know but mostly that is just because it is so strange to know people here. Really hasn't been that many people. I've been home for 8 days, 4 of those I was out of town. Doesn't leave alot of time...
Before I start talking about what it is like being back, which I think I shall do in a seperate post, simply to keep the two random rants seperated, I want to send a message out to everyone reading this. Who did read it while I was in Haiti. To be honest with you, until I got home I wasn't even sure one person was reading it. I truly felt sometimes like I was writing to oblivion. Since returning home I have heard otherwise from numerous people and I really really apperciate the support. It may seem like a small thing, but knowing people cared enough to read my random post is definitely a good feeling. I am sorry I didn't post more often. Learn for next time eh?

Life as I know it

2007-09-05T19:38:00.000-06:00

So I return home in less than a week. It is hard to believe that it has been that long already. It is amazing to me how the first three weeks felt like months but the last three have flown by... Ok, maybe the first 4 weeks felt like months- being sick wasn't exactly a cake walk. But I suppose I expected it, that the second half of the trip just slips away right before your eyes.
I've been thinking alot about how life here relates to life back home. Thinking about the little things and comparing them. And there are differences that you would perhaps not expect.
Of course there is the language barrier. It is impossible to miss the fact that my english does me little to no good here. My Creole is minimal and my French nearly non-existent. It can be difficult not being able to understand a thing that people say to you. However, like I told a fellow volunteer today, if I had wanted to understand I would have gone to an English or Spanish speaking country.
There is the Race factor. It is something that we have to deal with while we are here. I couldn't tell you the number of times men have told us they love us, or that we are beautiful. We are white women. Therefore, they notice us. Children call after us yelling "Blanc! Blanc!" (White! White!). You can feel eyes on you where ever you go.
The food was less of an issue than I expected it to be. Lots of rice and bananas, but that is no surprise. It is not particularly spicy or unusual. I eat it without an issue so that alone says alot!
Electricity. Haitian electricity is less than reliable. From what I understand you can expect it for a few hours a day, and what hours usually varies. Generators are a very well used machine here. The generators run, and in the process store p energy in a collection of car batteries which are used to smaler watage of power when the generator is off. So if you want to do laundry, or take a shower, you have to first make sure the generator is one or there is not enough power, or no running water. Its a little strange when you wake or get home and your first though is, I wonder if we have power tonight, or if I am reading by lamp light.
Running water. Like I mentioned, if the generator is off, the water doesn't run. It takes some getting used to, remembering to listen for the generator before you plan to shower. Not being able to use water to wash your hands- hand sanitizer is a hot commodity as well.
Regular plumbing. Ok. That sounds worse than it is. We have indoor plumbing, don't get me wrong. But there are rules to make sure we don't lose that plumbing. Nothing gets thrown in the toilet, not even toilet paper. Takes some getting used to to put toilet paper in the garbage can. The toilet at our apartment doesn't flush right now so when it has to be flushed(which is NOT after every use), we have to bucket flush. When the electricity is out- bucket showers, hand washed laundry, and bucket flushes.
The water. You absolutely can not drink the water here. Which takes more thinking than you might figure. Ok, don't fill a glass from the tap. But there is more to it. Doing dishes requires making sure there is bleach in the rinse water. Brushing your teeth you can't even rinse your toothbrush under the tap. In the shower you have to make sure you don't open your mouth. When baking you have to be certain that you take any water used in the reciepe from the water jugs.. Like I said, it really makes you think about all the little things you use water for. If it is an option between a little extra work for clean water or getting sick(what we've dubbed Haitian Happiness), you tell me what you'd pick... Remember, the toilet doesn't always flush.
Getting sick. Not something you really plan for, something that you really hope doesn't happen. But when you get sick here, you have to deal with it here. Trust me, I've been there. It is not a fun scenario.
Driving. Driving here is qute the experience. There are few noticible road rules. I've seen stop signs 4 times(and 3 times it was the same one). No traffic lights- pointless as the electricity isn't reliable enough to run them. Paved roads are few and the ones they have are nothing like what we would deem high quality. Pedistrians definitely do not have the right away, they have to move and fast. Honks of the horn are to simply let people know where you are as much as they are to give someone heck. No lines on the roads, no grid for how they are set up. If you get car sick, Haiti is not for you.
Safety. For the most part, Haiti is a fairly safe place to be. However, considering the country's history, being outside the compound when it is dark is not a good idea. So, when it is dark at 6 30, we are already in the gates, which are locked, and we don't leave again till morning. This takes a little bit of getting used to considering at home we have the freedom to do as we please and come and go as we see fit.
There are probably more difference, but I can't think of them off the top of my head. But I hope this does a little bit to better let you imagine life here. It is a good time and you get used to the differences in the long run. You have to and they aren't so bad as they could be really.
As I prepare to leave you and start getting ready for bed, I leave you with a did you know...
Did you know that Banana trees only produce fruit once?

Psyc Evaluation Day

2007-08-30T17:20:00.000-06:00

So we took a few of the kids in for their evaluations today. What happens is before a child can be proposed- which is what they call matching the children here to an adoptive family somewhere- they have to have certain paperwork finished. Blood work done, psyc evaluation done, etc. Today, we took 4 kids in for their psyc evals.
Now this may seem like a fairly simple task, but lets walk through it. 4 kids. The oldest is 25 months. There was also another child going to the eye doctor. So on the ride down the mountain, we have 5 kids being held by 3 of us, 2 volunteers and a staff member. There is no such thing as car seats in Haiti, that is why they bring us volunteers along. 3 of the 5 kids have never been in a car before. Have you got any idea how scary it is getting into a car with the knowledge that it is not only possible but probable at least one kid will be throwing up. Car sickness, motion sickness, nerves, basic fear.... Who knows. So you climb into a car, take note of where the barf bags are(literally), remind yourself that the kids all have an extra set of clothes in the bag. Mentally smack yourself for not bringing your own change of clothes. THen we begin our trip down the mountain.
It takes a while to get down the mountain. There are big (big by Haitian standards) Mack trucks rumbling down the road. It has no lines, there are pedestrians everywhere, the tap taps(Haitian bus system, I think I explained them in a previous post) stop whenever a passenger tells them to, the road is curvy, and it is not by any means paved and groomed to North American standards. There aren't road rules like there are back home, if you are passing, give a coulpe toots on the horn, I've yet to see a speed limit sign, and have counted a total of two stop signs in the month that I have been here.
So we make it to the doctors office with no major incidents. No sick kids, which is in itself pretty miraculous, and they are all in fairly good moods.Our second daunting task. Now we have to take 4 kids into a waiting room for up to two hours. One at a time the staff member takes the kids in while we keep the others entertained. It is amazing what you can find for a child to play with when options are few. A pair of sunglasses, a hello kitty off a back pack, and single toy car manages to keep 3 kids entertained and happy. After sitting there and managing those three without an issue, hardly even a temper tantrum, I feel like I can handle anything!
The evaluations went really well. Amazingly well. One of the kids is my little guy that was sad with life and not doing so well when I first arrived. Well since then he has blossomed and he passed with flying colors! I am super excited because now maybe there is a chance that he will be matched with his family while I am here! So amazing!
The trip back was a little tricky as it was nearing lunch. We pulled out bottles and by the time we pulled in the gate, we had 5 sleeping babies and a very successful day!

Here are some photo album links
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=5840&l=3fff0&id=509833092
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=5803&l=145c4&id=509833092
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=5386&l=b78d1&id=509833092
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=5188&l=a19d9&id=509833092
Hope that works

Templeton- my rat

2007-08-28T16:24:00.000-06:00

I saw a rat.
That is pretty much all I wanted to say. I was sitting on the computers last night and a rat ran by. It is the first time in my life that I have seen a rat and I thought it was blog worthy. I have decided to call him Templeton (Charolettes Web anyone?).
Things are good. I have 2 weeks left and that is really soon. Hard to believe I've been here for a month already! But its all good. Dinner bell went so I got to get going. Have a great one!

From the sickbed of Laura

2007-08-26T17:45:00.000-06:00

I just experienced what was quite possibly the longest 5 1/2 days of my life.
During the day on Monday I had a headache and felt naseous on and off all day. We played cards in the evening and it began to go downhill. By the end of the game I was asking what heartburn felt like, what allergiest felt like, what asthma felt like. I had a pain in my chest and it wouldn't go away. So we go up to bed, I essentially collapsed onto mine. That was it.
I started getting hot and cold flashes. I was freezing cold, but my skin was burning hot to the touch. Turns out, I had a fever. By Tuesday morning my temp rose to 102.8. Needless tosay, by Wed night, when my fever finally broke, I was exhausted. The last 3 days were recovery.
Being sick left me with no appetite and not eating much(which, if you know me at all, is not like me in the least) means I didn't have alot of energy. So complete was my exhaustion that if I sat for more than a minute, I would start to sweat or even simply collapse back to my pillow. The thought of going down the the kitchen usually resulted in my curling up in a ball and taking another nap. When I did take the effort to make the short walk down, I'd stop in the living room on the way to rest, and the first thing I'd do in the kitchen was put my head down to rest.
Wednesday morning I started taking Ceftin. It is a broad spectrum antibiotic taken twice a day for 10 days. So I take my doses Wed and feel super naseous. I found out Thursday that it needs to be taken with food. Or you'll get sick. Opps. Well at least that meant I had to eat at least a couple meals a day. Even now just the thought of the pill makes me naseous. Friday, I was talking to Molly and she tells me that Ceftin dehydrates you. So the fact that for two nights straight I had been waking up throughout the night with a completely parched mouth. Normal. Needless today, I started drinking more water.
Now. All is well. I don't have my usual energy back yet, but that really doesn't mean much. I have some energy, and this morning I woke up hungry for the first time in almost a week. Definitely back on the upswing.
Home in 17 days. Hard to believe I've been here almost a month already.

Good day

2007-08-19T14:17:00.000-06:00

Just figured I would send in a quick hello.
The hurricane turned out to be rather uneventful in our area. Apparently when they told us that it wouldn't have much of an effect this far into the mountains, they weren't kidding. First, from what I understand, Dean did not progress into a category 5, it remained a category 4. This is still a really large hurricane, simply a little smaller than they had predicted.
After all of our preparations to put things away, and 'hurricane proof' the area, I suppose I had expected more. However, it is best to be prepared and it is by far a better thing to get less than expected. We had som e fairly serious winds and rain throughout the night, both of which are still happening on and off, but otherwise we are finished with this hurricane. We have beat the threat =)
No major plans for this week. Not yet at least. There are 3 volunteers leaving and I have no idea if any are arriving. I shall keep in touch. Have a great day!

Hurricane Image update

2007-08-18T18:45:00.001-06:00

So Haiti is within that colorful mass. The eye is apparently passing even closer than we expected, but so far we have not got any side effects. We have hurricane proofed as best as possible and are braced for it as best we can be. Check out this website http://www.wunderground.com/tropical/tracking/at200704_sat.html if you want more information. Thats where I get most of my information!
Take care! If I don't give more updates, well it is because we lose the internet when it is cloudy, so don't worry. Talk to you soon!

Hurricane Dean

2007-08-18T10:09:00.000-06:00

This is the first, and quite possibly the only, time in my life when I will be able to come onto my blog and tell you that we are expecting a hurricane to hit in the next 24 hours. If you have been watching the news, perhaps you have heard of Hurricane Dean. It is roaring in from the Atlantic Ocean at 17mph, it has claimed three lives so far, and although people who have already been hit are claiming surprise that the damage wasn't worse, it is about to be upgraded to a Category 5. THat is the biggest of all hurricanes. The worst. Winds more than 150mph. And it looks like we will catch a piece of it. Here is a satellite picture of it. I got to go swiming now!

Bon soir (Good afternoon)

2007-08-15T17:37:00.000-06:00

I know. I've been slacking off and not writing anything. I am sorry, go figure that happens right after I claim that I am going to start writing more often. But, I will try to fill in a little bit.
Things here have been going alright. On Saturday a few of us went shopping in a market. They markets here are nothing like they are in other countries I've visited, I suppose mostly because the tourist industry is almost more legend then anything as far as the Haitians and sellers are concerned. When we get to the 'market', we parked half on the side walk, half on the street, its simply the Haitian way, and 7 white ladies get out of the jeep. Needless to say, even though it was the smallest market I have ever seen, they were all very happy to see us. They followed us from area to area, everyone has "the best deal" and they nicknamed themselves Mr. Cheap, Mr. Liquidation, etc. It was pretty funny. I've never been hounded so much before though. Took some getting used to. But it was fun. We then had lunch at a hotel, moved to another little store(expensive!) and then ICE CREAM! It was made from Haitian Vanilla, which is way different than the stuff back home. It was awesome!
Sunday three of us took a tap tap to the look out point. A tap tap is the Haitian equivalent to a city bus. It is, literally in some cases, a truck with a couple benches in the back. They drive certain routes on the main roads, you simply lift a finger to get in, and say "Merci" to get off. It costs about 30 cents American. Somehow us three girls managed to get off on the right stop(despite me forgetting the name of the street) and then it was a long hike up the mountain. The view from the top, totally worth it. And we got more shopping in, once again, being followed around by all of the merchents. A pretty interesting experience in all.
I got a new little guy on Monday. He is healthy, happy, and really really chubby. He already has a family lined up and I get to help him figure out how to sit and stand, if I'm really lucky maybe walk abit, but I'll be thrilled with the first two choices as well. Power was out when we got back to the toddler house, so we brought water up from the well to get ready for up to a week of no power. Luckily, the generator got fixed so we do have power, but it was an interesting near hit.
My other kids are all doing pretty well. I think they are really starting to get used to me and warming up. My little two year old is doing exceptionally well. I can now get some kisses and hugs out of him and have had him laughing and smiling sometimes. He is interacting with other kids and the other volunteers, so I am really excited about that.

I am going to work on putting up some photo links on the blog page, otherwise pretty soon I will post a couple more as a note. Hope all is well witheveryone. I'll write a little about life here, not the day to day happenings, but the things that make Haiti different, soon I hope.

Immediate Prayer Request

2007-08-09T16:44:00.000-06:00

I have an immediate need for prayer. For two of my kids here. There is good news and bad news in concern to these two little boys.
Good news first. My two year old came off his IV on Sunday. He was still upset and sad, but yesterday we had him laughing, smiling, babbling, dancing, interacting with the other kids, and even eating on his own. It was a complete surprise to see that side of him because usually he just sits around looking at those around him with a blank stare. It goes to show that with enough prayer, anything can happen. However, today he was a bit more back to his 'normal' self. Although he was sitting on his own quietly, I saw him smile only twice and the 3 hours that I spent with him, he ate nothing. Please help me in a prayer of thanks for yesterdays break through, and in a prayer to lift the saddness covering his poor little heart. It is heartbreaking to see him when he is sitting listless, emotionless, impervious to the world and I really hold the little guy dear to my heart already. He feels the same way, as he has taken to calling me 'momma' (Hey mom, your a grandma again=) )
The other little boy is 4 months old and came to the orphanage very malnourished. I would be surprised ifhe weighed an ounce over 7lbs. They have been trying hard to help him gain weight and strength but all the efforts are not sticking. He spits up his bottle and just can't stand on his spindly little legs or hold up his skinny little neck. A couple days ago I got another reason to be concerned about him. He caught a cold. A raspy little cough that shakes his entire little body and looks like it could break a rib. It has gotten progressively worse over the last couple days until earlier today, he went into respitory distress. One of the other volunteers is a nurse back home in the states, so she now has him hooked up to an IV and in an oxygen mask, but he is not doing well. Every time I have popped my head in to check on him, he has been crying and coughing so much. I really wonder how much such a little body could take. He also has taken a spot deep in my heart, and the very thought of losing him literally rips me apart.
So if you don't mind keeping these two little boys and the nurses and nannies that are caring for them. For health and happiness, for patience and strength, for love and peace. I would really apperciate it!

Pictures

2007-08-09T11:38:00.000-06:00

Here are links to a couple of photo albums with pictures from my time in Haiti so far... I hope to put links here for any photo albums I add..

Haiti- part one
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=3848&l=3de64&id=509833092

Haiti- Day at the Beach
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=3789&l=9da7e&id=509833092

When I find some more time I will add more photos, heaven knows I've got enough of them! I will mention t hat although I can post pictures of the kids, I can not post names, so it isn't an accidental omission, and there are many kids, about 170 or so between the two houses.
Take care! Enjoy the photos!

Life as a Haitian...

2007-08-06T16:47:00.000-06:00

First I am going to blame any and all spelling mistakes to come on the fact that the computer I am using, the backspace key sticks. All of the keys stick a little bit, but the backspace is by far the worst. THat is my disclaimer for the day.

Now onto Life stories. My life story.
I am adjusting to life here fairly well so far. It never ceases to amaze me that I have not even been here a week yet, really its only day 4 or so. I feel as though I have been here for months already. It is as if the life here, the system, the schedule, the work, has been something I've done all my life. WHen really, I have yet to have a full 8 hours with my kids. Strange how that may be.
So far I am surviving without an issue. I am eating the food, trying things that normally I wouldn't go near. Papitas (a dried out and salted banana slice), meliton(some vegetabl;e), acra(a root... I think it is a vegetable but i told them to let me thing it is just a root so that I wont admit I quite enjoyed my fried acra), and lots of rice are the first things to pop into my mind.
The accomadations are pretty well as well. I am staying at the 'toddler house'. There are two rooms for volunteers there, one has 5 beds, the other 4(they are bunks). Then a bathroom to share and the living room which consists of a couch, love seat, and chair along with a tv and a computer(for which the internet does not work unfortanately). The 'main house' is about a 20 minute walk down the mountain, or a 8 minute jeep ride. The roads are steep, poorly paved at best, and riddled with potholes, so walking or driving, it is always an adventrure.

I have 8 kids assigned to me. They range in ages from 2 months to nearly 3 years. A mixture of boys and girl;s and all levels of development. I have a couple that will require a little more work. One is about 4 months old and is quite possible smaller than my niece (who is about 6 weeks). He came in malnourished within the last couple months and is one of the tiniest babies I've ever seen. So I am to do alot of work with him in an attempt to strengthen his skinny little legs and his wobbly little neck.
The otherone that will require some extra work and time on my behalf is about 2 and a half or so and has been here for only a couple of weeks as well. When he got here, he had thrush around his mouth and because of it he wouldn't eat or drink anything. Also, his being admitted here was very hard for him and he has sunk into a depression. When I first met him on Friday, he was on an IV to get nutrients because he wouldn't touch food.He was listless and hardly moved when I picked him up. I could do nothing but sit for an hour with him, right next to his crib, and the whole time is just lay there, like a wet noodle, with little to no realization that he ws being held. I talked to him, sang to him, and my heart broke a little more each time I looked into his sad little eyes. I've decided my goal while I am here is to get a smile out of him. Well, yesterday, I guess the nurses had enough and they simply told him that he could either start eating or they would haev to put a tube down his throat so that he could start gaining weight, and he ate! He has come off the IV and is moving around mroe already. I took him for almost three hours today and while he doesn't the energy of your average kid, he did roll the ball with me, and cuddle on his own and play with a truck. I am absolutely thrilled and can't wait to keep working with him and am already more hopefull about getting him to smile!
Otherwise things are going really well. My kids are, of coures, absolutely adorable. I am allowed to post pictures after all, just no names, so eventualy I will put up a few photos, or a link to photos. I've almst been spit up on a time or two, and I am pretty sure today I got peed on, but all things considering thats not too bad. This morning we took picture updates at the toddler house and that required getting 75 kids changed, washed, redressed, given a sucker, and out of the room in little gourps and it was a gong show! But we made it through, with just three volunteers(Two are down with heat stroke from the beach yesterday, and the other 2 were already at the main house). So that was interesting.

I have struggled a little bit with homesickness, but nothing to bad yet. I am getting along with the other volunteers alright and making sure I can depend on myself as well as the girls who are there, three of them leave next week. I would expect that after a little more time here, especially if it continues to take so long for a day to pass and I keep the feeling that I have been here for ages, the homesickness will come. I', praying for otherwise, but wont be surprised either way.
I will try to post a little mroe frequently so that they wont be so long next time. But hopefully my thrilling dialogue meant you didn't even notice it was long =)
If I can add to my prayer requests, I wonder if you could pray for my 8 kids. I can't give you names, but you can call them whatever you want. In particular, I wonder if you could pray for the two little boys who are going to need that bit of extra, the malnourished, undersized boy, and the depressed, barely eating(but he is eating that is what counts), listless and lacking in energy boy. I already love the little guys and really hope that my being here will have an impact on their thus far short lives.
God Bless. Talk to you soon.

Bonjour- My first hello from Haiti

2007-08-02T17:01:00.000-06:00

1230pm-
So Here I am. In Haiti.I arrived without an issue. They tell me that the airport was quiet and calm today compared to normal, which means normally it is quite chaotic. There were UN guys all over the place, and ppl trying to help me everywhere.
But, while waiting for my bags, I ran into a lady and her son who were adotpting from Gods Littlest Angels and were on their way as well! So, I had someone to walk through the chaos with.
The house is overwhelming. I have not yet met any of the kids, have met a bunch of volunteers(all of whose names I don't remember). They all seem about my age, and sounds like a fair few are from Canada and the States. So that is pretty sweet.
I"ve already made it through my first meal. Haiti food. Not sure what it was, rice and meatballs I recognized, but I ate it, and lived through it. GO Laura!
On that note, the other girls are waiting for the computers and I need to go get a tour and meet the kids(!!!!) So take care, I made it safely, I'll stay in touch! (It does seem like getting online will be alot easier than I had figured it would be).

6pm-
So I got my tour. Met some of the kids, not 'my' kids yet, she is still working on that list. Tomorrow morning I start my days of working an hour a day with 8 assigned kids. Most of the work to be done is simple developmental stuff, holding them, hugging them, cuddling them, helping the older ones to sit up, stand, walk, roll over, crawl, and the even olderones, playing, helping them with their motor skills, manners(like cover your mouth, don't bite), taking them for walks... That sort of idea.
We just had supper, another Haitian dish. I admitted to them that I am a picky eater but I also told them that I plan on trying most of the food here. If not, there is always PB and J.
Taking a fair number of pictures, not sure how many will make it online while I am here, but I will have tons when I return, so if you want to see them.... just let me know after I am back.

So far it feels better being here. When I was sitting in the airport this morning, in Fort Lauderdale, I was nearly a wreck. Mom was in a diffterent terminal, and it was 7am in Flordia, never mind Edmonton, but all I wanted was to talk to someone, to get talked out of my near nervous break down. But, because it was early, with no other options, I made do on my own, made it through(with minimal funny looks from other people using the airport), and so far so good.

I can do this. I can. I just have to remember to pray, keep the faith, and remember that there are many out there who are keeping me in their thoughts and prayers as well. I am looking forward to learning some Creole, some french, to trying the Haitian foods(yes, even to trying the foods), to meeting more people, getting to know them all, spending time with the kids and making a difference in their lives, to learning more about the Haitian culture, and to having a memorable time... Here's to a good 6 weeks!

Greetings from Flordia!

2007-07-31T18:19:00.000-06:00

Well the title says alot. Greetings from Flordia!
I arrived Sunday evening in Fort Lauderdale where I am spending three days with mom. She is on her way home from a work conference in Tampa, and I was on my way to Haiti, we figured, why not! Lets take a few days and have some sun and fun!
Things are going really well here, although I can't believe how much it rains! (Really, probably not that much, but it sure feels like alot considering I didn't expect any!) I have no space in my suitcases, which complicates things because that means I can't do any shopping, which is nearly miserable at times! But, thats ok, it is still fun.
Thursday morning I am off to Haiti and my nerves for that are growing almost hourly. I am excited, don't get me wrong, but I am nervous, scared, terrified, all of that. Good times!
Hope all is well for everyone. My time is up at the internet cafe so I have to go, next time I will try to give more details about stuff. Take care! Write you soon!

Less than 8 hours.

2007-07-29T00:28:00.000-06:00

Half packed.
Ok. Thats a terrible statement because really, after I fill the other suitcase I could discover that I must empty them both and try again. So instead perhaps I will simply say, I have one suitcase stuffed full, under 70lbs, pack tight with baby stuff. The second suitcase is a little smaller, it has less large baby things to go in, but must also fit much of my clothes and belongings. I plan on taking a fair sized carry on, but again, really hard to say if it my first run through at packing will be my last.
I should be finishing it right now, but felt I needed a break. Not that I have invested much time in it yet, I still deserved a break. Besides, Karter is online and this is likely the last time I will 'talk' to someone until I return(not sure about the availability of MSN while I am there, maybe I will be pleasantly surprised).
I think I am ready. At least I am pretty sure I have purchased almost everything that I need. Sounds promising, you think? But seriously, I think at this point, despite the fact I have yet to pack a single thing that belongs to me, most of my prep shall become mental. I know, I have 3.5 days in Flordia to work on that, but I'm hoping to get an early start... Ha! Ya right!
Ok. I can do this. I have to do this. I want to do this. I need to do this.
Here goes. The 8 hours till I am in the air countdown...
Pray for me =)

3 Days to Go

2007-07-26T12:05:00.000-06:00

I thought I was almost ready for this trip. One more time out to pick up donation items for the Orphanage and then spend hours packing and re-packing, trying to figure out how it can all fit into two suitcases and a carry on, without being overweight. Not that I am complaining, because in the long run, if I have to bring an extra suitcase then so be it. I have plans to spend a fair amount of money on donation items though. Thanks to a few annonymous donations to be used as such. Can't wait for that shopping trip!

Then yesterday, I get an email responding to a few of my questions about the trip. No tank tops or spegetti straps please... Uh oh. All of a sudden I have to go shopping again for clothes, because I definitely don't have many light weight tee shirts that wont make me uncomfortably hot in 35 degree weather. SO, I now have to go find some cheap, lightweight, shirts WITH sleeves, because if I go with what I got now, I am gonna need that one laundry load a week to be upped to two or three(not allowed, but theorhetically). So a-shopping I go. Makes me glad I didn't spend more than I already have on tank tops. Thats for sure..

I can't believe that in 72 hours I'll be on my way to Flordia. Heck, I'll be in the Toronto airport almost at this point. Doesn't seem real!

How do I feel? I am petrified. But that doesn't change the fact that I want to go. I really have no idea what I am getting into and the more I think about it the deeper my breaths get. The more focused I become on keeping my breathing even and slow. In and out. In and out. In and out. Then I meet more people who feel the need to remind me how dangerous it is in Haiti. Yes. I know that Haiti is dangerous and poverty stricken and right in the middle of the typical hurricane belt(if that is what it is called). Yes I know that I will be there in the peak hurricane season and that the fact I know no one there, the fact that I don't speak the language, and, lets face, I will stand out like a sore thumb with my white skin and redish hair(or brown, depends on who is looking). But there is a difference between me knowing it and other people reminding me of it. It goes like this.Some person"Where you going?" Me "To Haiti" Some Person"Haiti eh? Phew. Why there? Isn't it dangerous? Gun fights, civil war, hurricanes. I know someone who was there and they would have to spend entire days laying on the floor because of the gun fighting outside their building." Thanks. I think I'd rather not know. But that is my random vent of the morning.

Karter came to visit for a night. Hit up a couple 'touristy' things in Edmonton, if you can call them as such. Had a good time, it distracted me from the thought that I was leaving so soon. Sounds like I will be heading out to New Brunswick with him shortly after I return from Haiti. But nothing official yet. To hard to plan something like that with the trip not even started yet. But, thanks for visiting Karter:) Theres a pic from the Legislature grounds.

10 days to go

2007-07-19T23:09:00.000-06:00

I'd like to start by sending out a happy one month out to my wonderful niece, Kiera. I really can't believe she is a month old already!

I spent most of today over there, holding her. Getting in my time before I leave I suppose, because guess where I am headed tomorrow? Yep. Back to Dale and Mar's to spend a few hours there. Its a pretty good deal. I get to visit with Mar, hold Kiera, and feel like I am helping because it gives her company and a break. So tomorrow is focused on getting out of the house. Run some errands- random stuff, but so perhaps I can sit with Kiera while Mar does whatever she needs to do. I'm excited.

No more work for me. That feels weird. People keep asking why I wanted so much time off and I don't know. I wanted it so that I could do stuff, visit with people, maybe make a trip west, that sort of thing, but I am not so sure about the trip to BC anymore. Just feels like time is running out. We'll see.

The trip is really starting to come together. Picked up some more weather appropriate, modestly styled clothes for Haiti. Need a couple more shirts maybe because many of mine are borderline and not something to wear there. Otherwise I just have to pick up my over the counter meds, cold medication, tylenol, stuff like that for myself. And then I think I will be ready... Crazy thought.

Donations are really coming together as well. It is at the point where I am going to switch my focus to collecting items for the orphange. Things like mild soap, crib sheets, liquid tylenol and vitamins for infants, formula... that sorta stuff. I am collecting those things, and I am going to go out and spend a bunch of money on that stuff. My goal is to fill a big suitcase with donation stuff. Lofty goal? Perhaps. If all else fails, I'll buy diapers:) But seriously, they need this stuff more then I need the money that will buy it, so why not?

I am pretty nervous about the trip. Well in some ways I am. I'm sorry that I was reminded that this is going to be Hurricane season and Haiti is right in the middle of the Carribean. It's been a few years since their last serious one, but that isn't really a comfort. I'm worried that I really have no idea what I am getting into. But then I go and hold Kiera and I remember that it doesn't matter. I got love and I was called to do this, so it'll be ok.

10 sleeps... well 9 really because I highly doubt I will sleep the night before... Home stretch. I can now count it on my own two hands.

Take a deep breath Laura... A deep breath...

3 weeks and counting! My blog countdown begins

2007-07-09T01:22:00.000-06:00

Three weeks.. 21 days..
Ok. To be fair it is technically more because I fly out of Edmonton on the 29th. Off to Flordia where I meet mom for a couple days, so I suppose I should be counting for the 2nd, when I actually land in Port Au Prince. BUT, I leave for my adventure on the 29th and that is what I want to count down to.
Got my Hep A. Finished that for life. It is a needle and I didn't faint or get woozy or queasy or anything. Pretty pumped about that. Have Malaria pills. And 'broad spectrum anti-biotics'. Sounds scary more then anything.
I've only got 3 shifts left before I begin my leave of absence. Wednesday will be my last shift before my 10 weeks off. And by Wednesday night, I'll be in Calgary. Karter and I are going to Stampede on Thursday, and camping with Robin and Marty and maybe some other people for the weekend. Then, as I enter into my final 2 weeks, I have no idea what I will be doing. Maybe going to Vernon to visit my grandparents. If I do that, perhaps I'll continue down the road to the Vancouver area to say hi to a Joy there. We'll see. I have 2 weeks of no major responsibilities, so no stress about it. I hope.
I think I'm gonna miss my work. I really do love my job. Managing in Edmonton is so easy because of all the staff, and they know that I do know what I am talking about. Alot of customers come in, look at me, and call me over so that I can explain to them why I am wearing a managers vest instead of a red servers shirt. Then they ask where I've been and if I am back for good, so many of them end up hearing about the trip. I can't believe the number of them who have asked me to bring back pictures to share. Or how many tell me that they'll miss me. I know its work, but it's a neat feeling and its sorta like a really disfunctional family. I love it.
3 weeks. 21 days. Wow...

Gotta warn you, its honest and straight from the heart

2007-06-30T23:04:00.000-06:00

You ever get one of those moods where you are convinced that nothing could go right? A moment or a day in your life where you just know you aren't good company for anyone, especially those who matter to you. One of those moods where you feel like you've done nothing of importance in your life and its at that time that you realize that you really don't know what matters anymore. You don't know why you work where you do, or why you live where you do, or why you do what you do. You just don't know because the realization hits you flat on your butt, you really don't know what you are doing in life or why you are doing.
You know the mood. The one that sets in for no apparent reason and has you feeling like grabbing a 4 liter pail of ice cream, the biggest spoon you can find, a blanket to curl up under, a teddy bear to cling to, and the biggest tear jerker of a movie ever made because then if you cry no one wonders why. Or, as I read in a book one time, you want to grab a couple dozen eggs, go into the bathroom, and throw the eggs in your shower. (Stress relieving and practical for cleaning later on). Or maybe you are more of a doer and you just want to go outside, stand in a quiet place, and scream at the top of your lungs as loudly and as long as humanly possible.
We never talk about these moods, but they hit. Or they hit me, so I assume it is normal and other people get them too. No, I don't want to talk about whats bothering me, I don't know what it is so please don't ask, I wont tell you. I can't. I just figured with my trip to Haiti less than a month away I should really start practising my honesty. I want to give from the heart descriptions while I am there so I might as well start now. Get used to baring my soul to the internet where people may, or may not, read this and care... Not gonna lie. Its gonna be really hard to click post on this one.
The mood will pass. They always do, so don't worry. No one is home and typing this sorta made me feel like I was telling someone. I think I'll have a cup of tea and go to bed early(early for me at least). Be better by morning.

Less than a month till Haiti. I leave 4 weeks from tomorrow. Scary scary scary thought.
Have a good night.

First things first...

2007-06-29T01:28:00.001-06:00

I Ate Lobster.
To many of you this may seem like not such a big thing, but it is. Huge really for me. I don't eat seafood, vegetables, foreign food, oriental food... pretty much if it isn't something I am used to I wont try it. But Tuesday night, Karter and I were in Lethbridge for supper, we ate in the Water Tower, he had lobster and somehow talked me into trying it. After putting it off for most of the meal, FINALLY I try my little piece and it started out ok. It wasn't good, but it wasn't bad and I thought, well its better then I expected. BUT THEN all of a sudden, it tasted like it smells and that is a terrible smell so I think I have decided I don't like it. But I tried it. One battle at a time!
Went to Drumheller on Monday. Checked out the museum and a bunch of other tourist things, unfortunately we got rained and hailed on so we stayed in the car for the most part, but it was still a good time. Then sat on the beach at Little Bow Provincial Park for a couple hours before driving to Lethbridge for supper.
Here is are a couple links to pics from Drumheller, Vulcan, Little Bow, and maybe even from Lethbridge. Its my first time trying to use these links so if it doesn't work I am sorry!
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=3032&l=c1b8f&id=509833092
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=3033&l=0e376&id=509833092
Finished my last couple shifts in Calgary. Went ok, rather uneventful. I am back in Edmonton again, supposedly for good this time, but it still doesn't quite feel like this is where I'll be for the next month and a bit. They aren't sure where I fit in the Edmonton schedule, which sucks because that means I might not get shifts and wont make any more money before Haiti. I need to make a bit more to get my finances in better order. Pretty soon I have to start paying back my student loan, got to start paying my AHC, got to keep paying my cell phone and car insurance and gas, and in looking to move out I am sure my bills will just continue to climb...
Maybe instead of moving out I will go travel some more, get a job anywhere that isn't Alberta and find some cheap way to live... Not likely though... Oh well.
Saw my neice again. She is absolutely beautiful and if the links about work this time then I will attempt another one next time I post. Have a great day and remember to laugh about something, anything. It really does put you in a better mood.

Some random musings...

2007-06-23T11:46:00.000-06:00

First things first. I AM AN AUNTIE!!! I am really excited about it, in case you couldn t tell, and she is perfect. Her name is Keira Lea, she was born at about 1230 Tuesday morning, 3 weeks early, and weighed in at 6 lbs and measured about 49cms... She is absolutely beautiful and a part of me can't wait to return to Edmonton just so I can sit and hold her for a long time!
Haiti is approaching. In less than 5 weeks I will be in Flordia, bracing for my 6 weeks in Haiti. How do I feel about it? I'm absolutely terrified to be honest. I know I keep saying that it is something that I was called to do and something that I didn't choose so much as it chose me, but somehow that fact keeps slipping my mind and all I can think about is how dangerous the country is. How poverty stricken it is. How completely foreign to anything I know it is. How little I will understand of whats going on around me, because my little bit of Spanish sure wont help when they are speaking Creole(a mixture of french and African dielect). I am developing fears that perhaps I will get there, spend my 8 hours a day holdng the babies(as per my job description) and find out that my love for kids doesn't go as deep as I thought. What if I am not qualified for the job? I don't really have alot of experience with Kids.... Anyways. I am still going, I promise that much. I am just scared to death and ffigured I would voice it.
Calgry rocks. I got a suite this time for my hotel room. A king size bed with french doors seperating it from the sitting area. Both rooms have a TV and space. and If I have guests, the couch is a pull out bed... Its cool. Only 2 shifts left and then its home time. Bak to what, I don't know. starting to feel like I am leaving behind more of a life here than I left in Edmonton... Scary thought...
But on that note, I've got to get going. The boys are waiting on me and there are things to do. Sorry for the honesty of this blog. I figure while I am in Haiti I should be really upfront about what I am thinking so that it is really clear and paints an accurate picture. Time to start practising my complete honesty.
Have a good one!

Calgary part 8

2007-06-18T15:20:00.000-06:00

Home for a couple of days. Feels a little strange. Like I am visiting. Maybe it is just because I know it is just for a couple of days, who knows! Back to work on Wednesday morning again. It looks like it'll be through Sunday and then that's it. I think. Stopped by my own J a couple of times and it amazes me how different my attachments to each place are. Edmonton is home, I've been employed by the Flying J for two years as of last Thursday, thats a long time in my world to be working somewhere. But the Calgary J, I've helped with the open. I went in there, knowing what was going on, aware of what to expect, and left a part of me in that building. My heart is in that place because I had a hand in the beginning and that makes a difference to me. Strange, maybe, but thats the way it is.
Gonna be strange to come back to Edmonton. I've gotten so accustomed to being a manager that returning as a server just wont seem natural. I know I shouldn t count my chickens before they hatch, maybe I slip into serving again no problem and discover I missed it more than I thought and give up on ever wanting to manage, but in looking ahead I worry about the adjustment... Oh well. Only time will tell how it goes.
Two of my little brothers are graduating next week. Hard to believe that was me three years ago. Definitely not where I thought I would be at this point in my life. Not complaining, just not what I expected.
Here are a few pictures from the last few weeks.

This is at my parents surprise 30th anniversary. Three of the four Boskers girls, and our first niece or nephew.

In Banff near to Bow Falls

At the Cave and Basin in Banff National Park...

Calgary Part 7 (Part 2 volume 2)

2007-06-12T00:33:00.000-06:00

SO things are going awesome. I only have a minute because someone is waiting for the computer but I just wanted to add a little something. Went to the Zoo, did I mention that? It was super awesome had a great morning. During my 4 days off I went on an overnight trip to Banff with Carter, and we had an awesome time! Did a bunch of the tourist stuff, gondola, Cave and Basin, Hoo Doos, Bow Falls, made national news, climb partways up a mountin to check out a waterfall, sat by a lake or two... It was sweet.
Work is going alright. It is strange still sometimes to look at myself and see a manager. I don't really have any of the special training and so am constantly second guessing myself as to decisions I make, big ones and little ones, but it is still awesome. I love the atmosphere here and the staff is super friendly. Definitely glad that I returned to help out again for another month.
My sister in law, Mar, is due in less than a month, and I am sooooooo excited! Everytime I see a calender, my first thought is on how soon I become an Auntie. I Hope it isn't early so that I will be back intown bythen.
Haiti is also approaching alot faster than I know how to handle. I am really excited and nervous and everything, all at once!
But I really got to go. I'll write more coherently and less random brain farts order next time... maybe...

Calgary Part 1(Or is it 6?) volume 2

2007-05-31T01:24:00.000-06:00

So. Back in Calgary. Been here since Friday, started working Saturday. 2-12am shifts, everyday. On Monday coming up I will find out if I am taking/getting a day off or a few days to go home or what. Hopefully that will also be the day that I find out how long my stint here will be.
I am here as a relief manager this time. I was worried before hand, first because I have never officially been a manager before(I say officially because I was essentially managing last time I was here, just without the title.) Second because I was worried about how the staff would react to my return. Well, it seems that between my last visit here and my style of serving, managing generally feels like a baby step. There are aspects of it that are very different, I've worked 5 shifts and it feels as though I have been here for a month or longer. Dealt with alot of crap in those 5 shifts and I really hope that I can use my experience as a Flying J server to help things run a little smoother here. As for the second thing, no need to worry there either. The staff that knew me from before was happy to see me again, and the new staff hasn't taken long to win over. I listen to them. And try to help in all areas. Thats two of the big things I expect from my managers and it seems to please the staff here as well.
Otherwise keeping pretty busy as well. Still tanning(getting my base tan so that I wont burn in Haiti). Went to the zoo before work yesterday(It was AWESOME! Pics to follow after I return home). Went to the Calgary Tower(from Cool Runnings... you know, "Jamica we have a bobsled team") with the intention of going up it, but it was like 13 bucks! So I glanced at the shop on the bottom, took a pic from a block away, got back on the train and returned to my car. Going to meet my aunt for breakfast tomorrow... Going well, no complaints.
On that note, its 130 and my laundry should be done. Between that and the fact the space bar sticks and this is taking way more effort than I imagined, I am taking off.
Have a great night!

If you whine about it, it will change...

2007-05-25T16:17:00.000-06:00

So I post a whine about not going to Calgary, and what do you know. A couple hours later I finally get the phone call saying, so are you halfway there yet? I start tomorrow, mostly 2nd shift it sounds, but that is better than graveyards... So, just thought I would mention the change in plan.

Grr

2007-05-25T14:24:00.000-06:00

I would leave town by noon on Friday. That was the plan. I would get to Calgary with enough time to work a short(6-8 hour) shift, go to the hotel and on Saturday I would being my 10 hour days. Well. Friday at noon has come and gone. I am still sitting at home, waiting. I haven't heard from work yet and to be honest I don't even know if I am still going down to Calgary! Ya, they are short staffed pretty much all over, but in the last week, our store has lost 3 servers(2 were new so that really isn't to bad, just means we need to train someone else), a manager, and a kitchen staff member has essentially disappeared. No one has heard from her, no one can get a hold of her, or her family, and we literally have no idea where she is. So all of a sudden, the Edmonton store has gaping spots that need to be filled and my leaving for a month would just increase the difficulties. Therefore, my boss, Winnie, is 'working on' trying to figure out if it works and how it works. I've called twice already today, I called twice and stopped in yesterday(on my day off), I called and stopped in on Wesnesday(a day off), and while I worked the double shift on Tuesday, I reminder her a few times. Yet somehow I still have no idea what is going on! So frustrating!

On a brighter note, mom and dads surprise anniversary thing went amazingly well. They were super surprised, we had like20-30 people here, everyone seemed to have a good time. It was pretty awesome.

Here is a picture of my sister Shelly and I rubbing our Sister-in-law's tummy. She is due early July and is really starting to pop out. We are thrilled because that means we will be aunties for the first time.

Debit Card= GONE!

2007-05-23T17:34:00.000-06:00

Lucky me, I have once again managed to lose a lifeline. The last time was in Calgary, when my phone went on the fritz, stopped working, and left me without any phone numbers or way to get a hold of anyone for over a week. This time? My Debit card was eaten by an ATM today! So much for convienence and all of that stuff! And because it is a credit union card and I was at an ATB, they wouldn't replace it! No such a big deal except now I have to go all the way out to St. Albert, to my home bank, just to get a new card. TERRIBLE!
Just thought I would rant about that for a bit... I'll have a new card by this time tomorrow, but it still bites that I had to cut my errands short.
Have a great night! Enjoy the rain and thinking about eating some ice cream! I plan to!

From the desk of Smilely (which is me, Laura...)

2007-05-22T01:09:00.000-06:00

Off to Calgary again. I leave Friday morning for a month long stint at their location. Going down as a manager officially this time. A relief manager to be exact. Pretty psyched really because it is 10 hour days, possibly longer, up to 7 days a week. OT is anything over 8 hours/day or over 44 hours/week, so it could be an amazing oppertunity to put away some money. Pretty pumped about that. They are putting me up in the hotel again, which is cool to, I really don't mind living in a hotel. I plan on talking to my Aunt Pearl and maybe getting a key to her place about 15 mins from the hotel that way if I get really sick of the life, there is a house right there, ready and open for me to pop in. But we'll see how that goes.
Haiti is fast approaching. Very fast. I leave in less than 10 weeks. Or in other numbers, 67 days. I still can't believe that I am actually going to be doing this and am very excited, but quite nervous as well. But I heard an amazing little 'proverb' in church on sunday that I am really trying to focus on, "God does not call the equipped, he equips the called". Rather than worry that I can't handle it, I am trying to focus on not working on handling it. On simply letting go and letting things happen as they are meant to do.
Had a minor car incident the other day. Nothing serious, just cost me a little bit of money is all. Watched a near brawl break out at the bar, something that my friends and I sort of inadvertently started. A couple of my girl friends are regulars at Cook, so I've gone along a couple times in the last few weeks. When we are there we meet up with some cowboys and two step the night away. Have you ever two stepped? Like really two stepped? I haven't before this but now... its awesome. Its to the point that when I was at Oil City with some other friends the other night, I found the couple guys who could two step and asked them to dance. Sure makes a difference to the night when your partner knows what to do! I really recommend it.
Beyond that there isn't alot interesting. Since I leave in just a few days for Cow Town I have a ton of things to get ready and keep pushing them aside. Gonna make for a long couple days right before I go but thats all apart of life too right? Hope life is going well for everyone, take care.

A guest in my own home

2007-04-29T18:18:00.000-06:00

Well the unpacking has yet to start. I had a couple buddies come visit from Calgary this weekend so needless to say I've done nothing so far. My room is full, I can hardly walk and the fact that 75% of the time I find what I go in there looking for is pretty much amazing. To be honest with you, I am sleeping in the guest room right now because I just can't bring myself to deal with the mess in my own room... Not a good scenario!
But, tomorrow my sister is probably gonna come over and help me go through a bunch of things. Organize, throw out, donate, all of that fun stuff. Almost looking forward to it... Looking forward to knowing where everything is, thats for sure!

Moving Day! (Well, sorta)

2007-04-25T22:05:00.000-06:00

So moving week is more like it. The trouble with living close to campus is that I'd bring a couple items here and a couple items there so all of a sudden I have a ton of stuff in the apartment and it is gonna take forever to clean! Well, on the flip side, it also means I can take a few boxes home this day, and a few more this day. So I have slowly been moving out and all of a sudden today it was go time. My room in the apartment is empty but for my CD player, clock, and computer. Leaving the computer because then I have to come back tomorrow to clean and I wont cop out on it. My room at home? DISASTER ZONE! Not only do I have all the stuff that I randomly, and in an unorganized fashion, threw into boxes and bags and suitcases, but I also have all the junk that is still in my room that I kept telling myself I was going to go through sometime this year(didn't happen!)... Gonna be a long week.
I have to get home and start unpacking. At the least I need to empty my last car load and set up somewhere to sleep, but somehow I can't pull myself out of this apartment just yet.
On that note I am going to sign off and sit for a little while, in my empty and almost echoy room. Take some time out to remember the past 8 months and dream about what is to come for me in this summer, this year, this lifetime. What better time to reflect when you leave the campus of a school you wont be returning to...

Haiti

2007-04-20T20:27:00.000-06:00

Being home is great. I love having people around again(most of the time) and to return to having a social life was pretty sweet. Working only 40 hours a week now seems abnormally short, which is good because that sure makes work pass quicker. I took most of the last two weeks to adjust to being on regular, non graveyard hours, but am now pretty sure that I have returned, in whole, to life as an Edmontonian.
So my trip is booked! This summer I am going to spend 6 (SIX) weeks in Haiti! I will be volunteering at an orphanage where my job is to spend an hour a day with 8 babies. I will be living at the orphanage, eating there, working there, everything. I am super excited and quite nervous, but am looking forward to this trip with everything I have.
I fly out of Edmonton on July 29 and land in Fort Lauderdale Flordia for a 3 day adventure with mom. She just happens to have a work conference in Flordia at that time and so we get to meet up and have some time, just the two of us, under the hot Flordia sun. Then it is off to Haiti. I will depart Haiti for Fort Lauderdale on September 11(I had to do it), then its off to Toronto where I have a 6 hour overnight lay over before getting home at around 10 am on September 12(Dads bday!).
I have no idea really what I am getting into but here is a little taste of what I do know. Haiti is the poorest country in the Western Hemisphere, and one of the poorest in the world. Something like 75% of the country does not have access to the main urban centers. It is also one of the more dangerous ones as it has had abotu 80years of civil unrest. When I land in Port Au Prince(The capital, I am not staying here), I will be picked up by Orphanage volunteers accompanied by an ARMED GUARD! It is going to be ridiculously hot there and I will have to learn to eat food that I am uncertain about. Spicy food, vegetables, refriend beans, if they cook it, I will have little choice but to eat it, and for those of you who know me, this is no small task!
But I am excited. I still feel strongly that this is something that I have to do. Whenever I start to think about bailing out, I get this pull inside reminding me that sometimes we just have to do what we have to do. We have to get up, leave our comfort zone, and enter a world that is completely forgein to us. A world without cell phones, without daily internet access, without the luxuary of money to spare. Thats what I am about to do(in 101 days!) and I am scared out of my wits!

Calgary part 5(the conclusion)

2007-04-08T23:55:00.000-06:00

So I am home. For good this time. Or I think it is for good. They have asked when I will go back but I told them to leave me alone until May. Gives me at least a little time in my own restaurant and time to move out of the apartment and get life in order. All of that fun stuff.
I spent the week on graveyard shifts. 6pm-6am was my scheduled shifts. But it was ok. It is easier than I thought it would be to work over night and then sleep during the day. It also helped that the line cook on graves was awesome and quite possibly one of the best huggers I've ever known. Fun thing about the week is that I wasn't a server, or a server trainer on these shifts but a manager. With no official training, I was managing the overnight staff. And I think I did a pretty good job of it, seeing as when I stopped by my store yesterday to visit, the managers there were talking about the good things they had heard. So that is pretty sweet.
It turned out to be an awesome week. Got to know a bunch of the staff, while at work, and on smoke breaks, and they are pretty awesoem. I have no shame in saying that I am going to miss that store. Alot. Way more than I thought I might. Not sure I'd want to do another open, I think I get too attached to the people. I had thought saying bye to the other trainers was hard, but hugging some of those staff members bye literally had me in tears, not that it will be a long time till I see them again, but because I realized that the people that I had been spending nearly every day with were all of a sudden be 300km away. Not fun. But it was worth it. Completely.
So overall it was a really good time. I have a few minor issues with my paycheck, but with the help fo my GM it is being looked into. I plan to go back to Calgary sometime in the next few weeks to visit, a non working trip, and I look forward to doing so.
Heres to being home again. For however long it might be!

Calgary part 4 (I Hate Cell Phones)

2007-03-31T12:05:00.000-06:00

So back to Calgary. Got here yesterday, actually I had company for the drive again. I drove here with the son of someone mom knows. A 7 year old boy. I don't know if you have ever ridden with a 7 year old boy before, but it definitely makes for some rather entertaining moments.
Got into town, checked in to the hotel, dropped off my suitcases(I can already tell you that I wouldn't last long with this roommate. But thats ok, because tomorrow I get my own room), and off to work. I was scheduled 2-10, offered to stay until 12 so to get my 10 hours, and ended up clocked in till 2. After that I sat around there till about 3 30 or so and ended up at work for a rather long time.
Shift went ok though. I got to serve for a bit, got offered a spot on the staff again, numerous times, I found a few more huggers which is awesome in my world, and I think befriended a few of the staff. Like not just as, hey I am here for a week and need to pass some time by talking to people, I actually feel like perhaps there could be a chance that I could transfer to Calgary. Its not so bad (don't worry. I am anti-flames until the day I die, despite the best efforts of staff and customers here).
My problem right now? My cell phone. That stupid little thing that I live by. It is my watch, my alarm, and my only connection out of this place as I don't know any phone numbers without it! Yesterday, I was returning a phone call, heard him answer the phone and that was it. It froze and cut me off. So I take out the battery, return it to its spot, and try turning it on. Well the stupid machine that runs my life with such glee didn't even get past the first screen. It just sat there frozen, staring and me and daring me to fix it. Well I have tried to fix it, and I got nothing! I can not, turn on, my phone. This means no texts. No phone calls. No alarm clock. No watch. No pictures. NOTHING!
So I get up early and go to the Telus Store in South Center mall. (Early isn't saying much, early for me since I got home after 330). They imform me that they can't help me but maybe the other Telus Store in the mall can, so I go there. Well they told me that while they can send it away, it would cost a significant amount of money and could take up to a month to get it fixed. And, because I bought it at Radio Shack(No, not The Source, Radio Shack. Yes, I realize the Source bought out Radio Shack last year, but when I was buying my phone, Radio Shack was attempting to make a comeback. Since then, they have folded and from what I understand will not be returning.) because I bought it at Radio Shack, it would cost even more money to send it away. Off I go to find Radio Shack, ended up at The Source(which is where I discovered that the attempted comeback failed). Now the Source is no help to me because it doesn't deal with Telus, but, the third time is a charm and at least this guy got me a phone number to call Telus and try get help.
Call Telus from the hotel room. Go through the Channels and eventually get someone on the other line. She was friendly. That I admit freely, but beyond that, it was useless. She imformed me that I have to send it out for repairs via a cell store, listed a couple addressed and then I reimformed her I was in Calgary for the week which is my first problem. So she starts listing phone stores. I get a couple numbers of ones I think I can find, call them and discover that, go figure, as they are Calgary based stores, they can't get the phone back to Edmonton when it is fixed. Well, I don't know about you, but the thought of driving all the way here just to pick up my phone when it is fixed seems like a terrible idea!
So I now sit here, without a cell phone, for the first time in two years! For this week I need it, I live by text messaging while I am here, and now I don't even have that...
So my last 24 hours has been entertaining. I hate cell phones. And it is going to be the longest week of my life!
But how are you doing?

Calgary part 3(sort of)

2007-03-28T03:52:00.000-06:00

It is sort of because I am in Edmonton right now, but I still label it as such because I am not yet finished in Calgary.
Yes. I am home! It is an amazing but strange feeling to be sitting at my computer with a keyboard that actually works. We got into town at like 830 this morning and it was pretty sweet that I still had the whole day ahead of me. Its nice driving as the sun rises.
Met with my Aunt and Uncle, went over to their house for juice and cake. It was really good to see them again to. It has been a while and it was a lovely visit. The last couple of shifts have been uneventful to say the least. I helped cook last night! I made burgers, on my own, and I helped the cook make some breakfasts. I didn't know what was going on but there was not a single complaint so we did something right!
Just got home from a night of dancing at Ezzies with Cheryl and some guy friends. I really do love going dancing, and it looks as if the rest of my three day visit to home is pretty full already too. Name that Tune on Thursday and a few ideas for Wednesday. Gonna be a good trip!
Had my last ballroom dancing class tonight. The last class is actually next week but since I will be out of town I will miss it and that makes tonight it. I absolutely loved the class, you should all check out the U of A Dance Club, it is so much fun!(Right Kev? Marty? Cheryl?)
And finally I printed off a bunch of prices for Hati. Going to meet mom tomorrow for lunch and discuss when I am going and how it is going to be paid for. Between that, visiting work, and getting tax stuff in order, my day looks to be full already. I can't wait for Hati. Have I mentioned that?
Hope all is well with you all. Take care and stay out of trouble!

Calgary part 2

2007-03-25T06:48:00.000-06:00

Ok. So I only have a moment. It it 6 30 in the morning and I am just waiting for my laundry to finish and figured why not take a moment to update.
Things here are going pretty well. I just finished a week of more than 70 hours. Maybe a small number to some of you but for me that is alot. I have been working every day since last week monday(Which made the shift I just finished day 13) and if you take out my day of drive time on that Sunday, I worked the sat before and 4 other shifts that week. So in the last 3 weeks I am at 18/20 days of work. Good times.
I am settling in as a server trainer, it is still strange that I don't get to serve tables, but I kind of like that I have time to do more PR work. And when it gets busy they do give me a section. Makes for a good mix of things. The staff here is awesome, Its only been a couple of weeks but I am definitely going to miss alot of them and part of me almost wants to just stay here in Calgary, make my mark and all of that, but then I think to myself, "do I really want to be a Calgarian?" and the answer is obvious.
Tonight was one of my most nerve racking nights ever! Our graveyard manager(which is the shift I have sort of been working-6pm-4am) needed the night off, so it fell upon me to watch the floor, to manage the floor. I wore the vest and had the managers card and did so many comps, reversals, and walkouts that I am pretty sure they will never let me manage again. But at the same time, I calmed some angry guests and almost everyone left relatively happy, so it could have been alot worse.
Actually did some socializing this week. Nice change. Not alot, but hung out with a buddy(Hi Wiggles), saw my cousin, switched rooms into a KING SIZE BED in a suite with a 19 year old(rather than 45 in a double room), went shopping, and tomorrow(today) is lunch/breakfast with my aunt and uncle. Yay fun!
Going home for a few days this week and I can't wait! But I think I am looking forward to my return too. Weird. . .

Calgary Part One

2007-03-14T23:11:00.000-06:00

So. I am living in Calgary... sounds like a bad joke huh? He he...
Seriously though. I am in Calgary. My new home for at least the next couple weeks. I say at least because my DGM(District General Manager) has already mentioned the possibility of having me stay for a week or two beyond the original plan. But nothing there is finalized yet so we will see how it goes.
Thus far things have been nothing what I expected but everythin I have expected. I am the youngest of the trainers and this is made blatently obvious when they all begin to talk about their children, many of whom are older than me(the children) and grandchildren. It is times like those that I get quiet and sit back, because really what can I add to a conversation about my kids. Well, they are trouble makers and they are noisy, but they understand when its quiet time... doesn't work when I havn't got any! Quite frustrating at times. I've really got nothing in common with many of them. But we are getting along just fine.
As for at work. I am not postive as to why I am here yet. I am the gopher. If something small and random needs to be done, I do it. Mostly because I walk around asking for small random things to do. I am here technically as a buffet runner traininer, but since the restaurant hasn't even opened yet, we only need one trainer and the other lady is good. She knows all this stuff and I can't even pretend to know it, and both of us can only take so much of me shadowing her(within 3 feet so I can watch and learn).I can't jump in with the servers because they are so on SPEC (the corporate, 'proper' way of doing things) that I am embarrased. I don't know my spec so well, compared to the server trainers I don't know it at all. And do my jobs have been laminatior, name tag maker, finder of the label maker, price putter upper... you get the point.
Tomorrow I get to work with a waitress. She is brand new, missed alot of the training and is struggling with the training style of the other ladies so they asked me to try tomorrow, see if my style and personality make a difference in helping. I am just excited that I get to do something that I mostly know how to do! Sweet!
Tomorrow night is my uncles memorial. I spent Sunday night at the house and it was strange to not have him there. I have only been there once before(new place for them) but still it was odd to have their family without him. But it is for the better, now he can rest in peace, and the family can begin to move on and heal from his battle.
So I suppose I finish with what little hope I have left to not be bored out of my mind tomorrow at work
and
I leave with the memories that I have with the husband on my mothers best friend, my 'uncle' paul. I Would not be where I am right now without him and his understanding and listening, and helping me to realize that the year off right after Grad was right for me. I'll remember the time he actually stood there and counted out 300 chocolate chips for my cookies because I jokingly told him the number made a difference. I'll look back and laugh at the image of him and my aunt, along with my parents, drinking their wine, killing themselves laughing, and setting the fire alarm off time after time as they tried to cook lobster. I'll sit and treasure my last visit with him, not only the oppertunity to say goodbye in person, but the night where I stood in front of him singing as he used the strength he had to help my pick an audition song. Thank you Uncle Paul, for everything. I love you, and I will see you again someday. Rest in Peace.

Life as we know it

2007-03-09T02:29:00.000-07:00

warning: long post
Apparently my curiousity over whether I posted out of habit or as a procrastination methos has been proven. I don't post near as often and have therefore decided that last semester, my obsession with blogging was simply a means of putting of homework. Just thought I would share that...
I mentioned that I had become a certified trainer at work. I mentioned that means that I will be going to Calgary this month to help open. Did I mention that I am going on Sunday. In 2 days! Less! I still can't believe it! And apparently I am not training servers like I orignially thought, but buffet runners(those people who keep the food filled on the buffet). This is cool no problem except I had never even been trained on it, so I have spent the better part of this week being trained in basic buffet cooking and running. No problem, its actually kind of neat, after a year and eight months to learn some of the behind the scences stuff, except for that means I have spent a large portion of the week standing at a stainless steel counter, cutting stuff, putting it in pans, covering it with syran wrap, and putting on the rack. Then I would break something up, put it into pans, cover it with syran wrap, and put it on the rack. Then I would rinse something, put it into pans, cover it with syran wrap, and put it on the rack. Then I would... I think you get the point. The kitchen staff is nice enough, but they are also significantly older than me in most cases, and there is no music in the back. So I stand there, prepping, panning, covering, and placing, alone, in near quiet, with no people... For a day or two, no problem! For three? BORDEM! I am serving tomorrow and can't wait to see people. "Lonely" will no longer be my theme song.
Anyways, so Calgary will be pretty intense. 10 hour shifts, 14 days straight. I am nervous because I am going to be at least half the age of all of the other trainers, and that means I will walk in facing challenges that some of them wont face, but for the most part I am simply excited. I think this will help me to find out if I want to stick with this job for a while yet or not.

In other news, I am starting to figure things out with my life. Surprised? Cause you should be. I am shocked thats for sure. On the 1st I actually went online to apply for UBC Okanogan, but unfortunately I discovered their application dead line was Feb 28. Go figure right? But, there is always next year. What I have applied for is to volunteer. I sent in my application on Saturday(the 3rd) and got my response on Tuesday(the 6th). I have been approved to spend 6 weeks volunteering at an Orphanage in Hati. No joke. I will be assigned 8 babies, and my job is to spend an hour a day/5days a week, with each one of them. That is my job! I am super stoked and really can't wait! I can't even explain how excited I am, so to try and compare it, think about something that you have always really, really, really, wanted to do, but never believed it would actually happen. Find a company that offers it completely unexpectedly, apply within less than a week of finding this company, and get accepted within 10 days of discovering it exists. And so now, maybe you understand my excitement.

Unfortunately I now have some sad news. I have posted before about my Uncle who has been fighting brain cancer for the last two years. To recap, he was diagnosed a couple of years ago, went through treatments and came out of it fairly well. He went to check ups each month and was cleared for a while until finally they told him he was good to go for six months. Well in November, he started acting funny(this is around the time of Nov 20 post, When it rains, it Pours) and went in for a scan. They found 6 actively growing tumors and could do nothing to help him. It was a long 4 months of slowly failing health, until a couple weeks ago he had a really serious stroke and the doctors said he wouldn't make it through the weekend. Well he did, and a couple weeks longer, but he passed away yesterday evening. He went really peacefully and didn't have alot of pain considering, and the family is focusing on celebrating his life, rather than mourning this unavoidable event. They had two years to fill with memories and get in their goodbyes and he is in a better place now. That sounds so trivial.
I guess I post this just to remind everyone to enjoy the time they have and to really apperciate the ones they love. Make time for those that matter because someday, a day will come when you might regret not doing so. So cliche I know but I mean it.

Just to end on a happy note, I met 4 different friends, whom I havn't seen in a while, for coffee this week and truly enjoyed each visit. I love meeting up with old friends and catching up. Really need to do it more often. So thanks, Jessica, Lori, Lindsey, and Amy, for making the time to meet up with me. It was fun.

Off to Calgary I go!

2007-02-22T00:15:00.000-07:00

Been an interesting couple of weeks.
The weekend of Feb 9-11, Cheryl and I set off on an unexpected road trip to Calgary. The original purpose was for me to audition for Canadian Idol, but by the end of the weekend, the audition had become a very minor part of everything. We stayed at my Aunt and Uncle's place, remember my uncle that is dying of Brain cancer? That is where we stayed. Friday night consisted of hanging out and preparing for the audition Sat, my uncle helped me to pick a song and as I stood there singing for him I couldn't help but be glad that he could help me. Saturday started early, we were at the mall by like 7 30 and so began our day. Well waiting for the audition we met some people, a guy from Kings who was there alone(Hey Ken), some photo journalist students from SAIT and a couple of bartenders from Invermere. To say the least the wait was an entertaining one! The audition itself was uneventful, no I will not become famous on tv for singing, but if you watch the show you might see a clip of me dancing... the Birdie dance!(aka the chicken dance) Please don't ask, just enjoy the clip if you see it, and let me know if it does make it onto the show. That night we went to a pub with Ryan, Andrew and Christof, then back to the house where Cheryl Ryan and I just hung out all night. It was really fun. We had a blast of a weekend and were really glad we could go!
Beyond that I spent 4 days in a row sick in bed. Well crawling between the couch and my bed, at both the apartment and at my parents place. Then I spent a day barely moving off the couch because I was so drained of energy. Worst cold I have ever had thats for sure!
And now my big news, work. I have just received the closest thing to a promotion a server can get! I am about to get 'certified' as a trainer. What that means is that according to the Flying J I am a server who has been with them for a while, who does things properly, and who can handle the responsiblility of training new servers. While it does not come with a raise, it does come with responsibilities and a bit more recognition and a little more power(although a little more than nothing really still isn't much). The thing that I am really excited about is that included with my new responsibilities is the ability to help open new stores. and so, in March, when the Flying J opens its new location in Calgary, I will be there. I will be helping to train both servers and buffet runners. They put me up in a hotel, I will work a couple of 70 hour weeks and pretty much do anything they ask, but because of the 70 hours a week(that is 30 hours of overtime a week for those uninclined in math), it is monetary worth it. I am super excited and terrified at the same time, but look forward to it none the less.
And that is my life right now... pretty calm for a reading week that I had wanted to be in Mexico for...

Why is the ocean water salty?
Because if it were pepper water, the fish would sneeze!

hehehe.......

Just for Jess :)

2007-02-06T23:43:00.000-07:00

You demanded a new post so I now respond. First, in my defense, the internet here is acting up all over campus. More than 75% of the time we can't actually get online from our private residences, so I am not getting online nearly as often as I used to.
Ok, now that that is out of the way.
No, I didn't talk to everyone about going and maybe that is something to think about. It is strange that I can be living in the city, 20 minutes from where I grew up, and still forget that I know people out side of this little circle of University life, work, and church. Perhaps it is time to broaded my range of people I ami n contact with, but that is so much easier said than done. I might as well be 'away' at college, because that is honestly how it feels most of the time. But that is my one thoughtful tangent for the night.
Dance class is going really well, it is a beginners class and there is probably like 100 people or something in it, ages rainging from 18- like 65 or maybe even older. It is really neat because someitmes they make us switch partners and you can be dancing with people from all generations. Super fun! So far we have done the Waltz, Jive, Cha Cha, Quickstep, and Samba, and after a 2 week break we return with the Foxtrot and the Rumba. So fun! My partner really likes it too. We are both, I think, enjoying it even more than we had expected to.
Work. Still not certified, but today I was informed (after I asked about it flat out) that next week my boss's boss will be in town and I have to talk to him to finalize everything. Or something. Hopefully that is all true and I can be certified real soon because if not then I am not sure I can handle working there much longer. I am a full time employee working the hours of a busy part timer. Four shifts this week and often I go home early. Not an ideal, money making situation, but we'll see how it goes. Give this deal time to happen.
Family. Dale and Mar are finally married! The wedding was sweet, she looked amazing, and soon I will go on a better computer, one that is better than my 1.96GB hard drive computer and then I will proceed to post up some pictures. But it was an awesome day! Congrats to them!
Beyond that, nothing much new to comment on. I am trying to figure out what is out there that has meaning. That is a loaded statement and can be taken numerous ways I think, so I believe I shall leave it at that. What is out there that has meaning? Till next time...

Crazy little thing called life...

2007-01-29T12:14:00.000-07:00

I did it. I am officially a member of the U of A dance club where I am taking a basic ballroom dancing course. It is a not for credit, beginners class and I am taking it with Marty, a friend from work. It is super fun! We have only had one class so far but it definitely looks promising. I doesn't seem all that difficult just yet but that might be because I took a social dance class here at Kings last year and have learnt the basic stuff already, but it also might be because it was only the first class. Moral of the story, gonna be awesome.
Otherwise work is going pretty well. Still slow, but there is still a chance of my going to Calgary in March so I don't mind it being so slow. Thats a lie. It sucks, but what choice do I have but to live with it.
And alst but not least, the wedding is in 5 days. In fact, Saturday, at this time, I will be standing up front of the church, watching my brother and his fiancee say their vows. Crazy stuff! I can't wait for the wedding and it'll be good to actually call her my sister without having to correct myself.
Otherwise there is not really alot going on in my life. I hang out in the apartments way to much, but I am starting to try and change that. I am tired of winter, which is strange because this is probably one of the warmest January's we've had in ages. I'd love nothing more than to hop on a plane and go somewhere warm for a week, all inclusive, but everyone I spoke to either can't afford it or doesn't have an interest in the all inclusive part of it. And so, life goes on...

well hello

2007-01-14T10:30:00.000-07:00

I was getting ready for church and thinking random thoughts when I realized that it has been a while since I posted. So an update.
First, I am not attending school. Not in the least. Not even one class for credit (although I do believe my friend Marty and I are going to join a non credit ballroom dance class this coming week).
Second, I am still living in rez. Although my rent went up bit they did allow me to stay which is sweet because I don't have to pack, find a place, and leave all the people here. Good thing.
Third, I am working full time at the flying J now. I love it. Perhaps that is strange, I am a 20 year old working with truckers, very brash and often rude people, and I love it. But there is something about the level of casualness and comfotableness with the customers that I just enjoy. Strange, perhaps, odd, maybe, but thats life.
Fourth, after an Oilers game last week (thanks for the tickets Kevin) we were driving home and a Cadillac SUV went whipping by and I was like, wouldn't it be funny if that were an Oiler. Britt was like, no, they have to be on the bus(they played the next night in Vancouver and had to book it out of Edmonton), but I decided to try and race the car anyways. So we race for a but, he had a head start and I couldn't catch up, but we were approaching a red light and we pulled even and looked over. He was looking at us with a smile and shaking his head and we freaked out. Then the light went green and he was gone. Who is he? S. Horcoff #10. It was wicked.
And last... I am not really sure. I felt like there was something else that I really wanted to share, but I wont worry about it and use it next time if it is so important. Hope all is well with everyone. Catch you later!

I've been thinking

2007-01-03T00:46:00.000-07:00

So I stopped by work today and have once again returned to full time.
In case that isn't as clear as it seems to me, what that means is that I will not be returning to school this semester. After alot of thinking about it, I have decided that, for me, it just isn't worth it to work towards an undeclared degree and it is essentially a waste of money to continue taking radom classes that I wont try hard in because they are going nowhere. So, end result, I am once again a full time waitress.
I feel pretty good about it. So long as I get enough hours and it stays busy enough I will stick with where I am. Hopefully that can be for some time because I really do like it there.
As for where I will be living, hopefully that answer in the rez apartments still. But, I am going in tomorrow to tell them of my decision to not partake in classes and then I will find out if they will boot me out or not. Heres to hoping I can stay because I really don't know what I will do with myself if I can't stay. We will have to wait and see I guess.
Thats all. Just thought I'd share.
Oh, and congrats to the Edmonton Oilers for their 1000th win in franchise history, a 4-1 marker over the Panthers. Nice job boys!

Ontario

2007-01-01T15:44:00.000-07:00

A Happy New Year to all out there. And I suppose a belated Merry Christmas to those I did not see.
I have returned home from my trip to Ontario. We left Edmonton on the evening of Monday the 25th and returned in the afternoon of Friday the 29th. Just a short trip, but it was a whirlwind and a ton of fun!
On Tuesday I had the oppertunity to go and visit Becca, her husband Dave, and their son Jayden. It was a short drive from where we were staying just outside of Hamilton it was so worth it to go and visit! For those who don't know her, she is like a big sister to me and moved from Edmonton almost 3 years ago now. It was fabulous to get a chance to visit, to see her work, to see Dave's new shop, and to get to know Jayden, who is now 20 months old already! I was so happy to have the chance to see them all! Love you guys!

The rest of the week was spent in Hamliton with Shellys in-laws (Ians family). His brothers were in the bridal party so I know them a little bit and I had met the two girlfriends before as well so it was alot of fun. We went to Niagra Falls, over the 'Skyway' (Theres a name for all you Onatrio-ites). Went to a buffet, went bowling, we drove on the 401, and had the big party( a celebration of Ians parents 25th Anniversary and a congratulations to Ian and Shelly). The party was great, the brothers were entertaining as always, and the trip as a whole was completely worth it. To be honest, I am already thinking that maybe I want to go to Woodstock this summer to visit Becca and Dave again. But that is classic me, planning stuff that wont likely happen.

Me in front of Niagra Falls

Mom, Shelly and I in front of Niagra Falls

A Full body Hug from my sister

The Billiald Boys

The Billiald Kids (with the 2 girlfriends) and me

random thoughts

2006-12-22T12:59:00.000-07:00

First there are a million things that I should be doing right now. Probaby more. But here I sit, piddling time away on the internet.
Now, I have to share the line that a trucker used on my yesterday. It made my day! Ok, he was sitting at our coffee counter which was my section that day and right from the get go I was giving him a hard time(For those of you who have never eaten at a Flying J, that is simply how it is done, we are loved for our harrassment and abuse). So this man, after a couple minutes of my being difficult, he asks if I have a boyfriend. Normal question where I work, so I don't think twice about it. So I tell him no. Then he says to me "Thats too bad, I haev a sympathy card in the truck that I was going to give to him" Funniest thing ever!
Work has been really fun these last few days, even though I don't think I have ever seen it so dead. It's bad. But I love it!
And finally the point of my message.
Have you ever had it where when you are talking and start saying one word and then switch to another one half through the word? Well, I have heard/said some lately and have come to the decision that I love these words and I believe they should be more mainstream. SO, I am going to share mine, and if you have some or ever come up with some, PLEASE let me know!

Borgeous
Spabulous
Squinney

Ok. there are three to start. Any guesses on what they mean? Let me know! And seriously, MORE WORDS LIKE THEM!!!
Talk to you later. Happy 2 days before CHRISTmas!!!!!!

The Week Before Christmas..

2006-12-17T22:39:00.000-07:00

So I am returning home tomorrow morning. And I am really excited. I just called my mom to make sure she would be there and we have plans to do laundry, and MAKE PEPPERNOTEN! and pretty much just hang out. I work again on Tuesday, so it will be like the Saturday for my week. I can't wait to live somewhere that is clean and has real food again!
It is already weird to be without my roommates. There is now just Jen and I left, and I love Jen don't get me wrong, but she is definitely one of the quieter ones, AND she is still writing take home finals, so although I distract her alot, I feel really guilty for it and try not to do it often... Oh well, thats life.
I went Christmas shopping with a friend from high school yesterday, Brandon. We talk randomly on the phone, but other than seeing him at the bar for his birthday(which he might not remember too well) I havn't seen him since grad. I thought we were going to get his family stuff, but when we got to the mall I found out he was almost finished shopping, and two nights before I discovered that we weren't drawing names in my family but buying for all the siblings. That is alot of shopping. So it ended up being that we did my Christmas shopping and it was awesome! I had a really good time, hes a fun guy to hang out with, and I got almost all of my presents in one trip. That NEVER happens! Crazy stuff.
In a week from tomorrow I leave for Ontario for a few days and I am starting to look forward to it. Gonna be good to see Becca and her Booys (not a mispell) and the Billialds. And besides that I can't believe that one week from this moment I will have been to a Christmas service, eaten a Christmas dinner, sung Christmas carols, and opened/given Christmas presents. Crazy how time flies!
Anyways, off to throw out all the stuff in the fridge so it doesn't smell when I get back. Talk to you later this week!!

and the results are in...

2006-12-12T21:56:00.000-07:00

Ok. They arn't actually in but they might as well be. I am finished my semester! Completely! I am so excited you have no idea! As of right now, I am really not feeling the return to school and am seriously considering other options. Things other than returning to classes, and jobs other than the Flying J (although, considering how much fun I had on Saturday, a 15 hour shift, it would maybe not be so bad to return full time...).
The finals went alright. I expected extreme torture from Bio and didn't quite get it. So that is good. Not necessarily expecting a good mark, but I think(hope) that I passed it at least. And English was actually good. Both sections (well the 2 of three that I chose) had one topic that I was really comfortable with, and that is a very good sign. So no complaints!
Otherwise things are ok. Tomorrow is a day off from everything and then Thursday starts my 10 work days straight. I have about 15 people I am supposed to visit with in that time so if I forget you, please don't take it personally! I am working on it and next semester, since I wont be in school probably, then I will have alot more time!
Peace all! Good luck on finals!

BBBBBBBBAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

2006-12-11T23:44:00.000-07:00

OK. SO I HAVE TWO FINALS TOMORROW AND I CAN NOT STUDY. I HAVE zero ATTENTION SPAN AND CAN NOT SIT FOR MORE THAN FIVE MINUTES! IT IS DRIVING ME CRAZY! (short trip I know). BUT SERIOUSLY. DON'T WORRY ABOUT ENCOURAGMENT, I WONT READ THIS AGAIN BEFORE I WRITE THEM, I JUST DON'T KNOW TO TO FOCUS!!! KINDA GOING CRAZY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
On a brighter note, after these two finals I am FINISHED WITH SCHOOL, and the more I think about it the less sure I am that I am coming back. It is more like 85% chance of NOT coming back... and fast climbing towards 90%.
CAN'T HANDLE MAKING BIG DECISIONS RIGHT AROUND EXAMS! CAN'T HANDLE STUDYING! CAN'T HANDLE EXAMS! CAN'T HANDLE SCHOOL!

Final Stretch

2006-12-07T14:21:00.000-07:00

Ok. Did I mention that I finished my Dutch test? No? Ok. Well it is over, thankfully and I really couldn't tell you how I got what I got. There were 33 english and 33 dutch sentences and one by one we had to go in and orally translate 10 of each. Well I stumbled over alot of them, forgot my words, and the ones that she tried to get me to do just confused me even more. She told me like 6 or 7 times I would get half marks and I became convinced I was finished! Well, after the ordeal was over, I got up to leave and she informs me that I got an 85%! Really not sure about her math, but who am I to argue?
Bio poster got in on time, and I think it was pretty good. I felt like it was good, maybe a little more color or more pictures but for the most part I was quite happy with it. And the essay that was due Wednesday? Well, I got another extension and will have it in by 10 am or so tomorrow (Friday) morning. Ps. Did I mention that to get the first extension I had to write a paragraph with either regionalism or postmodernism? Well, he gave prizes to the best excuses, and I won for the best regionalism excuse! Sweet deal!
Finally, one of my roommates and I are thinking that we might attend the Panorama Ski Trip that my church is putting on. I wasn't going to go because I can't snowboard, but all of a sudden I really wanted to go. So hopefully my friend from work, Marty(hi Marty! Wish you were still on days) will have time to teach me to carve before January 19. Otherwise, it will be a long and interesting weekend!
I think that is all...
Oh ya. I went and sat in my buddies hot tub last night, Jack and I went, and wow. I think Theo and Layne are quite literally my heros. So thanks boys. Otherwise, pretty much this is my excuse to procrastinate some more and not finish my paper, not sure when I will post over Christmas since I wont have anything to put off... Terrible. Hopefully things are swell, I have to go pretend to work for a while! :P

an official member

2006-12-04T12:30:00.000-07:00

Well, I am now a member of www.facebook.com . I signed up a couple days ago, was warned that it was addicting, and am already aware of the fact that it is gonna have me hooked in no time. You should all check it out, it is huge in the States and growing in Canada. Pretty sweet.
I am super annoyed with school. My last two projects arn't going well and I am seriously considering just not doing them. Big percentage of the final mark, but still considering it. I hate school so much right now and as of this minute I don't want to come back next semester. (For those who don't know, I am registered in 3 courses next semester, only 2 days a week, I'll work the other days). But not coming back would mean working full time and I definitely don't want to do that at the Flying J again. Not for a pernament job... Frustrating. I have to figure out where life is going. Anyone got pointers on how to do so? Because I have absolutely NO IDEA!!!
ok. Just thought I would procrastnate for a bit. Back to work again. See ya later, and please, pointers on figuring out what to do in life... I hate these restless moods...

and we have finally decided...

2006-12-01T00:50:00.000-07:00

Ok. It is official. I am NOT going to the Netherlands in the coming summer. For those of you who don't know, Jack and I were talking about going and have been talking about it since last march or so, pretty much since we became friends. But after alot of thought we have finally decided we arn't going. And, for those who know about my 10/10 record for being top three that I posted about a couple months ago, and if these same people know about the beliefs that all of my friends had for why I wouldn't be going, you are all wrong. The trip has not, I repeat, has NOT been cancelled because of a boy in my life.(Which is what everyone thought would happen). It has been cancelled because life got in the way.
I got to thinking about things and really, what kind of big sister would I be if I missed the grad of not one, but two of my little brothers? A pretty sad one to say the least. Never mind that I don't have hardly any money and that my grasp on the Dutch language, which I was expecting to have grown this semester considering I took Dutch and all, it definitely is not much of a grasp. So, these things, and others, have factored in and we officially decided yesterday that we are not going...
Its a big thing to get out of the way...
Got my lab final back, kicked butt in it! Couldn't be much happier about it. Wrote my Dutch midterm, it was alright. Less sentences than the last one, so we'll see how it goes. (Ps, sentences are a very bad thing for me when they are in Dutch). The next 6 days are wholly dedicated to my English Essay and my Bio poster presentation. No problem!
But off to sleep, I get my stitch(yes, just one) out tomorrow and have about 1 billion errands to do before the big banquet, so I must get some sleep to prepare for a day of racing around. Take care, thanks for visiting, and I'll talk to you again soon!